I wanted to stop there - the next set of memories was the most painful - but my thoughts raced on. Returning to the city of Mr Crepsley's youth. Running into Debbie again - an adult now, a teacher. Other faces from the past - R.V. and Steve Leopard. The former used to be an eco-warrior, a man who blamed me for the loss of his hands. He'd become a vampaneze and was part of a plot to lure my allies and me underground, where the Lord of the Vampaneze could kill us.
Steve was part of that plot too, though at first I thought he was on our side. Steve was my best friend when we were kids. We went to the Cirque Du Freak together. He recognized Mr Crepsley and asked to be his assistant. Mr Crepsley refused - he said Steve had evil blood. Later, Steve was bitten by Mr Crepsley's poisonous tarantula. Only Mr Crepsley could cure him. I became a half-vampire to save Steve's life, but Steve didn't see it that way. He thought I'd betrayed him and taken his place among the vampires. He became hell-bent on revenge.
Underground in Mr Crepsley's city. Facing the vampaneze in a chamber Steve had named the Cavern of Retribution. Me, Mr Crepsley, Vancha, Harkat, Debbie and a police officer called Alice Burgess. A huge fight. Mr Crepsley faced the man we thought was the Lord of the Vampaneze. He killed him. But then Steve killed Mr Crepsley by knocking him into a pit of stakes. A gut-churning blow, made all the worse when Steve revealed the shocking truth ?he was the real Lord of the Vampaneze!
I reached the last of the tents and stopped, gazing around, half-dazed. We'd set up camp in an abandoned football stadium. It used to be the home ground of the local football team, but they'd moved to a new, purpose-built stadium some years ago. The old stadium was due to be demolished - apartment blocks were to be built over the ruins - but not for several months yet. It was an eerie feeling, staring around at thousands of empty seats in the ghost stadium.
Ghosts? That put me in mind of my next, bizarre quest with Harkat, in what we now knew was a shade of the future. Once again I began to wonder if that ruined future world was unavoidable. Could I prevent it by killing Steve, or was it destined to come no matter who won the War of the Scars?
Before I got too worked up about it, someone stepped up beside me and said, "Is the party over?"
I looked around and saw the scarred, stitched-together, grey-skinned face of Harkat Mulds. "No," I smiled. "It's winding down, but it hasn't finished yet."
"Good. I was afraid I'd miss it." Harkat had been out on the streets most of the day, handing out fliers for the Cirque Du Freak - that was one of his regular jobs every time we arrived at a new venue. He stared at me with his round, green, lidless eyes. "How do you feel?" he asked.
"Strange. Worried. Unsure of myself."
"Have you been out there yet?" Harkat waved a hand at the town beyond the walls of the stadium. I shook my head. "Are you going to go, or do you plan? to hide here until we leave?"
"I'll go," I said. "But it's hard. So many years. So many memories." This was the real reason I was so fixed on the past. After all these years of travel, I'd returned home to the town where I was born and had lived all my human life.
"What if my family's still here?" I asked Harkat.
"Your parents?" he replied.
"And Annie, my sister. They think I'm dead. What if they see me?"
"Would they recognize you?" Harkat asked. "It's been a long time. People change."
"Humans do," I snorted. "But I've only aged four or five years."
"Maybe it wouldn't be a bad thing to? see them again," Harkat said. "Imagine their joy if they learnt that? you were still alive."
"No," I said forcefully. "I've been thinking about that ever since Mr Tall told me we were coming here. Iwant to track them down. It would be wonderful for me - but terrible for them. They buried me. They've done their grieving and have hopefully moved on with their lives. It wouldn't be fair to bring back all those old pains and torments."
"I'm not sure I agree with that," Harkat said, "but it's? your decision. So stay here with the Cirque. Lay low. Hide."
"I can't," I sighed. "This is my home town. I've got an itch to walk the streets again, see how much has changed, look for old faces that I used to know. I want to find out what happened to my friends. The wise thing would be to keep my head down - but when didI ever do the wise thing?"
"And maybe trouble would find you? even if you did," Harkat said.
"What do you mean?" I frowned.
Harkat glanced around uneasily. "I have a strange feeling about? this place," he croaked.
"What sort of a feeling?" I asked.
"It's hard to explain. Just a feeling that this is? a dangerous place, but also the place where? we're meant to be. Something's going to happen here. Don't you sense it?"
"No - but my thoughts are all overthe place right now."
"We've often discussed your decision to? stay with the Cirque," Harkat reminded me, making little of the many arguments we'd had about whether or not I should leave and seek out the Vampire Generals. He believed I was hiding from my duty, that we should seek out the vampires and resume the hunt for the Vampaneze Lord.
"You're not starting that again, are you?" I groaned.
"No," he said. "The opposite. I now think you were right. If we hadn't stuck with the Cirque? we wouldn't be here now. And, as I said, I think we're? meant to be here."
I studied Harkat silently. "What do you think will happen?" I asked quietly.
"The feeling isn't that specific," Harkat said.
"But if you had to guess?" I pressed.
Harkat shrugged awkwardly. "I think we might run into? Steve Leonard, or find a clue which? points towards him."
My insides tightened at the thought of facing Steve again. I hated him for what he'd done to us, especially killing Mr Crepsley. But just before he died, Mr Crepsley warned me not to devote my life to hatred. He said it would twist me like Steve. So although I hungered for the chance to get even, I worried about it too. I didn't know how I'd react when I saw him again, whether I'd be able to control my emotions or give in to blind, hateful rage.
"You're frightened," Harkat noted.
"Yes. But not of Steve. I'm frightened of whatI might do."