Fortunately—and I suspected by design—Tegan greeted them one by one, using their names, and I made a note of who they were. The tall one, Hannah, smiled at me. “I see you eating all the time with that scarred boy. Is he sparking you?”
Uncertainty welled up. I didn’t know that word. If Fade was here, I’d look to him for clarification, but I preferred not to reveal my ignorance to girls I hardly knew.
Tegan answered for me, her voice sharp. “Deuce has better taste than that.”
Which made me bristle on Stalker’s behalf. I felt pulled in three directions, and as if I would wind up being disloyal, no matter whose side I chose. I understood why she hated him, but it was hard for me to blame him when he hadn’t been taught otherwise. The things I’d done on the elders’ orders filled me with hot shame now. I had killed an innocent man as a test of loyalty, and I’d let them murder a brat in cold blood. My own hands weren’t clean. Maybe Tegan’s were; and she’d never hurt anyone who didn’t deserve it. I couldn’t help what I’d done before I learned it was wrong. I could only do better in the future. And the same held true for Stalker, whether anybody else believed it or not. Whether he could rise above the person he’d been in the gangs, well, that rested squarely in his own hands.
Tegan had asked me not to tell anyone what she went through. These shallow girls would think she was damaged, unclean, and that was their mistake. What she had survived made her stronger, far tougher than they could imagine. But I understood why she wanted to fit in and keep her secrets. I’d guard them with my life.
“He looks scary,” Merry said then. She was shorter than me with straight red hair and a mess of freckles.
I nodded. “He can be.”
“I heard you gave my brother, Frank, a whipping.” That came from a girl who had just walked up. I recognized her because she looked like Frank, dark haired and slim, but we’d never spoken before. She giggled. “I wish I could have been there to see it. I’m sure he had it coming.”
I smiled back, relief feeling warm as sunshine. “It wasn’t personal. I just wanted to show Longshot what I could do.”
“Tegan says you’ve killed a million Muties,” Merry put in.
“I doubt that,” I mumbled, blushing.
“But you have fought them,” Hannah pressed.
I nodded. “It was my job.”
Frank’s sister shivered, rubbing her hands along her bare arms. “I can’t believe you crossed the wilderness by yourself.”
“There were four of us,” I pointed out.
“That’s right,” Hannah said. “Tegan told us how terrifying it was. I don’t think I would have survived.”
Nadia, a thin, quiet girl who reminded me of Thimble with the intensity of her expression, murmured, “Did you really live in a hole?”
“Not exactly. It was more of a series of tunnels.”
A couple girls laughed, thinking I was joking, but I suspected this wasn’t how the party should go. I was supposed to be making friends, not reminding them how different I was. But before I could change the subject, Justine came up, unhappiness percolating in her eyes. The blue fire there said she blamed me for the fact that everyone wasn’t clustered around her.
“What are we talking about?” she asked with false cheer.
“How dangerous it was for Tegan and Deuce getting to Salvation,” Merry supplied, not seeing the danger.
“Oh,” Justine breathed. “Yes, I expect normal girls wouldn’t have stood a chance out there. And it wasn’t prudent traveling with boys like they did, either.” Her superior manner rubbed me the wrong way, but it was her party, and I was her guest. I had manners enough to know I shouldn’t whip her arm behind her back and grind her face in the dirt.
Even though I kind of wanted to.
“Sometimes we don’t get a choice,” I murmured. “We do what we have to.”
Hannah nodded. “I think so every time I do my chores.”
From there, the girls then started talking about what kind of party they wanted for their birthdays, relieving me of the necessity of paying attention. As long as I nodded and smiled and looked interested, that was all they seemed to require from me. We ate a little, played some silly games, and then had cake, after which point Justine opened all of her presents—and there were a pile, bigger than anything I’d ever seen. And most of the gifts were brand-new, not scrounged. There were ribbons and hairbrushes, hand-carved combs, shiny bottles, a pretty new blouse with a curly collar, and a few things that I couldn’t even name. Such plenty gave me a little pang. Down below, I’d seldom owned anything that hadn’t belonged to someone else first, just my knives and club.
I wondered if Justine knew how lucky she was to have such good friends, and to have a family who would go to such trouble for her. Even here, I was on the outside, looking in, and trying to make sense of customs that seemed strange to me. This, I realized, watching her disinterest as she pushed small parcels aside to get to bigger ones. This is what Edmund was talking about when he said the people had too many blessings. The thought unnerved me because, from here, it was only half a step to people blaming Justine for the Freak attack that afternoon. Whatever reason the monsters had for hating humanity, I was sure it had nothing to do with a girl’s party, or how many presents she received.
But others might not see that.
Sleepover
Walking home with Tegan after the party, I listened to her chatter with half an ear. It wasn’t until she tapped me on the shoulder that I realized she’d asked me a question. “So did you like everyone? Merry said she’s going to ask your foster mom if you can spend the night sometime this summer.”
“They were nice,” I said, wondering why I’d want to sleep at Merry’s house when I had a bed of my own.
“Nicer than you expected?”
I nodded.
She bounced a little as we walked. “I just knew it would work out if you put in some effort and stopped skulking around with Stalker.”
“He’s not as bad as you think,” I said quietly. “And he’s completely alone.”
“I never understood why you spent a minute with him when you had Fade staring at you all the time.”
I stopped, incredulous. “For the last two months, he hardly said a word to me. He was always with you.”