Astley meets his eyes. “Are we ever sure of anything?”
I don’t know if he’s just talking about Hel or about whether or not he loves me anymore. Maybe he’s like Nick. Maybe he can’t love me if I change from fae back to human. Maybe everybody’s like that. I don’t know. All I know is that the inside of me hurts and that I have to ignore those feelings and just push on.
I’ve never been cross-country skiing before, but Nick and Issie are pros and have obviously mastered the fine art of simultaneously moving their arms and legs when they were toddlers or something. After a couple minutes, I get a handle on the whole thing and manage to adjust to the fact that my heel is free in the boot, which is totally unlike downhill skiing.
Astley uses a forward gliding motion with his skis, heading straight ahead, and Nick uses a V shape, which makes it almost seem like he’s Rollerblading or ice-skating. It figures that they even ski differently. I try both ways and am equally bad at each, which also figures.
The sky here is such a brilliant blue, a crisp, amazing contrast to the snowy terrain and the glacial look of everything. Our bright parkas make us obvious dots on the landscape, and even though I know how fierce Amelie, Nick, and Astley can be, I still feel nervous. A good sniper hiding on the mountain face could pick us off, one by one. We don’t talk much the entire time and occasionally take breaks for water and granola bars. My body aches and I’m not sure if it’s from the cardio workout or just because I’m human again. I don’t complain, though, because I’m not taking the chance that everyone will try to force me back. I’m not going back, even though it’s so cold that Issie’s lips are tinting kind of blue and I bet my lips look the same.
When we get to the base of the volcano, a sort of panicky feeling hits both Issie and me at the same time.
We stop and simultaneously say, “We should go back.”
Our mouths drop open in shock.
Amelie cocks her head. “What?”
“I have a bad feeling.” I try to explain while scanning the landscape, which is pretty barren and dead looking. “I mean, that’s normal probably when you’re standing at the bottom of an active volcano, but it’s something different, something uh …”
“It’s like how you feel right before a test for a class you’ve blown off all trimester,” Issie explains. Her teeth chatter when she talks, so we have to pay really close attention.
“Or like a hand pushing on your chest, holding you back,” I add.
Steam rises from the volcano. There are no birds in sight.
Nick cocks his head, looking around. “I’m not turning wolf. I’d turn if you were in danger.”
“You didn’t turn before the ambush,” Astley says.
Nobody has an answer for that.
“Well, it’s not perfect,” Nick finally admits.
The feeling just increases.
“Maybe we should go. Maybe we should listen to their guts,” Nick says.
Amelie shakes her head. “No. It’s only affecting the humans, and humans are the least perceptive and the most easily influenced.”
“What are you saying?” I bristle. I mean, I know what she’s saying, but she could say it a little more nicely.
“I’ve heard that some very powerful fae—or gods, or whatever you’d like to call them—can bespell a place so humans do not come too near.” She whips off her hat and cocks her head, listening, before she continues. I wonder what she hears, and miss my own pixie super-hearing. “They make you want to leave, make it feel dangerous, so humans don’t accidentally walk into their homes or interrupt ceremonies or such.”
“Can pixies do this?” Nick asks. He leans forward on his ski poles, using them to bear his weight.
“No,” Astley answers while surveying the area. “It is a good clue though. It means that the entrance to Hel might truly be here. I have learned recently to doubt everything.”
Even without my pixie powers of perception, I know that he’s thinking about all the times his mother has tricked us, the people we’ve lost because we’d been so sure we were on the right path.
Astley focuses in on Issie. “Which way do you not want to go?”
She bites at the corner of her lip, thinking, and then points to the left. “There.”
“You, Zara?” Astley’s eyes meet mine.
“The same.”
“Then that is where we should go,” Nick announces, finishing Astley’s reasoning. “We’ll go where your gut tells us not to.”
Issie gives me pleading eyes as Nick and Amelie rush forward and I try to stop them. “I’m not sure this is—”
But they’ve already moved ahead. Dread fills me as Issie grabs my arm. Her pole dangles from her wrist and bumps against my shin.
“I don’t feel good about this,” she says. Her voice is urgent and her eyes wide. Snow blows across our skis.
“It’s either follow them or stay here,” I say, trying to be rational despite the gnawing in my stomach. I try to have that same force of will, that same leadership gusto crap that I had when I was a pixie. “We can do this, Is.”
She nods and we set off after the other three, putting our skis in the path they’ve created in the snow. The volcano steams. The air smells hot and cold all at once. The landscape wavers, full of snow and steam and fear. I keep checking to make sure Issie is right behind me.
The others have stopped and we stop too. The cold makes breathing hard, like icicles are puncturing my lungs with every breath, but I try to look calm despite my racing heart.
Issie’s voice shrieks out behind me. “We really should go!”
Amelie lunges for her as Issie starts to turn around. She gets a hand on Issie’s arm, a tight grip keeps her from running.
“We must be really close now,” she says, her dreadlocks swinging. “The panic is worse.”
“I am not panicking!” Issie announces in a completely panicked voice.
Astley starts mumbling some words in a language I don’t know, but I think it’s Norse again, Old Norse. Amelie keeps her eye on me like I might try to bolt too and says, “He has an incantation for removing glamours. We aren’t sure it will work because this seems so strong.”
“He never told me he could do that,” I say.
“I bet he hasn’t told you a lot of things,” Nick says, and I can tell he’s thinking about all the flack I gave him because he kept his parents’ death a secret from me.