"What if this kid learns how bad its dad was and decides to follow in Gowin's footsteps someday?"
I frowned. "Then that'll be its decision, not yours. As long as you do your best to show it a better path, that's all you can do. It's up to each of us to decide who and what we want to become."
Like Tristan.
Emily sighed and dropped her head back on the sofa. "Being pregnant really, really stinks."
I made the most sympathetic face I could. "I'm sure it doesn't help that this is your first time and you have no idea what to do. If only there were some kind of manual...hang on. Maybe there is!"
I jumped up and vamp blurred into the bunk room to dig through my jeans until I found it...the credit card Dad had given me the other day to buy stuff from the local gas station outside the park. He'd said the Clann shouldn't be able to trace it because it was under one of his aliases that nobody else knew about, and that it was safe for us to use for whatever we needed.
I found my phone, pulled up the internet and found an ebookstore website. A long series of fast screen taps, and two minutes later we had an account all set up and ready for use.
"Here." I tilted the phone so Emily could see the screen, too. "They've got tons of ebooks on pregnancy and motherhood. What to Expect When You're Expecting. The Complete Single Mother. The Complete Idiot's Guide to Motherhood."
"Seriously?" Emily laughed. "Let me see that." She took the phone and peered more closely at it. "Wow. I had no clue they'd have so many guidebooks for mothers." She glanced up at me, her smile turning wry. "I guess I'm not exactly the first female to ever get pregnant."
I returned her smile, glad her mood was lightening up. "Or the first girl to get freaked out about it."
Before she could protest, I went ahead and bought several ebooks for her, then happily handed her my phone to read them on. Anything to keep her happy and off Mom's back!
"Just as long as you give it back every now and then so I can talk to my friends back home."
"Right." She started to read one of the ebooks, then hesitated and looked up at me. "Thanks, Sav. For the ebooks and for listening. I didn't realize how hard it was just keeping all of that to myself."
I smiled. "Vent anytime. Just as long as it doesn't include calling my mother names."
She laughed. "Okay. And for the record, you handled yourself way better than I would have if someone were talking about my mama."
It was my turn to make a wry face. "I don't know. For a minute or two there, it felt like a pretty close call. If Tristan hadn't been here..."
She heaved herself up off the couch, then dug her knuckles into the small of her back and stretched. "Yeah, speaking of, when are you two going to work out your issues already?"
I stood up, taking my time throwing away my wad of paper in the trash beneath the kitchen sink before answering. "That's kind of up to him. He and I don't agree on some things right now."
"And what, you can't compromise and meet him halfway?"
I shrugged, not wanting to talk about Tristan's and my problems with his sister. Besides, it wasn't really the kind of issue you could compromise on. "Hey, listen, I'm really tired, so I think I'm going to turn in for the night."
One blond eyebrow arched knowingly, but thankfully she didn't push the issue. "Sounds like a good idea. All this bawling has wiped me out, too."
The bunk room was a small space even for one person to undress in, much less two. So I let Emily get ready for bed in there first while I took a shower.
When I stepped out of the bathroom, I caught myself pausing in the kitchen, looking and listening. Hoping Tristan had felt...something after our talk together this afternoon and decided to come back to me.
But the living room and kitchen were empty, the rest of the trailer silent as well except for Emily's snoring from the bunk room. Even Lucy had worn herself out for once and given up barking.
There were people within reach of me. But even still, I was alone.
And I couldn't stand it.
I slipped on some shoes and snuck outside. Dad was right where I expected to find him, sitting in the front seat of the truck's cab, the windows rolled down to let a cross breeze through while he read some book he'd found who knew where. Tristan wasn't stretched out in the backseat as usual. He must be taking a walk along the creek. Good. I didn't want to have to ask him for a private moment with my dad.
Dad looked up and smiled as I climbed into the passenger side of the front seat.
"You seem rather deep in thought," he murmured, closing his book. "A penny for your thoughts?"
I started to tell him no one said that phrase anymore, then gave up. "I was wondering about you and Mom. About... how you two always fight all the time."
"A difference in personalities, I suppose." He frowned. "You do know our arguments have nothing to do with you and that we both love you?"
I waved off the parental reassurance. "Yeah, I know. It's just..." I took a deep breath as my throat tightened. "How do you know when the disagreements are too much? When it's time to just give up and let go?"
His head rocked back an inch. "Ah. That is a deep question to be thinking about. The answer is not at all simple, because it varies for everyone. For instance, part of being a vampire for many years is that it teaches us how to have a lot of patience. After all, if you cannot die and no longer have a natural lifespan, then your perception of the passage of time is quite different from a human's. So for one of our kind, forever would not be too long to disagree with someone we loved enough."
I looked down at my hands as my fingers twisted together in my lap. "What if the other person doesn't feel that way? What if..." I swallowed hard and tried again. "What if they feel too strongly about the path they're on, and it's a path you can't or don't want to follow them down?"
Dad sighed. "You mean like your mother getting tired of being on the run with me and insisting on our divorce?"
"Yeah. Something like that."
He turned his head to stare through the windshield at the hills that rolled down to the creek in the moonlight. After a moment of silence, he said, "I agreed to divorce your mother because it was what she wanted. She needed to feel safe again, and she felt like I could not give her or you that safety. She wanted you to have a chance to grow up with a normal life for as long as possible. She also wanted freedom and independence. What can you do when the person you love no longer wants to be with you, other than to release them and allow them to live the life they choose, even though that life is not with you?"