"Wish you'd told me. I was so confused, but now…I don't know how I could have ever thought he wasn't the one." She shook her head. "Still, I feel bad about Connor. He deserved better."
Yeah, he did. But I wasn't here to give her grief or question her decisions. She and Connor had been friends for most of their lives. I knew it couldn't have been easy for either of them to suddenly find themselves needing to go in separate directions. I'd been giving her a hard time all summer because I didn't think she and Connor were right for each other. But that was over. We had to move forward.
Lindsey glanced around suspiciously now that the thrill of finding me alive had worn off. "Brittany, what are you doing here?"
I met her gaze, the guilt gnawing at me. "Nothing."
She looked down at the thick leather-bound book. "That's the ancient text. What have you done?"
"I just wanted to read about our origins," I said.
"Without permission? That's a sacred book, the only copy we have. Only the elders have the right—"
"To hell with the elders."
She stared at me. "Brittany, we should leave."
"Not until I have answers." Maybe there was an English translation somewhere—on the shelves or in one of the chests.
"Is it about finding your mate?" Lindsey asked.
I released a brittle laugh. And then the impact of her words hit me full force. Gave me hope. "Oh God. Do you think that's what it was? Do you think it's because I didn't have a mate?"
"What are you talking about?"
Damn it. I couldn't stop the tears. They were warm going down my cheeks. I didn't want to, but I had to tell someone. I had to share this horrible disaster. Lindsey and I had been friends for years. She was the closest thing I had to a best friend. "I didn't transform, Lindsey. Nothing happened."
She simply stared at me. No words of comfort, no reassurances. But I respected that she wasn't trying to lie to me.
"Are you sure?" she hesitantly asked, her voice quivering with the unease she couldn't control.
I glared at her. "It's kind of a hard thing to miss."
"I thought maybe you passed out or something. We can retain our shape if we're sleeping, but not if we're unconscious."
"No, pain wasn't the issue."
She looked as though she might be ill. She wasn't the only one whose stomach was roiling. Gingerly I touched the brittle parchment. "I thought maybe there was something I was supposed to do, some ritual to perform, some words I was supposed to say."
Lindsey shook her head. "I don't think so. I mean, I started to feel it, like, almost all day. My skin got really sensitive."
"I didn't feel that. I didn't feel anything at all. What's wrong with me, Lindsey? Why didn't I transform? Is that why no one claimed me? Because all the guys could sense that I'm a freak?"
"You're not a freak," she insisted. "A lot of people can't—"
"They're not us. They're not like us'" I clamped my mouth shut. The fear and the horror of what I was needed its own voice. It didn't even sound like me yelling.
Lindsey looked as calm and cool as always. She couldn't truly understand the frustration and disappointment I was feeling. She had it all: the guy she loved and the ability to shift.
"This is unheard of—someone not shifting. You have to talk to the elders," she said. "They'll know what to do."
She lived in such a dream world. "No, they won't. And I don't want anyone to know. I shouldn't have even told you."
"I won't tell anyone, but, Brittany, someone will figure it out. I mean, shifting—it's what we do. You should at least tell Lucas."
Lucas was our fearless leader, the one in charge of the Dark Guardians and our pack of young wolves. Earlier in the summer, he'd connected with his true mate, Kayla. They were madly in love. That was the way it was supposed to happen with us. We were supposed to be willing to die for the other person. I wanted that level of commitment. I shook my head. "How could this have happened?"
"Maybe they made a mistake on your birth certificate. Maybe your birthday is wrong."
Despite the fact that I'd clung to that hope briefly, hearing Lindsey say it out loud made me realize how ridiculous it was. "Get real. You think my mom doesn't know when my birthday is? She was kinda there, you know?"
"Okay, so that was a desperate search for a reason—but there has to be a reason and someone, one of the elders, will know what it is," she said.
Angrily I wiped away my tears. I didn't want her sympathy. I didn't want her trying to solve my problem. I'd always been independent, taken care of myself. "I'm being such a girly-girl. The next thing you know, I'll be wearing pink."
"Nothing wrong with pink."
"I'll figure it out. Maybe I'm just a late bloomer. Yeah, that's probably it." Closing the book, I gave her a wry grin. Our relationship had been strained for most of the summer—mostly because of how I thought she was being unfair to Connor. But there had been more. Just an underlying sense that she'd been changing in ways I hadn't. I'd sure gotten that right. "I'm sorry I've been so difficult lately. I just haven't felt like myself. And I've felt even less like myself since the full moon."
"That's okay. You were right about me and Connor. My feelings for him weren't as intense as they should have been and it totally wasn't fair to him. He could probably use a good friend right now. Based on how worried you were that he was making a mistake with me, I got the sense that you really like him. I'm not standing in the way now."
"Why would he want someone who can't shift?"
"Two wounded souls?"
I couldn't help myself. I smiled at that. "God, you're so Romeo and Juliet."
"What would it hurt? To just talk with him, I mean?"
I already had, but again I didn't want her to know. "I don't know. Maybe. Promise me, on your sacred vow as a Dark Guardian, that you won't tell anyone about me."
"I won't." She made an X over her heart. It was a childish gesture, but it actually brought me comfort. "Cross my heart. Besides, it could just be a temporary glitch. Maybe you need another moon cycle."