I took a deep breath and pushed the ridiculously elaborate musical doorbell. At least I was gonna have spontaneity on my side.
And apparently, so did Mrs. Jennings. Izzy or their butler, Thomas, would’ve let me in without hesitation, so I never thought getting through the door would be an issue. But I was pretty sure I assumed the deer-in-the-headlights expression the moment Mrs. Jenning’s opened the door to face me.
Holy hell.
She was nothing if not formal. “Yes? How may I help you today, Jenna?” She even gave me a fake, pleasant smile.
Thankfully, the frog that was caught in my throat dislodged quickly enough to avoid stammering my reply. “Hello, Mrs. Jennings. I’d like to speak with Robert, please.” Oops. I think I cringed on the please.
“I’m sorry. He’s not here.”
She moved to close the door. If she thought she was getting rid of me that easily after I came all this way, she had another thing coming. “His car’s in the driveway.”
Guess she forgot about that ‘cause there was a split second where she seemed taken aback. “Yes, well, his car may be here, but Robert’s not. I’ll mention to him that you came by.”
Like hell she would.
The door was almost shut when my body spontaneously thrusted forward, barging all the way through to the foyer. She jumped at my brazenness, but quickly regained composure to cross her arms at me.
“What the hell is your problem?” I snapped.
“Excuse me?”
“Ya’ know, I’d love to. But some things are just inexcusable and you seem to be the Queen Bee Bitch of that list.” I totally knew I needed to shut up, and that I was crossing a line I’d never be able to fall back behind again, but I just couldn’t help myself. The release felt so good, and if I could do one positive thing for Robert moving forward, perhaps I could bring his mother down a notch and a little closer to reality with the rest of us.
“Once and for all, what the hell is your problem? I always thought you were a bitch to me ‘cause you thought I wasn’t good enough for your son, but I’m not even dating him anymore and you’re still treating me like shit! What the hell did I ever do to you?”
She stepped forward, a fire raging in her eyes too. “You think I don’t know your endgame here, Jenna? I’ve seen it a hundred times. Most women just try to latch on and seduce, but you took a step I had never seen, luring him in by making him the hero, truly making him believe the feelings were genuine.”
Gasping, I cried, “You think I tried to kill myself to get his attention? Are you f**king serious? I ALMOST DIED! You could not be that delusional! And what the f**k do you mean my feelings weren’t genuine? I. Loved. Your son! And he’s the only reason I ever put up with your sorry, manipulative, judgmental ass!”
She took one more step, and was so close I was actually uncomfortable, but I refused to be the one that backed down today. I had always kept my mouth shut and walked away to keep the peace. But not anymore. Not this time.
It was probably humorous to anyone watching, with the two of us having a standoff in the foyer, her arms crossed and mine resting firmly on my hips. And over her shoulder I saw Izzy down the hall, waving her fist in the air as she peeked around the corner, but I was too pissed off to revel in her support.
With a firm, hushed tone, she replied, “Just let him go. Women like Anne will always be the best choice for our lifestyle.”
“Well, that may be true, but at least when he was with me, he didn’t have to drink himself to death just to get through the day.”
Finally! Something that made her recoil.
“Jenna.” His voice was soft, and it surprised me that I could hear it as he bent over the balcony above us. And if I could hear him, then he probably heard everything his mother and I exchanged no matter the tone. “I take it you’re here to talk to me?” I nodded fearfully, ‘cause his tone was a little cold. “Then come up.”
I obliged, happy to end this horrible discussion with his witch of a mother. At least I got in the last jab.
Surprisingly, he led me to the only room in the house I knew would infuriate his mother. Glad to see some things hadn’t changed... I wandered through the room quietly, noticing the bottle of liquor on his bedside table. He never used to keep that in here. Robert closed the door and leaned against it, waiting for me to do whatever it was I came here to do.
