Caitlin felt a pain rip through her stomach. She was beyond disappointed. She felt like it was all her fault. She thought back to the last time they saw each other, in New York, to their fight. Her harsh words. “Just go!” she had yelled. Why had she had to have been so harsh? Why couldn’t she have had a chance to take it back?
Now it was too late. If she had chosen different words, maybe things would be different right now.
She also felt a wave of anger. Anger at the Colemans, anger at all the boys in this barn who sat around on those beat-up couches and chairs, on piles of hay, all sitting around, drinking, smoking, doing nothing with their lives. They were free to do nothing with their lives. But they weren’t free to drag Sam into it. He was better than them. He’d just never had any guidance. Never had any father figure, any kindness from their mom. He was a great kid, and she knew that he could be the top of his class right now if only he’d had even a semi-stable home. But at some point, it was too late. He’d just stopped caring.
She took several steps closer to him. “Sam?” she asked.
He just stared back, not saying a word.
It was hard to see what was in that stare. Was it the drugs? Was he pretending not to care? Or did he really not care?
His look of apathy hurt her more than anything. She had anticipated his being so happy to see her, his getting up and giving her a hug. Not this. He didn’t seem to even care. As if she were a stranger. Was he just acting cool in front of his friends? Or had she really screwed things up for good this time?
Several seconds passed, and finally, he looked away, handing the bong off to one of his friends. He kept looking at his other friends, ignoring her.
“Sam!” she said, much louder, her face flushing with anger. “I’m talking to you!”
She heard the snickers of his loser friends, and she felt the anger rising up in waves in her body. She was beginning to feel something else. An animal instinct. The anger in her was welling to a point where it was almost beyond control, and she feared that it would soon cross the line. It was no longer human. It was becoming animal.
These boys were big, but the power rising in her veins told her that she could handle any of them in an instant. She was having a hard time containing her anger, and she hoped she would be strong enough to do so.
At the same time, the Rottweiler ratcheted up his growling, as he started slowly walking towards her. It was as if he sensed something coming.
She felt a gentle hand on her should. Caleb. He was still there. He must’ve sensed her anger rising, the animal instinct between them. He was trying to calm her, to tell her to control herself, not to let herself go. His presence reassured her. But it wasn’t easy.
Sam finally turned and looked at her. There was defiance in his look. He was still mad. That was obvious.
“What do you want?” he snapped.
“Why aren’t you in school?” was the first thing she heard herself say. She wasn’t exactly sure why she said that, especially with all the other things she wanted to ask him. But the motherly instinct in her kicked in. And that was what came out.
More snickers. Her anger rose.
“What do you care?” he said. “You told me to go.”
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean it.”
She was glad she had a chance to say it.
But it didn’t seem to sway him. He just stared.
“Sam, I need to talk to you. In private,” she said.
She wanted to get him out of that environment, into the fresh air, alone, where they could really talk. She not only wanted to know about their Dad; she also just wanted to talk to him, like they used to. And to break the news about their Mom. Gently.
But it wasn’t going to happen. She could see that now. Things were spiraling downward. She felt that the energy in this crowded barn was just too dark. Too violent. She could feel herself losing control. Despite Caleb’s hand, she just couldn’t stop whatever was overcoming her.
“I’m all set here,” Sam said.
She could hear more snickering among his friends.
“Why don’t you relax?” one of the guys said to her. “You’re so high strung. Come sit. Take a hit.”
He held the bong out to her.
She turned and stared at him.
“Why don’t you shove that bong up your ass?” she heard herself say, through gritted teeth.
A chorus of heckling came from the group of boys. “Oh, SNAP!” one of them yelled.
The boy who’d offered her the hit, a big, muscular guy who she knew had been kicked off the football team, turned bright red.
“What’d you say to me, bitch?” he said, standing.
She looked up. He was much taller than she remembered, at least 6’ 6”. She could feel Caleb’s grip on her shoulder tighten. She didn’t know whether it was because he was urging her to keep calm, or because he was tensing up himself.
The tension in the room rose dramatically.
The Rottweiler crept closer. He was now only feet away. And growling like crazy.
“Jimbo, relax,” Sam said to the big kid.
There was protective Sam. No matter what, protective of her. “She’s a pain in the ass, but she didn’t mean it. She’s still my sister. Just chill.”
“I did mean it,” Caitlin yelled, angrier than ever. “You guys think you’re so cool? Getting my little brother high? You’re all a bunch of losers. You’re going nowhere. You want to mess your own lives, go ahead, but don’t drag Sam into it!”
Jimbo look even angrier, if possible. He took a few threatening steps towards her.
“Well look who it is. Miss teacher. Miss mommy. Here to tell us all what to do!”
A chorus of laughter.
“Why don’t you and your faggot boyfriend here come make me!”
Jimbo stepped closer and reached up with his big paw of a hand, and pushed Caitlin on the shoulder.
Big mistake.
The anger exploded inside of Caitlin, beyond anything she could control. The second that Jimbo’s finger touched her, she reached up with lightning speed, took his wrist, and twisted it back. There was a loud crack as his wrist broke.
She raised his wrist high behind his back, and shoved him, face first, into the ground.
In less than a second, he was on the ground, on his face, helpless. She stepped up and put her foot on the back of his neck, holding it firmly on the floor.