Except in my heart I knew this wasn't about logic or facts. It was about doing what was right, not what was easy. And I knew if I ran away and abandoned these people now, I would never be able to live with myself. I had to see this through, wherever that path led me.
Maybe Mom was right. Maybe I was crazy after all.
“You could die,” Dad said. “You understand that, don’t you? You could have died last night. We all could have.”
I nodded. “If not for Hayden.”
Dad groaned. “Please tell me you’re not doing this for that boy.”
“I’m not.” At least, not entirely. Hayden was only part of it. Even if he woke up in an hour and drove away from this group in his truck, I would stay with these people.
“Then tell me why.”
Pressing my hands against my temples, I struggled to explain my decision to myself as much as my dad. “I..I need to know, okay? I need to know what happens to these people. And not through some news article or book someone else writes years from now. I need to see it with my own eyes, to be a part of it. To...”
“Is this some late blooming teenage need to fit in somewhere?” Dad’s face scrunched up, as if channeling even a few seconds of Mom’s therapist line of thinking hurt his brain.
I swallowed a laugh. “No. I’ve known for awhile now that I’m not an outcast and will never truly fit in with them, at least not in that way. It’s more about...” I tried again to understand, to put it into words. “Jeremy sees it all, you know? He sees the true world around us, not just the sanitized or safe parts, and not the lies told by the governments. He’s right there in the middle of it all, doing something important just by being there, by witnessing it and then writing it down as best he can so others can experience it too. He makes his readers see it and feel it and smell it just like he did just by reading one of his articles. He gives a voice to people who have none.”
“And he could get seriously hurt or die in the process. Is that what you want? Are you jealous that his life is more exciting than yours?”
I did laugh at that. “Dad, there is no way his life is more exciting than mine right now.” I shook my head. “This isn’t some thrill ride for me. I think...” I remembered how I felt every weekend, watching Gary and Aimee and the others as they experimented with their growing powers, how it had felt to see that process taking shape right before me even when my own attempts to do magic failed. “I think maybe this is what I was always destined to do. I want to be a part of the real world, not just watch it safely from my couch at home. And I want...”
I hesitated then finally said out loud the words I’d hardly even dared to think to myself in secret. “I want to live it, and then I want to write about it so others can live it too. I want to be a voice for people who have none. Like Jeremy.”
Dad groaned. “That’s what this is about? You want to be a journalist like your big brother?”
I smiled tiredly, my free hand absently stroking the side of Hayden’s forehead where my fingertips found his reassuringly steady heartbeat pulsing just beneath the skin at his temple. “I don’t know if I want to write for a newspaper or magazine, or if I just want to write a book someday. I guess I haven’t quite got it all figured out yet. But I’m working on it. Promise I’ll let you know when I know?”
“And just how long do you plan on...embedding yourself with these people before you’ve seen enough to write your story?”
I shrugged one shoulder. “No idea. I guess I’ll know the ending to their story when I see it.”
Dad sighed and shook his head. “Even if you do get the story written and out there someday, just how long do you think you’ll be able to hide before the government comes after you for writing it? You’re going to be in enough trouble as it is just for breaking out of an internment camp. The government’s sure to believe you’re from the Clann now. If you write a story revealing what’s really going on, and they find you—”
“If they find me.”
“When they find you, they’re not going to let you escape again. They’ll throw you right back into another internment camp. How am I and your mother and brother supposed to save you then? Especially if we don’t even know where you are?”
Again he had a good point. “Maybe I’m turning into a rebel, but Jeremy’s not. You know he’s smart enough to always dance on the right side of the law. So we’ll just use him as our go between. When I change locations, I’ll post a message on this forum he likes to use all the time to find new sources. I’ll use that nickname he always used to call me by.”
“Worm?” Dad said with a half smile.
I nodded, remembering how Jeremy used to love to sneak up behind me, grab my ankles, and yank me into the air upside down while saying “look, Ma, I hooked a worm!” So stupid of him, and yet now I’d give anything for him to do it again. But it had been years since I was small enough for him to pick me up. And now there was no telling when I’d even see my big brother again.
I sighed.
Dad shook his head, his eyes turning sad. “Do you honestly expect me to let my little girl just go running off with a bunch of strangers for who knows how long on some crazy mission to become a Pulitzer prize winning writer?”
“You let Jeremy.”
“He’s—”
“Do not say it’s because he’s a boy,” I warned.
“I was going to say he’s older,” Dad muttered. “Not to mention he at least went to college first. And he’s being as safe as he can. He’s with the military everywhere he goes, in armored vehicles, wearing protective gear. And on the right side of the law, as you just pointed out.”
“But he’s still in war-torn areas risking getting blown up by some road side bomb or a missile toting terrorist at any second. And if he gets caught by the other side, his being a legally embedded American journalist will only make things worse for him.”
Dad grunted his reluctant agreement with those points, and with that single sound, I was taken right back to the countless family debates I’d managed to survive sitting through all my life.
Family debates I might never be a part of again.
I cleared my throat as it tried to tighten. “And besides, what does going to college have to do with it? I don’t have to go to college to become a journalist.”