“I know,” I lied. I had no idea how far she would go to keep Jonah for herself. “Thank you, Ruadhan,” I said somberly.
“Love, you have nothing to thank me for. Can you get up?”
“Yes, you can leave me. I’ll be fine.”
“Let me help you to your room,” he insisted, scooping me off the ground.
I didn’t want him to see the wound in my belly. As long as the glass was still lodged in my skin no blood could flow out; he wouldn’t be able to sense or smell it, unless he saw it.
“I’m fine, Ruadhan. Please, I just want to be by myself. Go and see to Brooke, Jonah might need your help,” I insisted.
Reluctantly, Ruadhan allowed me to slowly pace through the house and up the stairs. As I shut the door behind me, I slumped down against the wood, grabbing my side, desperately trying not to let out a loud cry. My arm, now feeling back to normal once more, meant I was able to use my hands to grasp the rug as I crawled across it to the side of the bed. I struggled to reach for the fluffy dressing gown that I had hung over the end. I dragged it down the sheets and painfully moved my body to allow it to twist around me and knotted the belt.
Inhaling a deep breath, I prepared myself to stand and move to the bathroom. There was no way I was going to stay in the house while I pulled it out. The smell of my blood would overwhelm the air. I had to get out to the gardens without being noticed, but I would need towels to apply pressure; the last thing I needed was to bleed to death.
Using the bedpost to heave myself up, I staggered to the bathroom.
I became increasingly concerned with the amount of time I was wasting. I had sent Ruadhan to Jonah and Brooke, but how long would Jonah wait to appear in my room? Not long. I couldn’t trust myself around him. When he drew me in, I lost all sense of who I was and what I wanted. He stirred emotions deep within me that I never even knew I had. I didn’t want to endanger my life and I certainly didn’t wish to jeopardize my relationship with Gabriel, whatever that had been and whatever it was becoming.
I couldn’t stay in this house anymore.
As I mulled the few options available to me, the small, dilapidated cottage in the woods came into my mind. It could afford me the privacy I desperately needed. I had to remove myself from Jonah—and from the situation here.
I grabbed some bath towels and wobbled to the door and, closing my eyes, I prayed I would make it outside unseen. Easing myself across the landing, there was no sign of Jonah, so I tiptoed down each stair, trying not to make the boards creak underfoot. I got to the bottom and leaned against the banister for a moment, then staggered down the hallway to the kitchen.
I took in a sharp breath when I saw Ruadhan at the far corner of the room reaching for a dustpan and brush. I guessed he was on clean-up duty. He spun around, surprised, but strangely he looked right through me. I threw my hands in front of my face. I was there—why couldn’t he see me?
I didn’t have time to explore this peculiarity further. I was aching and needed to get the hell out of this house. As Ruadhan wandered over, I made for the door and stepped through the frame and over the shattered glass, still barefoot. I turned back and watched confusion spread over Ruadhan’s face. He knew something was there, but I was invisible to him.
I made my way down the frozen stones, to the front door of the little house. I was filled with relief when I pushed the handle down with a squeak. The cottage was dark, but the door to the kitchen was ajar and moonlight streamed through it, stretching into the hallway. The sun shape in the tiles seemed to twinkle where the light hit it. Tired and worn, I collapsed against the brick wall with my legs sprawled over the art. I rested for a while, delaying the painful action of wrenching the glass from my stomach.
I thought of Gabriel and opened myself to him, if he were there. He wasn’t. Had something gone wrong? Or was he deliberately blocking me out while he met with Thomas?
I removed the dressing gown, and laid it over my legs for some warmth. My jeans sat low on my hips, the blouse covering the top of them. Still, I unbuttoned and unzipped them, squeezing them down even lower, eventually exposing the top of my frilly underwear. I carefully peeled my once beautiful top back and reluctantly tore it so that my midriff was fully exposed. Squeamishly, I forced myself to assess the damage.
The glass was lodged in deep, but right now it was keeping me from bleeding out. Once I removed it, blood would rush to the wound and I would have to hope that applying pressure would keep me conscious long enough for it to repair itself. I wasn’t in a position to stitch it up; I’d have to push the skin together and hold the towel down hard.
Plan ready, I fingered the bath towels that I had dumped next to me. Gripping the top of the shard, I counted to three. I figured it was similar to removing a Band-Aid; snatching it out quickly would be best. When I reached “one,” I inhaled deeply and tugged it with all my might.
As the shard of glass—now digging into my palm—glinted against the small stream of light that fell across my midriff, I let out an almighty scream. I couldn’t help it. My breathing became shallow and I tried to fight past the excruciating pain that burst through me. I bit down on my arm to stifle my voice, and dropped the piece of bloodied glass, which plinked as it bounced off the tile. I didn’t dare gaze down; grabbing for a towel, I pushed my skin together and wrapped the white cotton around my stomach, front to back, as tight as I could.
I reached for another towel, but the painted sun, which seemed to be coming to life, distracted me. It filled with sparkling dots, which raised and danced above the floor. As I watched it, captivated, a surge of warmth filled me. I couldn’t take my eyes off the silver and gold whirling around me. Without looking, I fingered the towel and pressed it down into my navel, exerting as much force as I could muster.
The gem I wore around my neck grew hot; the swirling colors seemed to be drawn to my ring, coming ever closer. I was no longer sure if I was awake or dreaming. It was one of the strangest yet truly incredible sights I had ever witnessed. While I watched it, the ache in my stomach numbed and a sense of calm swept over me. As the light from the moon outside softened and moved, the colors and sparkles disappeared with it and I was left in the darkness once again.
My feet were like two blocks of ice—I couldn’t even feel them anymore. My ring grew cold and my body began to writhe in pain again. I reached out for Gabriel, but he was still absent. My thoughts slipped away from me and hard as I tried to stay awake, my eyes closed shut. I passed out.