“Of course,” he said. “It does get easier. Your body will learn how to meet every demand you make of it.”
“I hope my body isn’t a slow student.” She laughed, wincing as the muscles of her chest and stomach objected.
“Has he been too hard on you?” Alistair asked.
“No,” she said. “I’m just soft. It’s Father’s fault. He cooped me up in his castle to be a lady. Barrow has to remake me into a warrior.”
Alistair shifted closer to her. “I still can’t believe you’re being trained by that brute. They should make an exception for your circumstance.”
She set the bowl down and drew away from him. Barrow could be stern, but he was hardly a brute. She’d seen the almost childlike joy on his face when they’d raced along Loch Duich. The only thing she was sure of about Barrow was that she knew very little about the man he was. She wondered if anyone did.
“No,” Ember said. “That’s the last thing I want. Barrow’s exactly the teacher I need. He won’t let me be anything less than the warrior I must be if I’m to survive.”
“I’m sorry, Em,” he said quickly. “I’m only concerned for you. I have no doubts about your skill.”
“Thank you.”
“And what of your mind?” Alistair asked. “What you’ve learned today—you’re not afraid?”
“Of course I’m afraid,” she said. “That the world is full of such terror . . . such evil. But I wouldn’t know of the danger and then run from it. What good would that do?”
Alistair touched her cheek. “Such spirit. Had you been born a man, you would have led armies and made other men tremble.”
She turned her face away from his hand. “Perhaps I still shall. I’m here, aren’t I? And, if memory serves, I’m not the one who needed to be rescued from my test.”
Alistair fell silent and Ember cursed her temper.
“Who told you?” he asked. “Was it Barrow?”
“I’m sorry,” she murmured. “I’m tired and my mouth makes complaint for my broken body. Please forget what I said.”
He laughed softly, though there was a rough edge to the sound. “Anything serious, though? Have you strained a muscle?”
“I don’t think so,” she said, wishing he would leave so she could let sleep take away her pain.
She jumped when Alistair touched her arm. “Don’t be afraid. I just want to make sure you aren’t hurt.”
Ember tried to relax as Alistair’s fingers probed her upper arms, shoulders, and neck. His touch was gentle, but it sent a creeping sensation along her skin.
“I’m fine,” she said, trying to pull away. “There’s no need for this.”
His arm slipped around her waist. “Shhh.” His other hand was stroking her cheek.
“Alistair, what are you doing?” Her question came out shaking.
“What we’ve always wanted,” he whispered. Then he turned her in his arms, pressing his mouth against hers.
Panic surged through Ember’s limbs. She went rigid against him, but Alistair took no notice. His tongue thrust between her lips.
She shoved him away with a hiss. “Stop!” Despite her shock, she kept her voice low. She had no idea what had gotten into her friend, but she didn’t want the rest of the Guard to burst in on them.
“What’s wrong?” Alistair tried to pull her against him again.
“Why are you doing this?” She put her hands against his chest, keeping him at bay.
“Don’t you see, Em?” Alistair sounded confused and hurt. “We can be together now.”
Ember’s skin had grown very cold. “We’re together in the Guard. We’ll fight side by side.”
“And at night I’ll warm your bed. I’ll worship your body.” There was a fever in his voice that made Ember’s stomach turn.
“No.” Ember pushed against him, forcing him to move farther away from her. “Our vows. Father Michael said they’re all that protects us from the Church’s intrusion. From the fate of the Templars.”
“The vows mean nothing.” He spit out the words. “Don’t you see? We take the vows to pacify the Church and the nobles. They dare not cross us for they too greatly fear the evils we face each day, but they don’t know what happens behind these walls. Father Michael keeps our secrets. He understands we are but men. We fight the encroaching darkness and then do as we please.”
“You can’t be serious,” she said.
His laugh was quiet, but horrible. “Are you really such a child? Do you believe men as brutal and hardened as those in the Guard would forgo pleasures of the flesh?”
Now Ember thought she would vomit.
He went on. “They find lovers where they will and when they will. The vows merely protect us.”
Ember curled up against the wall. Alistair crawled toward her. His voice became soft, coaxing.
“I’m sorry, Em. I didn’t mean to frighten you. I thought you understood. You needn’t be afraid. I’m here to protect you.”
She didn’t answer. She couldn’t. How could his words be true? What about Father Michael’s warning? Did the Guard simply laugh behind the old priest’s back?
Alistair brushed her hair out of her face. “I haven’t sought a lover. I waited for you. Not just this year, but all my life. I’ve always wanted you, Ember. We belong together. You must know that. Fate brought us both to Conatus and to the Guard. How can we deny what was meant to be?”
He started to put his arms around her, but Ember shrank back.
“That isn’t why I’m here,” she said.
“Em,” Alistair began.
“No.” She snatched the dagger from the table beside her bed, holding it between their bodies. “I was called to the Guard to be a warrior. Not your concubine.”
He glared at the dagger and then at her. “And what of us? You must have known that I’ve loved you since we were children. You’ve done nothing to discourage my affections.”
“Get out!” Ember stood up, keeping the dagger pointed at him. She was startled and enraged by his claims. Of course they’d been close as children, but Ember hadn’t felt anything other than sisterly love for Alistair. She couldn’t believe she’d done anything to make him think otherwise.