Sometimes, though, she would accompany him in the cockpit of a small, two-seater plane, and it would be just the two of them, flying locally, together. For their last anniversary, he took her up at night, during the summer, in a full moon. As the two of them glided through the night, it had felt as if they’d had the whole world to themselves. She loved it. It made her feel a sense of nostalgia, of belonging, though she didn’t know why.
Caitlin was fine with the fact that Caleb traveled a lot, that he was busy. She liked having her space, and she was busy, too. After all, she had built an incredible career for herself. Her dysfunctional upbringing had forced her to use her studies as a way of escape. The worse the neighborhood her mom dragged her to, the more she applied herself, the harder she studied.
Through sheer force of will she got straight A’s, and managed to get herself a scholarship to Columbia University. Ironically, the school was only 15 blocks away from the bad neighborhood she was raised in—and yet, it was a universe apart.
In Columbia, Caitlin applied herself even more, and after four years graduated with near-perfect grades, getting herself a scholarship to graduate school. She pushed herself harder still, and at 26
graduated with a dual Ph.D. in History and Antiquities. Caleb always joked with her, would ask with a smile: How many Ph.D.’s do you want? He was so proud of her; she could see it in his eyes.
What she should do with all of her knowledge was a question she’d asked herself many times, too. She still didn’t know what she wanted to do, even after all the school, even after all the degrees.
She knew that, for some reason, she was interested in history, antiquities, archaeology—and most of all, rare objects and books. With all her scholarship, she could have had a job anywhere she wanted.
But instead, she chose to pursue her one great passion: rare books.
Caitlin didn’t know why she felt so drawn to rare books; it didn’t make sense to her. For as long as she could remember, it was always what she loved. She still felt a thrill every time she picked up some ancient, dusty book, tried to decode it, to figure out where it was from, how old it was, who wrote it. What language it was in, how rare it was. She’d held books that were worth tens of millions of dollars, one-of-a-kind, ancient books that had been seen and held by few people throughout history. She’d held original, first edition Shakespeare volumes, ancient Greek scrolls. She felt a connection to history as she did, and it made her feel alive.
She also couldn’t help feeling, every time she picked up a book, that it held a riddle, some mystery to be solved—and that thrilled her. For some reason, she had always felt that there was a mystery lingering in her consciousness, something she needed to solve. She didn’t know what. It didn’t make sense, and that bothered her. When she worked on a rare book, at least she could solve clues she couldn’t put her fingers on in real life.
Of all places, Caitlin had chosen to work here, at the local university. They had a vast library, an endless collection of rare books that had to be classified. They told her frequently how lucky they were to have her, and it was true: with a mind like hers, Caitlin could have worked anywhere in the world. But she was happy to be here, though, locally, in this quiet town, to be able to raise Scarlet in a safe place, to give her the safe childhood that she’d never had.
Looking back, having Scarlet had been the best decision of Caitlin’s life. She was the joy of her life—and of Caleb’s, too. Caitlin believed that even without a child, they would have married anyway. They had tried throughout the years to have more kids, but for some reason, they’d never been able to. So it ended up being just she and Caleb and Scarlet, just the three of them in this big house. Sometimes she wished they’d had more kids to fill the house. But she was grateful and happy for what she had.
They had both wanted to get far from New York City, wanted a wholesome life for Scarlet, so they’d headed two hours north and settled in a small, idyllic town in the Hudson Valley, a place where they could live in peace and tranquility. Caitlin had been thrilled when Sam followed them, and eventually, when Polly did, too. Life was finally coming together for her. She felt so blessed to be able to live tranquilly in a small town, her family close by, with an adoring husband, a best friend, an amazing brother, and a child she loved more than anything.
Sometimes, when she reflected on her childhood, she felt pangs of anxiety and upset. Looking back, she wondered about her Dad, who he was, why he had abandoned them all, why her mom had always been so mean to her. Why she couldn’t have had a more normal upbringing, a less dysfunctional family.
But whenever these thoughts overcame her, Caitlin forced herself to just push it all to the back of her mind, to focus on what she had, on all the good in her life. She didn’t want to linger in sorrow and guilt and upset. After all, it didn’t do any good. She could just as easily choose to focus on all the blessings she had, all she had to be grateful for.
Growing up, everything had seemed so important. Her friends, her boyfriends, her parents, her school…. It had felt like everything was permanent, would last forever. She’d been unable to envision a life beyond that. But now, looking back, at 33, she realized how insignificant all of that stuff was. It all felt so distant, so far away. In retrospect, none of it even mattered anymore.
“Caitlin?” came a voice.
Caitlin blinked, snapping out of it. She looked over to see everyone staring at her.
“Hello, Earth to Caitlin?” Polly said, and they all broke into laughter.
Caitlin blushed. She must have zoned out again.
“Sorry,” she said.
Caleb came over and kissed her forehead.
“You okay, baby?” he asked. “You’ve been spacing out a lot lately.” Before Caitlin could reply, Polly yelled:
“I see her! Scarlet! She’s outside. Hurry!”
As everyone rushed to the front door, she quickly lit the 16 candles on the cake, then hurried to the parlor to join them.
Caitlin positioned herself so that Scarlet wouldn’t see the cake, standing right in front of the door, her heart racing. As she waited, she heard footsteps on the old porch, and was surprised to hear two sets of steps. She’d assumed Scarlet would be coming home alone, and didn’t know who could be with her. Ruth whined like crazy.
Scarlet opened the door, and as she did, they all yelled: “SURPRISE!” Scarlet stared back, wide-eyed, looking completely shocked. Caitlin felt victorious that she’d actually managed to surprise her—Scarlet, of all people—the smartest person she’d ever known, and the hardest person to surprise with anything. Scarlet was also the most beautiful. As she stood there, with her perfectly-chiseled pale face, her large, crystal-blue eyes, her flowing, red hair, she was breathtaking. In some ways, she reminded Caitlin of Caleb.