“In your dream?”
I shook my head. “No—for real. And it was…amazing. Powerful. Feral. I don’t want to hurt Connor, but I need to figure out what it is I’m feeling for Rafe. It’s not like anything I’ve ever experienced before. It fills me with wonder but at the same time it terrifies me.”
“Do you love Connor?”
I dropped my head back and stared at the planks in the ceiling, imagining I could see Connor’s face in a knot in the wood. “I do, but…”
“But…?”
I lowered my gaze to meet hers. “What’s it like to love Lucas?”
Her brow pleated. “Intense. Consuming. I have no doubt that he’s my mate.”
“That’s my problem. I care for Connor, but I do have doubts. And he knows it. We were fighting about it right before we found Dallas. He wants me to confront whatever it is I’m feeling for Rafe, but I can’t do that without spending time with Rafe. And the full moon…it’s not going to wait for me to decide. It’s going to come—soon—and I have to know. Maybe a few days in the woods with Rafe will help me figure out what I feel for both of them. And we’ll be doing something good at the same time.”
“Lindsey, this is reckless. It’s way too dangerous.”
It was—in so many ways.
“I know, but I have to take the risk.” Not only to find the lab, but also to discover what was truly in my heart.
“What if you decide…and it’s not Connor?”
I felt a painful tightness in my chest. I didn’t want to hurt him. “Would it be fair to him if I accept him as my mate, but I didn’t love him like you love Lucas?”
Kayla got up, crossed over to me, and hugged me tightly. “It wouldn’t be fair to either of you. If you can’t decide, I’ll be there with you for the change.”
“But you’re bound to Lucas.”
“So?” She leaned back and held my gaze. “We can’t be bound to more than one person? You’re my best friend, Lindsey. I won’t let you go through it alone.”
I felt tears sting my eyes. “Thanks, Kayla. But I’ll figure this out. If I can’t, I’m not worthy of being a Dark Guardian. I want to be a guardian almost as much as I want to figure out who is truly my destiny.”
Before I left, I asked Kayla to explain to Connor where I was and that I knew what I was doing so he wouldn’t worry or come after me. Knowing Connor, it probably wouldn’t stop him from doing either of those things, but I figured it was worth a try.
Rafe was leaning against the porch post when I slipped outside, and I was hit with the reality of what I was doing. I was leaving with him. I was going to be alone with him. I was surprised by how desperately I wanted that. I could feel his gaze assessing me, but I was also acutely aware that his usually hard-to-read expression had shifted into one of obvious pleasure. In spite of the dangers that we might face—both in the wilderness and to our hearts—he was glad for my company. I felt an incredible warmth flow through me when he took my hand, threading his strong fingers through mine. I was amazed by how right it felt. Silently, I followed him away from the small village at the edge of the park to where he’d parked his bike, far enough away that no one would hear it.
I climbed on behind Rafe, adjusted my backpack so it was more comfortable, and slid my arms around him, welcoming the strength and warmth that was Rafe.
“Are you sure about this, Lindsey?” he asked, and I knew that he was aware I was taking this journey for a number of reasons—not simply to find the hidden lab.
“Absolutely.”
“You know that when Connor gets back and discovers you’re gone, he’s going to come after you.”
“But he can’t be mad at me, Rafe. The truth is…I’m just following his suggestion.”
He released a dark laugh. “Oh, he’ll be furious. Count on it.”
The bike roared to life. I tightened my hold on Rafe as we took off. A strange sensation skittered through me, and I glanced back over my shoulder. Although I didn’t see anything, I couldn’t shake the feeling we were being watched.
We rode through the morning and all day long in the thick and verdant forest. We stopped once to quickly eat some sandwiches that Rafe had packed. We didn’t talk. Maybe it was the sense of doing something we weren’t supposed to that kept us quiet—or maybe we feared being overheard. Maybe we just had nothing to say as the enormity of what we were doing began to sink in. Danger was bound to be involved, and bringing me along was probably not Rafe’s smartest move. On the other hand, I didn’t think going alone would have been too smart, either.
Heavy darkness had descended before we finally came to a stop for the night. Rafe held me close until my legs adjusted to standing again.
“How long before my legs adapt to riding for such long hours?” I asked.
“Hopefully never. I like holding you.”
Relaxing against him, I enjoyed the feel of his arms around me. Burying my nose against his chest, I inhaled the scent that was unique to him. No matter how this trip ends, I thought, I’d never forget his scent.
“I don’t think we should set up a campfire,” Rafe said, his chest rumbling with his words. “We have no idea how close anyone might be.”
“Do you think we’re being followed?”
“I don’t know, but I wouldn’t put it past those mercenaries that Dallas told us about.”
“Do you think they killed him?”
“That’s my guess. They might have hung around to see how we reacted.”
“Bastards.” Reluctantly, I pulled away from Rafe, took a small penlight out of my pocket, and scouted the area. I located a log, sat on it, and turned off the light. I struggled out of my backpack, wondering how I could be so tired when all I’d done was ride a bike all day. Every one of my muscles and bones ached.
We had more moonlight tonight, and I watched as his silhouette approached and sat beside me. I located the front pocket on my pack and unzipped it. “I have some protein bars and a couple of apples.”
“Guess that’ll work. I can take you back tonight if you’ve changed your mind, but once we have two days behind us—”
“I don’t want to go back.” I held out a protein bar and he took it. I grabbed a bottle of water from a side pocket.