My throat tightened hard enough to choke me. I had to clear it before I could reply. "Well, it was probably the right vote anyways. I am a danger to him. If I'd remembered the whole draining through a kiss thing, I never would have dated him in the first place. Besides, you guys weren't the only ones who made me promise to break up with him. So even if y'all had voted differently, the breakup was still inevitable."
Propping an elbow on the edge of the door, Gowin rubbed a hand over his chin. "Yeah, your dad told me what the Clann did to your grandma in the woods. It's a sad part of any war. Innocents always get hurt in the process, no matter how hard everyone tries to protect them. But that doesn't make it any easier on the ones who face that loss." He rested a hand on mine on the seat between us, and our skin was the same temperature. It threw me off balance again. "I'm sorry about your grandmother. I heard she was a great woman."
I stared ahead at the windshield, now covered in drops of pinesap and dead bugs. "Thanks." It came out hoarse. I cleared my throat and had to blink fast a couple of times as my eyes began to sting.
"Your dad was impressed with her magical skills. Apparently she was the only witch to ever come up with a spell that could dampen the bloodlust without hurting or weakening us, even around the Clann."
"It was how my mom and dad could stay together for so long."
I glanced at him. He stared at me, going completely still like my dad did sometimes.
A quiet note of warning sounded somewhere in the back of my mind. "Too bad she didn't write the spell down anywhere or teach me or my mom how to do it."
"She didn't teach your mother, either?"
"No. Nanna said she had to turn to the old ways and they required too much sacrifice to make them safe for anyone else to use. Plus, Mom never wanted to be in the Clann, so she refused to develop her magical abilities. She used to throw plates around without touching them when she was mad, but that's about it. And I don't think she can even do that anymore."
He grinned. "She threw plates at your father with her mind?"
"So they say."
"Ah. So that's why she's not around now."
My mouth twitched with the quick urge to smile. "No, that's not it at all. We just didn't want to risk feeling the bloodlust around her now that Nanna's protective magic has died with her. It's safer for Mom to stay away."
Finally Gowin opened his door. We both got out and slowly headed up the lawn toward the house.
"I imagine losing your grandma, mother and true love all at once must be a terrible burden for you."
I stared straight ahead. "Or maybe it's just karma for breaking the rules."
"I don't believe in karma," he said as he stepped up onto the porch. "Only the destinies we create for ourselves. And I definitely do not believe that you deserve to have to endure so much pain at so young an age."
If he was trying to be sympathetic, he needed to stop, because his words were like physical slaps to my body. Every word left its own bruise.
"Karma, accident, whatever it was, you can tell the council that it's all been a lesson very well learned here."
He shot me one last look I couldn't decode, then we entered the house.
* * *
It turned out that the actual feeding itself wasn't too bad. Dad mixed the donor blood Gowin had brought with a bottle of V8 juice, which I chugged down so I wouldn't be able to detect the taste of the blood.
Then there was this flash before my eyes, and I stumbled. What the heck?
"Dad, I'm...seeing things," I muttered.
"Michael, you didn't warn her about the blood memories?" Gowin made a tsking sound.
"I did not expect her to guzzle down the drink so quickly. I thought I would explain as she fed slowly in a more mannerly fashion."
"Forget the lesson on manners. Someone tell me what's going on!" It was like someone had stuck some kind of movie headset over my eyes with wraparound vision...there was a scene playing out everywhere I looked with people I didn't recognize, calling me by somebody else's name, somewhere I'd never been. And yet in the background I could still hear Dad and Gowin's voices.
"The blood contains traces of its owner's memories," Dad said as someone took my elbow and guided me somewhere. "I am leading you to your room now. Take a step. And another. And another."
We made it up the stairs and to my room, where I fell onto my bed. Dad draped a comforter over me.
"How long will it last?" I said, even as the scene changed before my eyes to a birthday party and the sounds grew louder.
"A few hours. I am sorry I did not have time to explain more fully. Rest now, and try not to fight against the blood memories. They will pass in time."
"I have Charmers practice in the morning," I mumbled. "Seven o'clock."
There was a beeping noise to my left. "Your alarm is set. The blood memories should be gone by then. However, I will also check on you and make sure you wake in time just in case."
In case what? I never regained control over my own mind?
That was the last thought of my own that I had. And then I was lost to the real world, drowning in someone else's life.
CHAPTER 15
When I woke up the next morning, Dad said Gowin had stayed overnight to be sure I reacted well to the donor blood. He'd left early this morning, but he would be back; Gowin had rented an apartment in Tyler so he could visit anytime the council felt it was a good idea.
A council member was moving to East Texas. The Clann would be so thrilled.
I had a hunch exactly who they would blame when they found out, too.
I didn't bother to mention how much I did not enjoy the blood memories. I was pretty sure the look on my face said enough. Dad promised I should need to feed only once a week, which I would be allowed to do on weekends so I could recover from the blood memories by the start of each week.
Being forced to relive a confused jumble of moments from someone else's life was terrible. While it lasted, I was completely out of control of my own mind. But at least the donor blood meant I didn't have to go around biting people. Or deal with the bloodlust while at the Charmers boot camp, which lasted from seven till eleven every day for the last week of summer. The team used this week to bond with the Indies, or sophomores, who were just joining the team. The Braves, or juniors, seemed to enjoy no longer being the newbies on the team. But the Chiefs, or seniors, and the new captain and her lieutenant officers, definitely were having the most fun. They spent the week endlessly whipping the newbies into shape with laps around the track and push-ups and sit-ups, mixed in with actual dance practice as everyone learned the first new routines to be performed at the upcoming fall pep rallies and football games.