flashing with silver,
follow the Spitfire’s flight –
Dip, dip and swing.
I guess the influence of Make Bright the Arrows is pretty obvious. I don’t think I’m as warlike as Edna St Vincent Millay, but she has a lot to answer for as far as Rose Justice, Poet, is concerned – urging me off to Europe! I am a little blue. No more champagne to look forward to now that Nick’s squadron is gone – nothing but spam sandwiches for the foreseeable future. Oh well – back to work tomorrow.
August 19, 1944
I had that dream about the exploding fuse again – only this time it was Karl who had picked it up and was holding it out to Kurt. GOD.
I bawled so loudly that Mrs Hatch came in to wake me up and made me come downstairs and have a cup of tea. And I am pretty sure that she telephoned Aunt Edie about it, because when I got to the airfield, along with my ferry chit there was a note saying that I’d been invited to have lunch with her in London on my next day off.
Wonderful Aunt Edie! I am looking forward to it.
August 24, 1944
Hamble
Wonderful Aunt Edie and wonderful Uncle Roger!
Uncle Roger has sent me a fuse. What a completely goofy family I have. Concerned, but goofy. When I called Edie to arrange our lunch date, she asked me about the exploding fuse dreams, and I told her about the boys dismantling the bomb by the train tracks, and she must have told Uncle Roger – and his solution to my bad dreams is to send me a fuse from a German bomb. In pieces, with a timing device that attaches to the bottom to delay it going off. It is not a doodlebug fuse but a ‘Type 17 from a 250 kg UXB’ that someone successfully took apart without exploding himself a couple of years ago. Uncle Roger sent it with a diagram and note explaining how ‘demystification’ stops you being afraid of something – I guess the idea is that if you know how something works, it becomes less menacing. Like me taking my friends from school flying so they’ll stop being scared of it.
It was such a weird thing to have delivered to me at the airfield, and I had to show it off. Everyone was interested. Of course nobody had ever seen one, and I very much doubt if it is legal for me to have it. Felicyta naturally wanted to know where Roger had got it, which I couldn’t answer. Maddie had to take it apart and put it back together about ten times. She is a mechanical nut. Felicyta didn’t say anything for a long time, just sat watching Maddie poking at electrical relays. (I was watching her too, watching her small, quick fingers with the French gold and wine-red ruby glittering there, and I thought grimly: now I’m going to dream it’s Maddie’s hands exploding.)
Suddenly Felicyta’s face shrivelled in a look of hatred and she said viciously, ‘I wonder if we could reload it.’ Her heart is in Warsaw, battling for her country with the Polish Resistance.
‘And drop it back on the factory where it came from,’ I went one better.
Felicyta and Maddie gave me awkward, pitying looks. Ignorant American schoolgirl is what those looks said.
‘My sister is at work in a German munitions factory,’ Felicyta said coolly. ‘And my mother. “Political prisoners.” That is German for “slave labour”. They are in a concentration camp.’
The embarrassing thing is, I already knew this, or sort of. But of course I hadn’t really put it together. Anyway, being an Ignorant American Schoolgirl gives me an open ticket to ask brazen, awkward questions, and I’d already put my foot in my mouth, so I just went on.
‘What is a concentration camp, Fliss?’
She shrugged. ‘A prison for civilians – for anyone the Germans don’t like. Poles because they are Poles, Jews because they are Jews. My mother because she gave a blanket to a Jew. My sister because she told the German police my mother was right to do it. People disappear all the time, and you never hear from them again.’
‘But how do you know where your family is?’
Felicyta kept her voice steady, her face still wearing an expression of patient tolerance for ignorant foreigners. ‘Two years ago my father got a postcard from a cousin in the same camp, who was allowed to ask him to send her a food package, and she told him she had seen my mother and sister alive.’
How utterly impossible it is for me to imagine – Felicyta’s mother and sister have been missing for two years. That was what Maddie was talking about on the train. She thought it was worse than being told someone was dead – not ever knowing what happened to them.
You can see why Felicyta is so angry at everything.
‘Fliss, how did you escape?’
She smiled a close-lipped, evil smile, only the corners of her mouth turning up, and said, ‘I stole a plane. OK, it was my own plane, but I did have to steal it! I was doing courier work for the Polish Air Force when the Germans invaded. I knew they would take over all communications aircraft, or destroy them, so I took this one myself. I flew to France. It took me three days, mostly flying in twilight, hiding the plane in woodland by day. France was still free then . . .’
It must have been in 1939. I was thirteen. I was in junior high school. I was oblivious to what was going on in Europe. Or anywhere except right where I was – Justice Field, Mount Jericho, Pennsylvania, the centre of the known universe.
Here is what I already knew about Felicyta’s sister – what I’d forgotten about hearing before. It happened just after I came to Hamble. I was sitting in the Operations room with a few other girls, waiting for the day’s ferry chits to be handed out. I was new enough to be shy and a little bit nervous about sitting down next to people I didn’t know, so I was sitting by myself – it was even before Celia had turned up.
The wireless was on, and because I wasn’t talking to anybody, I was listening to the radio. And it was this ugly story about a prison camp in Germany where they’d been running medical experiments on Polish prisoners, all women, mostly students – cutting open their legs and infecting them with gangrene, simulating bullet wounds, in the name of ‘medical science’ – to find treatments for German soldiers wounded on the Eastern Front. The BBC announcer read through an endless list of names that a former prisoner had secretly memorised when she knew she was going to be released. I was interested because the woman who’d memorised the names was an American citizen. It was compelling stuff – you couldn’t stop listening – but it was so absolutely awful that I couldn’t believe it, and I said so.