No, I assured him. It was not.
I walked slowly to my room, wondering what sort of man was this monstrumologist, who saw his mission as one to save a friend—not to bring to justice a brutal killer who had slaughtered (“desecrated” had been his word for it) the woman he loved. Ah, the human heart is darker than the darkest pit, with more winding paths and confusing turns than a Monstrumarium! The more I learned about him, the less I knew. The more I knew, the less I understood.
I started when I opened my bedroom door, for sitting on the bed was Lilly Bates, wearing a pink dressing gown, an open book lying on the bed next to her.
“I’m sorry.” I started to back out of the room.
“Where are you going?” she demanded.
“I am in the wrong room. . . .”
“Don’t be silly. This is your room. You should sleep with me tonight.” She patted the spot next to her. “Unless you’re afraid,” she teased.
“I’m not afraid,” I said with as much firmness as I could muster. “I’m just used to sleeping alone.”
“So am I, but you are my guest. At least you are my uncle’s guest, which makes you my guest, once removed. I promise I do not snore and I do not bite, and I only drool a little bit.” She smiled gaily at me and patted the covers again. “Don’t you want to be close to the doctor’s room, in case he needs you?”
That argument I had difficulty refuting, and for a moment I considered returning to him and asking if I could share his bed. But then I would have had to explain why, and the cost of that answer would have been very high. He might have never shut up and let me sleep. With a sigh I dragged myself over to the bed and sat upon the very edge.
“You’re not on,” she pointed out.
“I am on.”
“You’re barely on.”
“Barely on is still on.”
“How are you going to sleep like that? And you haven’t even put on your nightshirt.”
“I’m going to sleep in my clothes. In case of an emergency.”
“What kind of an emergency?”
“The kind of emergency where you can’t be wearing a nightshirt.”
“You could curl up on the rug there and sleep at my feet like a faithful dog.”
“But I’m not a dog.”
“But you’re very faithful like a dog.”
Inwardly I groaned. What god had I offended to deserve this?
“I think you will make a fine husband one day, William Henry,” she decided. “For a woman who likes husbands fearful but faithful. You’re not the kind at all I am going to marry. My husband will be brave and very strong and tall, and he will be musically inclined. He will write poetry, and he will be smarter than my uncle or even your doctor. He will be smarter than Mr. Thomas Alva Edison.”
“Too bad he already has a wife.”
“You may make jokes, but don’t you ever think about what sort of person you will marry?”
“I’m twelve.”
“And I am thirteen—nearly fourteen. What has age to do with it? Juliet found her Romeo when she was my age.”
“And look what happened to her.”
“Well, you are his little apprentice, aren’t you? What, you don’t believe in love?”
“I don’t know enough about it to believe or disbelieve.”
She scooted across the bed and brought her face very close to mine. I dared not turn my head to face her.
“What would you do right now, this very moment, if I kissed you?”
I answered with a shake of my head.
“I believe you would fall over in a dead faint. You’ve never kissed a girl, have you?”
“No.”
“Should we test my hypothesis?”
“I would rather we didn’t.”
“Why not?” I could feel her warm breath on my cheek. “Aren’t you studying to be a scientist?”
“I think I’d rather have a Mongolian Death Worm liquefy my flesh.”
I should not have said that. I think she had forgotten up to that point. Before I could protest she pulled down the bandage to expose my wound. I remained frozen to the spot as her breath traveled down to the sore.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen a scab that big,” she whispered. She ran the tip of her finger over the spot. “Does that hurt?”
“No. Yes.”
“Which is it?”
I didn’t answer. I was shivering. I felt very warm, but I shivered.
The mattress squeaked softly. Her weight compressed the springs, tipping me in her direction. Her moist lips pressed against my violated flesh.
“There. Now you’ve been kissed.”
I quickly discovered that, among other things, Lillian Trumbul Bates was a terrible liar. Though she did not bite and did drool only a little bit, she was a terrific snorer. By one a.m. I was actually considering placing a pillow over her face to muffle the sound.
I was thankful, though, for my clothing. The room became very cold during the night; I lost feeling in the tip of my nose. I think Lilly got cold too, for she rolled over in her sleep and pressed herself against me. The moment was both disconcerting and comforting.
We are more than what is reflected in the Yellow Eye, von Helrung had said.
With Lilly curled against me, I stared at the golden splay of light coming from a streetlamp on the avenue below. I rose toward it. I came into it. There was nothing but the golden light.
Then I heard the wind high above. There was the light and there was the wind. There was nothing else. I could hear the wind, but I could not feel it. I floated, incorporeal in the golden light.
There was a voice there in the wind. It was beautiful. It called my name. The voice was in the wind and the wind was in the voice and they were one. The wind and the voice were one.
In the empty room my mother sits, combing out her hair. I am there with her and she is alone. Her face is turned away from me. Her bare arms are golden in the light. It is not her voice that calls me. It is the wind’s voice.
The wind has a current like a river rushing to the sea.
It pulls me to her. I do not fight against the current of the wind. I want to be with her in the empty room of golden light.
There, my mother turns to look at me. She has no eyes. Her face has been stripped of its skin. Her empty sockets are black holes where the golden light is sucked down and cannot escape. There is no escape.