I crossed my arms and hugged myself tightly, suddenly feeling like I was under a microscope. “I’m sorry about that. It’s just…your mother always knows exactly what to say to piss me off. I just couldn’t take it anymore.”
“It’s alright. It took me twenty-one years to learn how to play the game efficiently. Growing up with her was exhausting. It’s a constant chess match, and you always have to think two steps ahead just to keep your head above water.”
“Guess I never stood a chance then, huh, ‘cause we both know what a wonderful swimmer I am.”
He chuckled, and his smile lifted a weight I didn’t even realize was pressing down on me. “It’s refreshing to hear someone yell back at her. Friends, family…they’re all too afraid to call her out. Turns out you get under her skin as much as she gets under yours.”
My smile kept growing. “I hate to admit it, but I actually feel kinda better now. Just yelling and letting it all out like that…I feel so much lighter.” Maybe Sophie knew what she was talking about after all, ‘cause who thought I’d actually be smiling today? Same for Robert.
“So why are you here, Jenna? If you had just called, I could’ve met you on neutral territory.”
Crap. I’d never thought about that. “Intervention. Apparently, my best friend and your best friend think we’re falling into the pit of despair,” I mocked, adding a horror voice to that, “and need each other to save our miserable selves.”
He gave me that you’ve gotta be f**king kidding me look, then topped it off with an eye roll. “Is that why you were screaming at my mom? Misery therapy?”
“If only that were enough to fix me.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve removed one of the sources of my misery and the other is blissfully ignorant, so you can spare yourself the cleanup.” Curious, I kept my trap shut until he got the point that I wanted him to explain that.
“Anne and I broke up at the wedding.”
Seemed to be an epidemic…“And the blissfully ignorant?”
“We’re not announcing it to our parents until I get out of here, so my mom’s still nice and happy.”
Except when I come around. “I understand your motives for holding off, but what are hers?”
He shrugged lightheartedly. “I blackmailed her.”
Laughing, I bumbled out a, “What?” in disbelief.
He rubbed the back of his head, debating whether or not to share his plight. “Look, I had a bad semester, and I’m not too proud of the things I did. Once we broke up, Mom and Anne tag teamed my ass and wouldn’t leave me the hell alone. And then I got pissed off all over again when I saw you and Evan together. I just wanted all the noise in my head to stop, so I agreed to date her. We went to different schools, so I didn’t have to see her much, and I ignored most of her calls. Mom got all happy and nice. I was still miserable, but I got a little peace out of it.”
“And where does the blackmailing come in?”
His lips pressed tight. “I may have went as far as to date her, but I still didn’t want to sleep with her.” Smart boy. “So I told her if she was going to be with me, she had to agree to my rule of no sex before six months.”
“You don’t have a six month rule.”
“I did for her. My plan was to break up after five, but she beat me to it. Luckily, she kept trying to entice me by sending me dirty, na**d pictures of herself.” My face cringed, my mind inundated with images I didn’t wanna see, completely grateful I didn’t come across them on Robert’s phone, ‘cause I was pretty sure that’s where they were stored. “I told her if she didn’t keep quiet about our breakup, I’d send them to every person we went to school with…and her father.”
“Robert!”
“Relax. We all know I’d never do it for real. But she can’t take that chance, so she’s going along with it.”
Ugh. I felt dirty just thinking about it. “See? Another argument against personal cell phones.”
“Great, Jenna. The score’s now a thousand to one in favor of phones. Keep it up!” he jested. He’d always hated my lack of enthusiasm for the damn things. I still thought they were a waste of money.
“You know, you have the money for a hotel. Why even bother with this crap?”
“Because I’m not the only one benefiting. With my mom being happy all the time, Reynold, Julie and my dad get a break too.”
I nodded my agreement and paced the room with my hands on my hips, once again coming face to face with the liquor bottle. I picked it up, the bottle light in my hands ‘cause it was almost empty. I cocked my eye at him. “So, are you gonna tell me how your drinking’s going?”
