I wished my mother was here. I didn't often need her. I'd always wanted to be independent, so it was difficult now to admit that I yearned to have her arms around me. I'd felt relief when she'd left for Europe because I'd known she wouldn't be around to interfere. I hadn't thought I'd be able to put up with her hovering and worrying. I loved Mom, but she was a hoverer. Always trying to protect me. I'd become somewhat rebellious just to break free of her emotional restraints. I knew she meant well, but sometimes I felt as though she were smothering me.
As for my father, he'd always been a no-show in my life. Apparently he'd seen my mother through her transformation, hung around long enough to knock her up, then taken a hike to parts unknown. She had managed quite well without a man in her life—which was the reason that I'd been convinced that I hadn't needed a guy for my transformation.
I walked toward the massive mansion that was pretty much all that remained of what we'd once had here. Oh, there were a few buildings around that held supplies and various survival items, but when our kind visited Wolford, they stayed in this mammoth Gothic-like structure where families had once enjoyed a communal-like existence. It had been refurbished to include all the modern conveniences. Our elders lived here throughout the year.
Hidden away in the national forest, it provided us with a sanctuary. The Dark Guardians worked as forest guides—otherwise known as sherpas—and kept people away from the secret areas of the forest that we considered off-limits to outsiders. Although really, we considered the entire forest as ours, even though the government had claimed part of it.
Out of the corner of my eye, I caught movement and dropped into a defensive crouch, my actions honed by hours of survival training. To my surprise, I saw Connor heading toward a thick copse of trees in the distance. Although his back was to me, I recognized his loose-hipped stride. He walked as though he was never in a hurry to get anywhere. The moonlight reflected off his sandy blond hair and outlined his well-toned body. He was tall and slender, but I knew he possessed the strength of all Shifters. We not only hid our ability to shift, but the power that came with it. Looking at us, few people realized how strong and capable we were.
As Connor disappeared between the trees, I wondered why he was alone. Where was Lindsey? Usually a couple became totally inseparable after they shared a shifting. Could there possibly be trouble in paradise?
I wasn't exactly sure how I felt about that. As much as I'd wanted Connor to notice me, to claim me, and go through the transformation with me, I didn't want Lindsey to treat him badly. Neither did I want him to hurt Lindsey. She was a friend. I selfishly wanted Connor and unselfishly wished them the best. My confused and contradictory feelings left me unsettled. As a rule, I usually knew what I wanted.
I glanced around quickly. No one else was in sight. I should let Connor go, but I'd never felt so alone or devastated in my life. I needed to connect with someone. Why not him? Just for a few minutes. It wasn't like I was going to ask him to cheat on Lindsey. I had standards. I didn't steal another girl's guy—but that didn't mean I couldn't talk to him and get my Connor-fix.
After hiking since the full moon, I was gritty and dirty. Normally I would have taken the time to clean up because I never wanted Connor to see me at my worst, but I didn't want to miss this opportunity to talk with him alone. Maybe because even though he didn't feel a connection to me, I felt one to him. I was pathetic to be crushing on a guy, knowing he cared for someone else, but at that moment, I couldn't quench my desire to hear his voice.
I tossed my backpack toward the side of the house and raced in the direction I'd last seen Connor. The dew-covered grass left a clear trail, but once I hit the woods, he wasn't as easy to follow. The grass wasn't thick around the trees and the moonlight filtered in sparingly between the leaves. If I'd shifted, I'd have been able to capture his scent and follow it. All senses heightened after the first transformation. Shifters acquired keen night vision and enhanced smell, hearing, and taste. Even their skin became more sensitive.
All I had to go on was my gut instinct, so I simply kept moving forward and hoped he'd done the same. He might not be my mate, but we were friends. And right now, I needed a friend. Desperately.
The woods were never totally quiet at night and I drew comfort from the familiar sounds. The insects chirped. An owl hooted. I heard some tiny creature, probably a rodent, stirring up the dried leaves that coated the ground. But I couldn't hear any footsteps other than mine. I wondered if Connor had shifted, if he'd taken off. But I didn't see his clothes lying around.
The trees finally gave way to a brook where the shallow water splashed over rocks, creating nature's lullaby. Standing at the bank's edge, as still as a statue, was Connor.
My heart gave a little lurch, the way it always did when I first got near him. Sometimes when we were packing up supplies, getting ready to guide campers out into the wilderness, our shoulders would brush and it was like an arrow zinging through me, from shoulder to toes. Insane, I know, to be so affected by his nearness. It hurt that we'd never be more than friends, that he would for ever belong to someone else.
If I was smart, I'd turn around, head back to the mansion, and get on with my life. Obviously I didn't possess an ounce of intelligence because I strode forward until I was standing beside him. He didn't look at me. He just kept staring at the water.
I had so much that I wanted to tell him, so much that I couldn't explain, things I didn't want him to know. Still, a calmness settled over me as I studied the outline of his familiar profile in the moonlight. His features contained a ruggedness that I associated with warriors. The strength in his jaw line was almost obscured by his shaggy blond hair that hung down to his collar. I wanted to run my hands through it. I desperately wanted to loosen my braid and have him comb his fingers through the heavy strands of my own hair. I wanted to press my face into the curve of his shoulder and have his strong arms come around me. I wanted so much that I couldn't have. I didn't know if I'd be strong enough to settle for friendship now that I knew he was totally and completely beyond my reach.
"Guess you heard," he finally muttered, and I heard the hardness in his voice.
Connor was seldom quick to anger, but I'd seen his fury when we discovered that human scientists working for Bio-Chrome had found out about our existence and were determined to use us for their own gain. Connor believed we'd somehow come out victorious, that life could miraculously return to normal. Or what was normal for us.