I return his smile. “Thanks.”
“Of course.”
Questions begin to bloom in my mind. “You’re serious about the whole curse, magic thing?”
“I don’t know if serious is the right word,” he says. “It’s more like there aren’t any other options, so let’s go with this one.”
“How do curses work?”
“News flash,” he says. “I’m gay, not a witch. Gay and witch is Dumbledore, and last time I checked, he was still just a guy in a book.”
I laugh and he hugs me.
“Despite my taking the high ground here, I’m as stumped as you are, Josie,” he says. “I don’t know what to do.”
“What if he hates me now?” My mind is jumping around with the same speed as my suddenly pounding heart.
“Hang on,” he says. “Let’s handle one issue at a time. Remember that whole apology idea you came up with first?”
I nod.
“Try that,” he says. “Then move on to step two.”
“What’s step two?” I ask.
“If you’re lucky . . . or in his mind, if he’s lucky, makeup making out—probably taking it all the way to third base. Unless you guys are already hitting it out of the park.” He grins.
“Laurie!” I mash a throw pillow into his face.
“I’m just trying to give you incentives.” He’s still laughing. “I know how stubborn you can be at admitting you did something wrong.”
My cheeks are flaming, but I’m grateful I don’t feel cold and sick anymore.
“Go over there,” Laurie says.
“What if he’s not home?” I know I sound lame, but my anger is gone, leaving only embarrassment and renewed fear of rejection. If I wasn’t about to get dumped this morning, I may have sealed that deal with my earlier outburst.
Laurie gives me a long look. “If he’s not home, you come back, take a shower, and transform yourself into ‘lively, attractive Elizabeth’ instead of continuing to sport this ‘waking dead Elizabeth’ look you’ve got going.”
Now all I want to do is take a shower.
“I’m kidding,” he says, seeing anxiety roll across my face. “You look cute in PJs. It will also probably assist in that whole make-out scenario I mentioned. Get over there. Talk to him.”
“Then what?”
“Did Mom not have the talk with you?” Laurie asks. “Do you not understand the principle of making out? Uh-oh . . . do you not know what third base is?”
“Aren’t you supposed to be helping me?” I laugh, grateful for his teasing even if I’m blushing from head to toe.
“I am helping,” he says. And he is. “After making out, you talk to him, figure out what he does know about this whole invisible issue, and then together you decide what the next step is.”
“What is the next step?” I ask.
“I don’t know,” he says. “I’m guessing he doesn’t know either. This is a first for everyone involved. Solutions will require collaboration, I’m thinking.”
“Right,” I say, worrying at the tangles in my hair.
“I’ll wait here in case it goes badly,” he says. “If necessary, I will go buy you ice cream.”
“No,” I say, shrugging off my anger armor and trying to find some resolve to replace it. “Go to school. I’ll be okay.”
“You sure?” Laurie asks. “I’ll be worried about you.”
“I don’t want you sitting here while I try to take us past third base,” I say, as much to bolster my own confidence as to tease my brother.
“TMI! TMI!” Laurie shrieks, bolting from the room.
“You started it!” I call after him.
He peeks around the corner, grinning. “All right—I’m going to school, and if I hit the subway right, I might even get there on time.”
“Okay.” I smile, but I’m starting to lose my nerve.
He holds up his phone. “This will be on at all times. If you need me, I’ll come right back.”
“Thanks,” I say.
When he returns to the living room, he hugs me. “Be honest and don’t pretend you’re not falling truly, madly, and deeply for this guy. Denial will get you in trouble.”
I wait until Laurie leaves and then I shuffle down the hall to Stephen’s apartment. I feel silly wearing my pajamas, but I know stalling will only push me along the road to permanent residence in cowardville. Laurie’s right. I’m stubborn and could easily nurse a grudge that keeps me from ever talking to Stephen again.
My stomach is a pretzel when I knock on the door.
There’s no answer.
I shift back and forth on my feet, count to ten, and knock again.
Very softly, from the other side of the door I hear his voice.
“Elizabeth?”
“Yes,” I say. My heart has climbed into my throat.
The door opens. He’s standing there. Visible.
I don’t know what to say. I look at him and think how unfair it is that such a beautiful face is hidden from the rest of the world.
Laurie is right. He is visible to me. Only to me. It must mean something.
All I want to do is touch him and tell him how wonderful it is to see him. That I promise to never take my ability to see him for granted.
I reach out my hand. My fingers are shaking.
He looks at me for a moment before taking my hand in both of his.
Chapter 11
I TELL HER EVERYTHING I know. It doesn’t take long.
This, I think, is the way to thank her. This, I believe, is the way to prove that there aren’t any more secrets. This, I hope, is the way to get her to stay.
I have lived with this truth for so long that I’m used to it. It’s through Elizabeth’s reaction that I see how strange it is. How unbelievable. How unreal.
I also see how sad it is.
“You’ve never been to school,” she says. We’re sitting on the couch, facing each other. “You’ve never had friends over. You’ve never had . . .”
“Everything was me and my mother,” I tell her. “Every valentine. Every piece of homework. Every board game. Every birthday cake. Every everything.”
“You must miss her so much.”
I shake my head. “I haven’t let myself. Not the way that you mean.”