Pushing off the door, he came to pull it from my grip, eyeing it so intensely I almost took it back. “Getting there. I’m still drinking, but not as much.” He carefully returned it to the chest, then leaned his body via elbow beside it.
“So, are you going to tell me how your breakup’s going? Because I’m guessing that’s the source of your misery.”
My eyes burst wide, my heart matching its worry. I wasn’t gonna tell him that today. “How?”
“Jhett called.”
“Good news travels fast, huh?”
He shrugged. “Music to my ears, but I doubt you feel that way.” His eyes locked hard on to mine, the warm shade of melted chocolate soothing, reminding me of all the times I used to get lost in them. My blink slowed ten-fold as he fingered my long bangs and tucked them behind my ear. “I know I felt like shit right after ours.”
“Me too,” I murmured.
Caressing my face, he enticed, “We can still get it back, us…if you want it, too.”
I easily got lost in his touch, the light brushes to my cheek and lips, numbing the aches within. Funny how after all this time, he still had that affect on me. I’d loved him once, knew I could do it again if I allowed myself.
Warm air distracted my thoughts, breezing past my ear, down my neck and skimming my lips. He pressed our mouths together, beginning the dance in a wave-like motion, soft and slow. Faint rumbles vibrated his chest as his body cocooned me within his arms, grasping the underside of my head, angling it to provide more sumptuous kisses. His tongue parted my lips and made a sweep of my mouth, reacquainting his with mine. Tiny flecks of energy begin to pop inside me, like a child’s sparkler, but images of Evan flashed in my head, haunting me with a face of betrayal, extinguishing the frenzy before it had a chance to really explode.
I mumbled no, pushing my mouth away from his. Dipping my head to avoid his longing gaze, I whispered, “I can’t do this. I’m not ready yet.”
He expelled a deep breath of disappointment, and rested his forehead on the top of my head. “Alright.” He swayed us gently in place, prolonging the embrace I had yet to refuse. “Alright. I can wait until you are ready.”
“Robert, why do you even want me?” Maybe it was the pity party going on inside me, but I added, “Your mother’s right. I’d never fit the mold here. This whole lifestyle repulses me.”
“One of the many reasons worth loving you, Jenna. I promise you there’s an endless list. You’re not just some school crush or some girl trying to give me a hero complex. And what’s happened between us isn’t going to change that. I see that now.”
I let him hold me a little longer before saying, “I should go.” I didn’t like the way I was beginning to feel guilty in his arms, though I did nothing wrong. But my heartstrings still tugged for Evan, and were determined to end this moment as quickly as possible. His arms stroked my back a few times, then fell away like I’d implied.
“Before you do, I have something of yours.”
Unable to come up with anything I could’ve left behind that I never realized was missing, I curiously watched as he swept aside clothing in the chest until his hand emerged with my diamond flower necklace. My head shook softly. “No, I can’t take that. You were right before. It should stay in the family.”
Ignoring my rebuttal, his hands swept around my neck and fastened the necklace in place. “Jenna, you are my family. Even when you piss me off. And you’re the only one I want this to belong to. Ever.”
The love in his eyes warmed my stubborn heart, and I smiled and threw myself into his chest once more. He welcomed the last chance at affection, but his voice somberly whispered, “Please come home, Jenna.”
24
For a week I fingered the necklace around my neck. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bring me some sort of comfort, thinking someone out there loved me and put it out there that he wanted me back. Memories of my time with Robert flooded my mind, brought a smile to my face, and slowly reminded me of why I loved him in the first place. But there was hollowness in my heart that just wouldn’t allow itself to be filled with Robert. At least not yet.
I thought of Evan a lot too, but it filled me more with pain than euphoria, so I tried to derail my thoughts when they turned to him. I found Sundays to be the worst, and I ached for him to show up and take me back to his place so he could smother me with kisses. But he never did, and I let my phone die on a permanent basis.