I have my freedom, but I don’t have much time. Faith has been broken, tears must be cried. Let’s do some living, after we die. Wild horses couldn’t drag me away. Wild, wild horses couldn’t drag me away.
“There has to be something that we can do,” I said, trying to still my trembling chin.
A look of sheer agony crossed Bo’s face as he laid the glass heart back on the desk and crossed the room to me. Slowly, gently, he pulled me into his arms. He was giving me the chance to pull away, to turn away, and my heart wrenched all the more at his tenderness.
“This is why I should’ve stayed away from you,” he whispered against my hair.
“Don’t even say that. I wouldn’t have traded this time—however much we have—for anything,” I said, leaning back to meet his eyes. “Not for anything.”
Bo’s eyes searched my face for a few seconds before he lowered his lips to mine. He kissed me with such sweetness, such hopeless softness, that my throat constricted even further. When a light saltiness reached my tongue, I knew that my tears had finally overwhelmed my eyes and spilled down my cheeks, mingling with our kiss.
Bo dragged his lips away and leaned his forehead against mine, his eyes still closed.
“I wish I could just walk away from you. Just walk away and leave you alone, to live your life,” he breathed.
“You can’t save me from pain, Bo,” I cried.
“I can when I’m the one who brought pain into your life.”
“You think you’re the only pain I’ve known? I know all about pain and loss,” I said, pulling back once more to look into his eyes. “My sister died in a car accident three years ago and I was with her. I survived when I shouldn’t have and everyone in my life wishes it had been the other way around. I might as well have lost my entire family in that accident, so I know all about loss.” I reached up and touched his face, which was burning hot. “But even after that, after surviving all that, I don’t think I could survive losing you, Bo. Not you. Not you,” I sighed, leaning my head against his chest.
I felt his arms come around me again, hugging me close to his feverish body.
“You’re burning up,” I murmured. “Is that part of it?”
“Sort of. My temperature will run hot while I metabolize the blood I just drank. When my body starts to cool, I know I need to feed soon.”
That explained a lot about his widely varied body temperature. Until recently, I must’ve always seen him when he was nearing a feeding.
“So I guess you feed before school and it wears off throughout the day?”
“Yeah. A couple of times I’ve had to run home in the middle of the day. It just depends on what’s going on.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, if I exert a lot or get overly excited, I burn more energy.”
Bo was rubbing his hand slowly up and down my arm and, even in these terrible circumstances, I felt a tiny flame of desire flicker to life deep in my belly.
“So when you say excited, what kinds of things do you mean?”
I heard Bo’s breath hitch in his chest. When he finally let it out, it hissed through his pursed lips.
“Let’s not talk about that right now. You’re liable to get a first hand look at what happens.”
Bo pushed me back to arm’s length and took a step away from me. When I looked into his eyes, I knew why. He was feeling the same kindling of passion that I was and he was struggling to resist it.
We were saved from further temptation when my father called my name from the living room.
I yelled in answer, mainly to keep him from coming in search of me.
“Coming!” When Bo cringed, I cast him a sheepish look. “Sorry.”
He grinned and my heart skipped a couple of beats.
“No problem. I should’ve known, being a cheerleader, that you’d have some serious lungs on you,” he teased. “I guess that’s my cue to leave, huh?”
Before I could answer, he turned and walked back to the window.
“Will I see you tomorrow?” I was anxious, almost fearful, to let him out of my sight, afraid that I wouldn’t see him again.
Bo stopped at the window, still facing away from me. “Are you sure this is what you want?”
Every fiber of my being cried out in answer, even before I could get the word off my lips. “Yes.”
Bo looked back at me and smiled, a breathtaking lift of his lips that said he was pleased with my answer. I couldn’t help but smile in return. “Then yes, you’ll see me tomorrow. I’ll call you, ok?”
“Ok,” I said, walking to the window.
“Ridley!” Dad shouted again.
I turned my head toward the door this time, so that I wouldn’t blast Bo.
“Coming!”
When I turned back to the window, Bo was gone.
CHAPTER SEVEN
The next morning, I woke with the most confused feelings I’d ever had. I was elated that Bo and I had talked. It seemed he was feeling the same thing for me that I was for him, whatever that “thing” was. But on the other hand, I was beyond distraught that he was dying and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. I ended up doing neither. Instead, I got up and showered to get ready for church.
Just over an hour later, as I walked down the aisle, I realized that it was the first time since Izzy’s death that I’d actually wanted to be there. I finally felt like I needed God, like I wanted Him in my life. I’d purposely avoided Him since the accident three years ago. I hadn’t wanted to have anything to do with God in a long, long time.
I guess it was both sad and disgusting that I would wait until I needed something to go to Him, but at least I was going. I’d been to church enough to know that going was the main thing. Most people put it off, but when they finally make up their mind to go, most of them do it when they’re at the end of their rope. Unfortunately, that’s the nature of humanity.
All through the service, I prayed intermittently, listening with half an ear to the sermon about redemption and eternal life. At the end, when the pastor performed his standard altar call, I shuffled down the pew and walked quickly up the aisle to kneel at the base of the pulpit.