Holiday started to grin.
Kylie frowned. "You know what I mean. I want to live my life like every other sixteen-year-old girl. I want to tell dirty jokes with my friends, maybe drink some cool alcohol drink every now and then-that doesn't taste like dog piss-and get tipsy. Not that I'll drive afterward or anything."
Holiday chuckled and Kylie expected the fae had probably picked up on Kylie's emotions and knew what else she wanted to do.
And with whom she wanted to do it.
"Being a protector doesn't make you a saint," Holiday said. "It makes you a caring person. You don't have to give up boys."
Kylie felt her face burn a little hotter. She put her palms down behind her and leaned back. "Well, that's the best news I've had all day."
Holiday laughed again. "How are things going in the 'boy' department?"
"Better. Not perfect," Kylie answered, and she thought about Lucas's reaction to the ghosts and the whole issue with his pack.
"Better is good," Holiday said. "Derek has already called me since I've been back, asking me how you were. He said he heard about what happened at the cemetery. Have you seen him?"
"Not much." Kylie swallowed. She didn't want to talk about him, because then she'd be tempted to ask about the reason for Derek's sudden overcharged reaction to her emotions. If anyone would know that answer, it would be Holiday. But frankly, Kylie didn't think she should care. Not when Derek didn't care enough to put his pride aside and ask for the guidance himself.
* * *
The next hour rolled past and they just sat there on the porch, enjoying the breeze that wasn't exactly cool, but not terribly hot either, and they talked about everything but Lucas and Derek. Kylie asked if Burnett had told her anything about the Brightens that he hadn't shared with her.
Holiday assured her that Burnett wasn't keeping anything from her.
"Have you spoken with your stepdad?" Holiday asked a few minutes later.
"Not since I've been back," Kylie confessed. "But I have an e-mail from him and I'll bet he's planning on coming for Parents Day."
"But you don't want him to come?"
"I don't know," Kylie admitted. "I was almost ready to forgive him. But when he tried to use me to get to my mom by saying, 'Kylie would love for us all to go out for lunch,' that's when I remembered how mad I still was at him for leaving us."
"So you haven't forgiven him yet?"
"Maybe I've forgiven him, but I just haven't forgotten."
"Thing is, those two sort of go hand in hand. Not that you'll ever really forget, but you accept that it happened and move on. You accept that all people make mistakes. No one is perfect."
"And what if you can't?" Kylie watched a bee buzz past her. "What if I can't ever really forgive him?"
"Then you let go," she said.
Kylie remembered how she'd hugged her father when he'd come to see her and told her he was sorry. While it had been hard, even painful, hugging him had felt right. She wasn't ready to let go of what they'd had. It would hurt too much.
Even more than accepting the truth.
She couldn't help wondering if that was how one made the decision to forgive or not. If letting go hurt more than accepting someone's mistakes. She could only hope that in time, accepting would come easier for her.
"Are you going to e-mail and tell him to come up for Parents Day?"
"Probably. But he and Mom will have to take shifts again. I don't think they can be in the same room together. Maybe not even on the same block."
"That could change," Holiday said, and brushed an insect away.
Kylie decided to tell Holiday her fear about her mom. "I think my mom is ready to start dating."
"Yikes! I remember when my parents did that. Talk about awkward."
"Yeah. She's ready, but I'm not sure I am." Kylie bit down on her lip. "I guess down deep I was always hoping they would get back together. And I could have one thing that was like it used to be. A little bit of normal would be good, ya know?"
"Yeah, but normal is overrated, too." She grinned. "So tell me about this blue jay."
Kylie wrapped her arms around her legs tight and told her the story. Then she decided to ask the big question. "How much of my soul did I give away?"
"If you gave any of it away, it was very, very little. You won't even miss it."
"But what happens when I give it away? Do I die earlier? Am I more likely to go to hell? What's the price of a piece of my soul?"
Holiday shrugged. "Well, if you do indeed have the ability to raise the dead, the price varies. If it's ordained by the gods, then its cost to you is nothing. It even adds to your soul."
"How do you know if it's ordained?" Kylie asked.
"You'll just know. The powers that be will make it very clear."
Kylie shivered a bit at the mention of the powers that be. She hesitated to ask her next question, but as she'd told Holiday earlier, ignorance was a lousy form of protection. "And if it's not ordained?"
"Then the price is based on the quality of life that the person goes on to live. If they live a good life, the price is very low. Practically moot. If they abuse life, or the lives of others, then it can nip at your soul. Their sins, in a small way, become your sins. I'm not sure how accountable one is held for these sins, but I've heard emotionally it can leave you feeling empty. And yes, the less soul you have, the shorter the life you usually live."
Kylie frowned. "Kind of makes you not want to bring anyone back."
"Well, I'm sure it was designed that way so it gives people pause. As hard as it is, death is a part of life. But we're probably discussing this for nothing, Kylie. Just because you think you might have brought a bird back to life doesn't mean you have this gift."
Kylie wanted to believe what Holiday was saying was true, but she wasn't sure she did. "Does healing someone take a part of my soul? I mean, if bringing someone to life does, it makes sense that healing them might, too."
"Not like it does raising the dead," Holiday said. "It does drain you, though."
Kylie remembered how tired she'd felt after healing Sara and then Lucas.