“You know I have faith in you, Sita.”
“Just say it.”
Matt hesitates. “There’s no reason to think the veil’s going to help us with the Cradle’s program.”
“Tarana wanted Shanti to find it. That’s good enough for me.”
“You assume he’s behind the program.”
“Yes.”
Matt is doubtful. “You were under a lot of pressure at IIC’s headquarters. You can’t be sure everything you saw or felt was real.”
“It was real enough that your mother sacrificed her life to help destroy it.”
The reference to Umara stings Matt and I regret having brought her up. “My mother believed in a lot of things my father never did.”
“Umara believed in Krishna. So did your father.”
“So?”
“So they trusted each other with what matters.”
Matt goes to snap but stops. He doesn’t take his eyes off me. They’re beautiful eyes, but when he’s annoyed, when he’s outright angry, they burn. He speaks in a low voice.
“Do you honestly feel Krishna sent you back to save the earth?”
“It was my choice to return.” I meet his glare. “I came back for you and Seymour. I don’t know about the rest of the world.”
“Did you really see Krishna?”
“Yes. When I died. I mean, when I was dead, before I entered Teri’s body.”
“What was it like?”
Suddenly there’s a lump in my throat. “There are no words.”
“Then why did you return?”
“I told you.”
Matt turns and opens the door, although he stops before leaving. “Since everyone got up this morning, we’ve been going nonstop. I didn’t want to pressure you about this, but Seymour and Brutran need to know why we’re chasing this veil.”
“You said that already.”
“I’m saying something else. It would help if you told them what happened during the war.”
“It would help you.”
Matt nods. “You brought it up but never explained what the Nazis did to you. And how the veil saved you. You should share what you know.”
“Even with Brutran?”
Matt shrugs. “For better or worse, she’s part of our team. And she is awfully competent.”
“I think you like her. Her and her daughter.”
“Jolie’s a doll. But I haven’t forgotten who Brutran is.”
“For all we know it was Brutran who gave the order to take over your body when we were stuck in the mountains. It was that decision that led to Teri’s death.”
Matt hates the fact I have brought up what happened that morning. When he lost all control and accidentally shot me in the chest with a Telar laser. Once again—the guy does have a temper—his face darkens.
“Fine,” he says. “Tell me and Seymour the story. Leave Brutran out of it. But please give us all the facts. Remember, you’re the one who keeps harping on how few leads we have.”
“I doubt a record of my days in Auschwitz will help us locate Sarah Goodwin.”
“You think? Even when her husband said the man who attacked them looked like Himmler?”
“I didn’t know you understood the reference.”
“You weren’t the only one who helped defeat the Nazis.” Matt turns and steps through the door, talking over his shoulder. “I’m in the next room. Shout if you need me. I won’t be sleeping.”
“Stay away from the game. Okay?”
Matt nods but I can tell he’s not listening. He leaves.
I’m upset, and I seldom get upset. It was his damn question. Why did I choose to return? I feel as if I could weep, and wipe at tears that are not there. Then I realize my hands are trembling. They never tremble.
What’s wrong with me?
It’s pretty obvious.
I can’t stop thinking about what it felt like to stand at the threshold of Krishna’s realm. The joy, the utter contentment, the relief . . .
Why did I turn my back on paradise?
Do I really know? Did I lie to Matt?
I push the questions away. I’m here on earth now, that’s what’s real. I have a job to do. I have to decide whether Mr. Grey is for us or against us.
Like with Roger Goodwin, I try my best to link with Mr. Grey’s mind. Closing my eyes, taking a few deep breaths, I allow the now-familiar dome of magnetism to surround my head. It has become so strong that I feel I can almost reach out and touch it.
Instead, I will it to expand and encompass the sleeping man’s body. Since my dark days working with the Cradle, I’ve discovered my telepathic abilities have greatly increased to where I can directly read other people’s thoughts, not simply sense their emotional states. Yet as I reach for Grey’s mind, I encounter a curious barrier. It’s not like the psychic shield someone like Brutran has deliberately cultivated over years of practice, which relies upon intense concentration to be maintained. This wall appears intrinsic to the man’s mind. It’s blocking me even though he’s unconscious. Also, I don’t feel as if there’s anyone there. It’s a puzzle; it’s almost as if Mr. Grey were a corpse.
“Who are you?” I wonder aloud.
His breathing concerns me. It’s shallow and irregular. Plus his pulse is thin and ragged. It’s possible the blow to his head is causing his brain to swell, which could lead to death if not treated. Still, I hesitate to take him to a hospital. I can’t forget the way he looked at me when he opened his eyes, the way he said my name. It was like he was happy to see me.
I decide to do something I almost never do.
Pricking my thumb with the nail on my index finger, I allow three drops of my blood to drip onto his egg-sized bruise. When I struck at Ray’s father long ago, and crushed his skull, he begged me to save him from dying. I told him the truth, that I couldn’t save him, I couldn’t heal, I could only kill.
But since then three significant events have changed who I am. First, my maker, Yaksha, gave me all his blood just before he died, which greatly enhanced every one of my abilities, while adding a few new ones. Second was the infusion of my daughter’s blood before she left this world. Kalika was a terrifying being, but she was also a goddess, and when her essence entered me, a part of me opened up to worlds unseen. Finally, when Umara put my soul back in my body, she used a vial of Krishna’s blood to complete the process, and after that I no longer had to believe in a spiritual realm, I sensed it in my heart.