Or what, his oh-so-important council might be even more unhappy with him? What was with him and this stupid council? Couldn't he care about his own daughter's needs for a change?
And yet...he was practically begging me. And despite it all...the fact that he hadn't bothered to come to a single game of mine last year, despite every Father's Day event he'd missed when I was a kid and how little I saw him every year...despite how much I loved to dance and the chance it gave me to finally fit in at school, I was tempted. Out of sheer habit from years of trying to make him happy, I was tempted to give up on my dreams, to throw away everything I wanted, just because he wanted me to. He was my father, vampire or not, and I loved him. Even though it made no sense to. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to finally make him proud of me. All I had to do was give up the only thing I'd ever been good at. The only thing I'd ever wanted to do.
But if I stopped dancing, what would I be? What would I have? It was my one chance to fit in somewhere. He had no idea what my life at school was really like, or how becoming a Charmer could change it. He didn't understand what he was asking me to turn away from.
No. I couldn't do it. Not even for him.
"Dancing is all I have, Dad. I'm sorry if that doesn't matter to you or your council. But Mom and Nanna know the risks, and they were still okay with my dancing this year. So as long as they stay okay with it...I'm going to keep dancing."
His face hardened, making him look like a cold statue in the rain. "I am very sorry to hear that."
And there it was, all that I had worked so hard for years to end. His disappointment in me.
Almost too tired to reply, I turned to go inside. "I'm sorry, too." Sorry I couldn't be the kind of daughter he wanted me to be. Sorry I'd cost him so much. Maybe he and Mom shouldn't have decided to have me, after all.
I opened the theater door, but something made me stop and look back at him over my shoulder. Finally I could see a hint of emotion in his eyes. But it was nothing I wanted to see. He looked...worried. And that made my chest ache even worse.
"You don't have to worry, Dad. I promise I'll work hard to blend in. I won't expose your world."
"I believe you will try. Let us hope the council has equal faith that you will succeed." Then he turned and walked away.
My ballet shoes were ruined. I stared at them in the backseat of Nanna's car on the way home.
Dad's words kept echoing inside my head. With every echo, I heard his stinging emphasis on the word try. He knew I would try to blend in...but he obviously didn't think I could succeed.
I gritted my teeth and took out my anger on my soaked shoes, my hands crushing them around their middles.
Why should I care what Dad thought? I hardly saw him; we were practically strangers to each other. It was just like with Tristan, this stupid need to care about someone who barely even knew I existed. Both of them had hurt me countless times. Why couldn't I just cut them out of my mind and heart so they couldn't hurt me anymore? Was I some sort of masochist who needed to make myself miserable?
"Hon, what exactly did your father say?" Mom asked from the front passenger seat, her voice gentle even as her words poked at me. I wanted to forget everything he'd said.
"Well, according to him I have a new problem. I used to be terrible at everything. Now he says I'm too good. He wants me to stop dancing, and says if I keep dancing I'll end up exposing the entire vampire world. Or something stupid like that."
Mom's face creased with worry under the flickering light of the streetlamps we passed. She turned to look at Nanna behind the wheel.
"Savannah, maybe..." Nanna began as she guided the car around a corner.
"Yes, maybe you should listen to your father this time," Mom finished.
I stared at Mom. "You've got to be kidding."
"Well, how often has he asked you to do anything?" Mom said.
"Because he knows he has no right to!" The words exploded out of me. But I wouldn't take them back, because it was the truth. Just because my father had helped create me didn't make him a real dad. He had never been there for me when I needed him. What gave him the right to tell me what to do now? And not even for my own good. He was only worried his precious council would get mad at him.
"He's just worried about you," Mom insisted.
"Oh, come on! You know that's a load of bull. He's just trying to make his council happy. Bunch of paranoid dictators. Did you think that my dancing was too good tonight? That people would look at my dancing and know I was a freak?"
"Stop using that word!" Mom snapped.
I was too mad and desperate to care. I just stared at her and waited for her to answer me.
She sighed. "No, I don't think your dancing is a problem. At least, not yet."
"And that's with me trying to impress everyone," I added. "I know I can learn to blend in with a little practice. Until tonight, I didn't even know I needed to worry about that."
"Hon, you really don't want to upset the vampire council. They aren't the nicest of vampires." Mom's hands twisted together in her lap.
I rolled my eyes. "But they don't rule the world, do they? I mean, who are they to say whether I can dance or not? If you two say it's all right, shouldn't that be what matters? You could watch me practice at home and tell me when to...to tone it down, or whatever."
Mom looked at Nanna.
Nanna gave a sharp nod. "Savannah's right. They shouldn't get to tell us what to do."
"Mother..." Mom whispered, her eyes widening. My heart beat sped up with hope.
"It'll be all right, Joan." Nanna's eyes narrowed as she stared at the road. Her gnarled hands gripped the steering wheel harder. "Remember who we are, the strong line of women you've both descended from. If Savannah wants to dance, I say she ought to do just that. We've gotta give her a chance to learn how to control herself through all these changes. And have faith in her that she can. Michael's people can just butt out of things and mind their own darn business."
Smiling through fresh tears of a different kind now, I took one last risk. "So, if I wanted to try out for the high-school dance team in three weeks...?"
I stared at them and waited, my heart hammering at the base of my throat.
Mom sighed. "Then I guess you'd better bring me the permission form to sign. And start practicing in the backyard for your Nanna and me."