“We don’t belong here,” he said, once we settled in the shadows.
I didn’t think so either, not in the roles they intended us to play. They couldn’t accept that we weren’t stupid brats who had to be supervised. We’d seen and survived things these folks couldn’t imagine. Though I hated to judge people kind enough to take us in, they weren’t very worldly in some respects.
“I know.” When I finally answered, I kept my voice soft.
People already said this place was haunted; that was why nobody had continued the construction. I hadn’t even know what that meant until Longshot explained it to me. The idea of a ghost was foreign; that part of a person could live on outside his body made no sense on the surface, but sometimes I wondered if I had Silk’s spirit in my head. I’d asked Longshot if people could be haunted like places, but he’d said, I’m not even sure places can be, Deuce. You’re asking the wrong man if you want esoteric knowledge. Since I didn’t know what esoteric meant either, I let the matter drop. Topside had lots of foreign words and concepts; I was digesting them as fast as I could … but so much strangeness made me feel small and stupid.
I hid those moments as best I could.
“We could leave,” Stalker said.
In the dark, I studied my fingers as if I could see the tiny marks from the needle I wasn’t accustomed to plying. “And go where?”
We’d almost died traveling from the ruins, and there had been four of us. Tegan wouldn’t leave Salvation, and I wasn’t sure about Fade. For all I knew, he was happy working with the animals. I hadn’t talked to him to say more than a handful of words in weeks—and that was another reason for my quiet unhappiness. Sometimes I tried to bridge the distance, but Fade avoided me at school, and his foster father was a brusque, impatient man who shooed me away from the stables on the occasions I had visited. Go on, Mr. Jensen would say. The boy doesn’t have time to wag his jaw.
“There are other settlements.”
He’d passed through the same wreckage as I had while we pushed north. Most towns and cities had been overrun. In all these months, Longshot was the only human we’d seen in the wilderness. Even if we didn’t like our lot, it made sense to stick it out until we were old enough to have some say in town decisions. Unfortunately, that could be a long time. That was incredibly frustrating because I wasn’t a brat anymore; I’d passed my trials and become an adult. The things I had survived had moved me beyond childhood, and I had wisdom to offer, no matter how many years I had.
“Enough of this.” He pushed to his feet and fell into a fighting crouch.
And that was why I met him in secret. He understood. Stalker wouldn’t let me forget who I was. Momma Oaks had suggested I disregard my old life and try to become a “regular” girl. My first week in her home, she explained how females were expected to behave in Salvation. She made me long-sleeve blouses to hide my scars, and put my hair in neat braids. I hated the clothes, but the hairstyle was practical for fighting, at least.
He lunged; I blocked. Even in the dark, I could tell he was smiling as my fist slammed into his torso. Sometimes he let me land a few hits early on, but he would never admit it. We circled and sparred until I had no more breath, and several new bruises. Good thing my foster mother insisted on modesty, or I wouldn’t be able to hide this night’s work.
“You all right, dove?”
I wasn’t; I longed for Fade and I hated lessons and I missed being valued for my skill. As if in consolation, Stalker tipped my chin up and tried to kiss me. I sprang away with an aggravated sigh. Though I wasn’t interested in more than training, he had great determination that he’d change my mind someday. I couldn’t see it happening. If he thought I’d ever breed with him, he’d better be ready for an argument that ended with my knives in his gut.
“I’ll see you at school,” I muttered.
After confirming the path was clear, I left the little house and headed for the Oakses’ place. Climbing back into my room was more challenging than getting out. First, I had to shimmy up the tree, inch along the branch, and then leap over to my window. It wasn’t too great a distance, but if I landed wrong, I’d fall, which would prove impossible to explain. This time I managed without waking the household. Once on my return, I had Momma Oaks in my room demanding to know what I meant by that racket. I’d pleaded a bad dream, which led to her poor lambing me, and hugging me to her ample breast for intended comfort. This always left me feeling awkward and unsure.
That night, I lay awake a long time, remembering times long gone, and people I would never see again. Stone and Thimble, my two brat-mates … they’d acted like they believed the charges against me—that I was capable of hoarding—and that still hurt. I missed so many people: Silk; Twist, the elder’s right-hand man; plus the little brat 26, who looked up to me. In a fever dream, Silk told me that the enclave was no more; I wondered if I could believe that knowledge, but I didn’t see a way to confirm it. I’d lost nearly everyone I cared about when I left home. Now it felt as if I’d lost Fade too. Up on the wall, when Longshot had killed its companion, the surviving Freak cried out, and that protest made me wonder if the monsters felt, like we did, if they could miss the ones taken from them. Wrestling with that uncomfortable possibility, I fell at last into an uneasy doze.
The nightmare began.
My flesh crawled with the smell as we made the last turn. I’d long since gotten used to the darkness and the chill, but the stink was new. It smelled like the time when the Freaks had surrounded us in the car, only a hundred times worse. Fade stilled me with a hand on my arm. I read from his gestures that he wanted us to stay close to the wall and move very slowly on the approach. He got no argument from me.
We came upon the busted barricade first. There was no guard posted. Inside the settlement, Freaks shambled about their business. They were fat in comparison with the ones we’d encountered on the way. Horror surged through me. For a moment I couldn’t take it all in; the silence of corpses drowned every thought.
There was no one here to save, and our elders had killed the sole surviving Nassau citizen. That meant our nearest trade outpost lay four days in the opposite direction. Fade put his hand on my arm and cocked his head the way we’d come. Yes, it was time to go. We could do nothing here but die.