When I first got to Bedford I was so full of fear that I had become nothing. I hardly felt anymore because feeling hurt too much. And now? Now I think of a quote my stepdad used to say. It was by Anandamayi Ma: “Be anchored in fearlessness. What is worldly life but fear!”
I have no idea who Anandamayi Ma is. I should probably look her up, but not now, because right now I am so happy that I am not the only one who remains, that I am the one who risked everything so the world didn’t end, that I get to hang out on the grass and feel the sun and let Astley rest his head against my hip as he sprawls out and stares up at the sky. Most of Frank’s pixies are ours now, assimilated into the fold, contrite and upset about what they had become, and working toward redemption.
Winter is over. My friends and I own lives where we can all exist without constant fear. It’s a life where I can be proud of being half pixie, proud of who I am, who we all have become.