"No. That's not it."
"What's his problem then?"
Jacob leaned down to scoop up another rock. He turned it over and over in his fingers; his eyes were riveted on the black stone while he spoke in a low voice.
"When Sam saw . . . how you were in the beginning, when Billy told them how Charlie worried when you didn't get better, and then when you started jumping off cliffs . . ."
I made a face. No one was ever going to let me forget that.
Jacob's eyes flashed up to mine. "He thought you were the one person in the world with as much reason to hate the Cullens as he does. Sam feels sort of . . . betrayed that you would just let them back into your life like they never hurt you."
I didn't believe for a second that Sam was the only one who felt that way. And the acid in my voice now was for both of them.
"You can tell Sam to go right to -"
"Look at that," Jacob interrupted me, pointing to an eagle in the act of plummeting down toward the ocean from an incredible height. It checked itself at the last minute, only its talons breaking the surface of the waves, just for an instant. Then it flapped away, its wings straining against the load of the huge fish it had snagged.
"You see it everywhere," Jacob said, his voice suddenly distant. "Nature taking its course - hunter and prey, the endless cycle of life and death."
I didn't understand the point of the nature lecture; I guessed that he was just trying to change the subject. But then he looked down at me with dark humor in his eyes.
"And yet, you don't see the fish trying to plant a kiss on the eagle. You never see that." He grinned a mocking grin.
I grinned back tightly, though the acid taste was still in my mouth. "Maybe the fish was trying," I suggested. "It's hard to tell what a fish is thinking. Eagles are good-looking birds, you know."
"Is that what it comes down to?" His voice was abruptly sharper. "Good looks?"
"Don't be stupid, Jacob."
"Is it the money, then?" he persisted.
"That's nice," I muttered, getting up from the tree. "I'm flattered that you think so much of me." I turned my back on him and paced away.
"Aw, don't get mad." He was right behind me; he caught my wrist and spun me around. "I'm serious! I'm trying to understand here, and I'm coming up blank."
His eyebrows pushed together angrily, and his eyes were black in their deep shadow.
"I love him. Not because he's beautiful or because he's rich!" I spat the word at Jacob. "I'd much rather he weren't either one. It would even out the gap between us just a little bit - because he'd still be the most loving and unselfish and brilliant and decent person I've ever met. Of course I love him. How hard is that to understand?"
"It's impossible to understand."
"Please enlighten me, then, Jacob." I let the sarcasm flow thick. "What is a valid reason for someone to love someone else? Since apparently I'm doing it wrong."
"I think the best place to start would be to look within your own species. That usually works."
"Well, that just sucks!" I snapped. "I guess I'm stuck with Mike Newton after all."
Jacob flinched back and bit his lip. I could see that my words had hurt him, but I was too mad to feel bad about that yet. He dropped my wrist and folded his arms across his chest, turning from me to glare toward the ocean.
"I'm human," he muttered, his voice almost inaudible.
"You're not as human as Mike," I continued ruthlessly. "Do you still think that's the most important consideration?"
"It's not the same thing." Jacob didn't look away from the gray waves. "I didn't choose this."
I laughed once in disbelief. "Do you think Edward did? He didn't know what was happening to him any more than you did. He didn't exactly sign up for this."
Jacob was shaking his head back and forth with a small, quick movement.
"You know, Jacob, you're awfully self-righteous - considering that you're a werewolf and all."
"It's not the same," Jacob repeated, glowering at me.
"I don't see why not. You could be a bit more understanding about the Cullens. You have no idea how truly good they are - to the core, Jacob."
He frowned more deeply. "They shouldn't exist. Their existence goes against nature."
I stared at him for a long moment with one eyebrow raised incredulously. It was a while before he noticed.
"What?"
"Speaking of unnatural . . . ," I hinted.
"Bella," he said, his voice slow and different. Aged. I realized that he sounded suddenly older than me - like a parent or a teacher. "What I am was born in me. It's a part of who I am, who my family is, who we all are as a tribe - it's the reason why we're still here.
"Besides that" - he looked down at me, his black eyes unreadable - "I am stillhuman."
He picked up my hand and pressed it to his fever-warm chest. Through his t-shirt, I could feel the steady beating of his heart under my palm.
"Normal humans can't throw motorcycles around the way you can."
He smiled a faint, half-smile. "Normal humans run away from monsters, Bella. And I never claimed to be normal. Just human."
Staying angry with Jacob was too much work. I started to smile as I pulled my hand away from his chest.
"You look plenty human to me," I allowed. "At the moment."
"I feel human." He stared past me, his face far away. His lower lip trembled, and he bit down on it hard.
"Oh, Jake," I whispered, reaching for his hand.
This was why I was here. This was why I would take whatever reception waited for me when I got back. Because, underneath all the anger and the sarcasm, Jacob was in pain. Right now, it was very clear in his eyes. I didn't know how to help him, but I knew I had to try. It was more than that I owed him. It was because his pain hurt me, too. Jacob had become a part of me, and there was no changing that now.
Chapter 5. IMPRINT
"ARE YOU OKAY, JAKE? CHARLIE SAID YOU WERE HAVING a hard time. . . . Isn't it getting any better?"
His warm hand curled around mine. "'S not so bad," he said, but he wouldn't meet my eyes.
He walked slowly back to the driftwood bench, staring at the rainbow-colored pebbles, and pulling me along at his side. I sat back down on our tree, but he sat on the wet, rocky ground rather than next to me. I wondered if it was so that he could hide his face more easily. He kept my hand.