Oh, I wanted to, desperately. But I knew he wasn't talking about jogging through the forest. He was talking about shifting and running so fast that the trees would become a blur.
"Facing the full moon alone took a lot out of me," I said. That much at least was true. "I'm going to pass."
"Another time then." He looked back at me. "I remember when I faced my first transformation. I couldn't wait, but I also remember the pain. The elders would have found someone else to go through it with you if you didn't like Daniel."
"They drew his name out of a hat." I didn't bother to hide my disgust.
"It wasn't like that. They used a bowl."
I pounded my fist into his shoulder.
"Ouch'" He rubbed his arm, but he was smiling.
"It was insulting—to me and Daniel." He wasn't a bad guy, but he wasn't the right one either. We'd spent a few days together, but we'd both known it was a lost cause. "I didn't want a pity mate."
"You've got the wrong attitude about it. It's not like you had to marry the guy. He was just supposed to help you get through it. Nothing more."
Except for the whole getting-naked part. We couldn't transform in our clothes. So there was a definite intimacy factor. "It's all moot now. The pressure is off. I can choose a mate anytime."
"It'll never be like the first time you shift."
I shrugged. "As far as I'm concerned, the first time is overrated."
His grin flashed in the night. "Well, don't tell anyone. Don't want to ruin the mystique for the others who haven't yet experienced it." Something shifted in his eyes that I couldn't quite identify. "I'm glad you survived."
"Yeah, me, too." Sorta. And then I remembered what I'd seen near the river. "Hey, listen, has anyone mentioned finding traps in the woods?"
"No. Why?"
"I ran across a snare about a day and a half walk from here, near the river."
He got really still, the way a predator does when it scents its prey. I knew he'd gone into warrior mode, was considering strategy.
"You think it was Bio-Chrome?" he finally asked.
"I don't know. Maybe. It was designed to capture something the size of a wolf."
He released a harsh curse, then gave me a hard stare. "You walked from there? You didn't think you needed to travel in wolf form so you could get here more quickly?"
"I had my backpack with me." I knew it was a lame excuse, which Connor confirmed with his next words.
"You could have left it somewhere, gone back for it later."
It made me angry that he was questioning me—also that he was right. And that I'd had no choice in my mode of transportation. Two legs were all I had access to at the moment, so I searched for another lie. "I'd taken some sentimental items with me to help me face the transformation alone. I didn't want to risk losing them. Besides, it wasn't as though we were in immediate danger, and I needed the time alone."
The tightening of his jaw only confirmed for me that no one would accept me if I couldn't shift. I also realized that lying about it wasn't going to be easy either. I should have come up with a better excuse—one that didn't make me look irresponsible.
"I'll check it out," he said. "In wolf form, I should be able to get there and back by morning. Are you sure you're not up to coming with me?"
How I wished…
"I'm sure. I covered my tracks, but you should be able to follow my scent."
I could tell he wasn't happy with my decision, that he thought I was shirking my responsibilities. By not telling him the truth about me, I was. But my fallacy—whatever had prevented me from shifting during the full moon—was mine to deal with.
"Later then," he said grudgingly.
Turning on his heel, he walked back into the forest, but I didn't follow. I knew he was going to remove his clothes and transform into a wolf. For a species that spent a lot of its time without clothes on, we were a modest group.
Looking back out over the water, regrets prodded me. I knew that I should confess my limitations, but I also knew that if I did, I might be cast out. But even without the ability to shift, I could still make a valuable contribution, could find a way to protect the Shifters—especially if what I suspected was true: The trap was set by Bio-Chrome. They were still coming after us.
Nothing was left for me to do right then except return to the mansion. I couldn't go with Connor into the night. He was free now to love someone else, but I was shackled by my inability to shift.
Hearing the rustling of brush, I glanced to the side. The most beautiful wolf I'd ever seen stood at the water's edge. In wolf form, Connor always took my breath.
His fur, like his hair, was a sandy blond that bordered on light brown. It had various shades, darker along his back, lighter near his paws. I wanted to dig my hands in his fur, hold him close, and confess everything. I wanted him to shift back into human form, put his arms around me, and assure me that everything would be all right.
But I knew none of that would ever happen. If he knew the truth about me, that I hadn't shifted yet, he'd be appalled.
With a last look at me, he splashed across the brook and loped away, awash in moonlight. With longing, I watched until I could no longer see him. Shifters healed when in wolf form, but I wasn't sure that shifting would heal a broken heart—either his or mine.
THREE
As I hurried back to the main house, I realized that I now had something I hadn't had before: a chance with Connor.
And just as quickly reality slapped me hard in the face. That chance was only available if I could figure out what had happened to me, why I hadn't shifted. I mean, really, what guy wanted a Static girlfriend?
When I arrived at the house, I located my backpack, started for the front door, and stopped. It was late. Only a few lights were on, but I wasn't ready to run into anyone else and continue with my cover-up. Besides, I had something I wanted to check.
We were an ancient civilization. Some believed we'd been around since the dawn of time. Others thought we'd come into existence with King Arthur and the magic of Merlin that had surrounded him. The elders never really confirmed our origins. They simply protected the secrets of our history. Those secrets were housed within ancient texts that the passage of time had made so fragile that only the elders were allowed to read and study them.