Ember didn’t know what to say. She’d simply assumed he’d been with the Guard. Alistair hadn’t mentioned Barrow in his accounts, but Ember knew Alistair didn’t like talking about her mentor, so she hadn’t asked him. She’d waited to ask her nurse if Barrow was among the injured. Part of her was shocked that Barrow would miss such an urgent and dangerous mission. Another part was disappointed because Ember had somewhat assuaged herself by imagining that the attack on Dorusduain and subsequent plotting within the Guard had kept him from visiting her.
Before she could speak again, Barrow stopped Toshach and turned to face her. “There’s another matter I must discuss with you.”
Ember didn’t know why her stomach twisted, but she suddenly felt sick.
“After much consideration . . .” Barrow’s jaw was tight, as though he had to force his words out. “I’ve decided that I’m not the best person to serve as your mentor.”
“What?” It was the last thing she’d expected him to say.
“Strange things are stirring. Dark things. I don’t know what is coming, but I fear it and I can’t suffer distraction. I must focus on my own role in the Guard rather than yours.” Barrow twisted Toshach’s reins in his hands. “Sorcha will take my place. I’m sure you’ll find her an exceptional teacher.”
Casting her eyes downward, Ember blinked hard. Was that all she’d been to Barrow? A distraction? The tears that burned in the corners of her eyes were as unwanted as this news. She wanted to ask him why, to demand an explanation. But she was too frightened of the reasons he would give. If Barrow no longer wanted to guide her steps as she progressed to full status in the Guard, it meant that somehow she’d failed to meet his expectations.
What had it been? Where had she fallen short? She bit her lip, wanting to do anything to keep from crying in front of him. Her tears would surely only earn more of his disdain. All she could guess was that their trip to the Black Forest had somehow provoked this new poor opinion of her.
And hadn’t she disobeyed him?
Barrow had instructed her to watch the other knights, to be cautious on her first mission and not enter the fray. But she’d done just the opposite, throwing herself at the striga when it attacked Alistair. As a result she’d been carried off while the rest of the Guard were embroiled in their fight against the remaining creatures. And hadn’t it been Barrow who’d spent an entire night searching the forest for her?
What she’d thought had been concern and devotion to her must have instead given Barrow reason to doubt her skills. Now he wanted no more to do with her.
From where he stood, still holding Toshach, Barrow said quietly, “If you should need my assistance, I will always help you, Ember. I am still your friend.”
Ember didn’t answer. She couldn’t bear to look at him. His attempt at pacification only made things worse.
Toshach’s hooves clopped on the ground, slowly fading away. Caber gave a shrill whinny, calling after the other stallion. Feeling rather numb, Ember searched out the grain bins. She returned to Caber, opening his stall door and slipping inside.
The stallion greedily ate the grain from her palm, swishing his tail in contentment. When the grain was gone, Ember brushed off her hands and began rubbing down Caber’s fine coat. He submitted happily to her ministrations, occasionally flicking his ears in curiosity at her silence. No longer able to contain it, Ember choked out a sob. When she twisted her fingers into Caber’s mane and let her tears drip onto his withers, the stallion craned his neck around and bent his head, snuffling comfort into the crown of her hair.
TWENTY-EIGHT
EIRA BID THOMAS good night, closing the door as she left his room. The meeting had gone as she’d expected. Ever the philosopher, Thomas would spend eternity wringing his hands over Conatus’s dilemma: obedient to the Church yet enmeshed in those dark mysteries it abhorred. She’d doubted the eldest member of the Circle would be amenable to her suggestions, but she had to try. She expected she’d earn the same result when she spoke with Fionn. The scholars were tediously predictable.
Claudio had been a surprise. With his cautious nature, Eira had expected him to reject her offer outright. Instead he’d peppered her with questions, his desire for security proving to outweigh his sense of loyalty to the Church.
Next she would work her way through the Guard and the clerics. Gaining supporters among the knights and magic workers was essential. Time urged her to haste, while the need for secrecy held her back. If her bid was to be successful, she couldn’t delay forever. Now was the perfect time for this shift in power to occur. If all went well, it could happen swiftly and without too much disruption. One by one they would fall into line. Even those who doubted her initially—when they saw what she’d seen, understood how much their lives would change for the better if they followed her—surely then all resistance would fade.
Stopping only to retrieve her heavy riding cloak from her room, Eira made her way from the manor into the courtyard as the sun vanished behind the hills of Glen Shiel. She was halfway to the stables when a shout stopped her.
“Eira!”
She turned to see her sister running across the courtyard. Like Eira, Cian was dressed for a night journey—heavy cloak covering her riding garb.
Cian smiled when she reached Eira’s side. “I’m glad I caught you.”
“Why?” Eira’s sharp tone made Cian step back.
“You’ve made so many of these night trips alone,” Cian said, keeping her tone gentle. “I thought you might need company. And after Dorusduain—”
“You think I need you to watch over me?” Eira laughed. “When was the last time you bested me on the practice field?”
“I meant no insult.” Cian’s brow furrowed. “Only that with the reports we’ve been receiving, it seems unwise for you to scout on your own.”
Knowing an argument would only make Cian more stubborn about accompanying her, Eira worked her mouth into a smile.
“Forgive me, Cian. You didn’t deserve my harsh words. I only worry because you were so recently ill.”
“But I’m well now,” Cian said, blushing. She’d been startled and ashamed when she’d woken in her bed and was told she’d succumbed to fever in the midst of battle. “Let me come with you.”
Eira took her sister’s hands. “Please. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. The truth is I’ve been unable to sleep since the abbot’s visit. I use the night rides to clear my mind. It’s hard to stay within the keep when I feel so often like it’s a prison and Abbot Crichton holds the keys.”