‘When my mum got pregnant they were really excited. They didn’t have any other kids and I think maybe they thought they couldn’t or something. I guess it was a big deal. When I was born my mum took some time off for a while but then she went back to work.’ He stopped to think. ‘It’s hard to explain but, because they lived on the grounds, it was kind of like I was raised by everyone. Nobody else here had young children. The teachers and other staff took turn babysitting me. I was, like, a novelty.’
Her hands still in her lap, Allie watched his face.
‘And you lived in that cottage?’ she asked. ‘The one we saw that night in the woods – with the roses?’
He looked surprised, as if he’d forgotten the night they’d come across the little stone cottage with the lush flower garden. He nodded. ‘Bob Ellison lives there now.’
‘It looked like a beautiful place to grow up,’ she said.
He shrugged as if it were a silly question, although she could see in his eyes that it wasn’t.
‘Were your parents happy here, do you think?’ she asked.
A wistful smile flittered across his face. ‘I think so. I remember us being happy. My dad was really good at what he did – he could fix anything, you know? He was a genius with anything technical or mechanical. Everybody relied on him, and Isabelle says he liked that. Knowing he was needed. And Mum …’ He stopped to rub his eyes.
Allie felt horrible. She wanted to hold his hand, hug him – do something aside from just sit there. But he sat stiffly, with his body turned away from her. She knew he didn’t want that right now. So she stayed still.
His voice was steady when he started again. ‘Mum was, I think, kind of like a mother to everybody. She’d make sandwiches for the kids if they got hungry after class. Make scones for the teachers’ meetings. She fussed over everybody.’ He stopped again for a long moment. ‘So yeah,’ he said finally. ‘I think they were happy.’
Allie could feel tears prickling the backs of her eyes. She rubbed her nose fiercely as if it itched.
I don’t want to do this.
‘Carter,’ she said quietly, ‘what happened?’
The silence between them was like a physical wall. She felt as if she could touch its cold edges. The muscles in his jaw worked, and his hands were twisted into a knot in his lap.
‘So,’ he said as if she hadn’t spoken, ‘one day, my dad was sent out to collect some parts from a distributor in Portsmouth.’ His voice was strangely steady. ‘It was something he did all the time. This time, though, my mum wanted to go along too, you know? It was a sunny summer day. She thought we could have a day by the sea. So she made a big picnic, and they packed me into the back seat of the car and we all headed out. But …’
This time when he paused, Allie held her breath.
‘A lorry lost control on the motorway,’ he said, his eyes on some invisible point far away from her. ‘They say the driver fell asleep, came across the central divide and hit us.’ He flexed his fingers, then squeezed them into fists. ‘Everyone said they wouldn’t have felt a thing. It happened so fast.’
A tear slipped down Allie’s cheek. ‘What about you?’ she asked, striking it away. ‘Were you hurt?’
‘Bruises. A few scrapes.’ He sounded almost angry. ‘Nothing serious.’
‘That’s incredible.’ Allie allowed herself a moment of gladness that he’d survived. ‘What happened then? I mean … You were just a little kid.’
‘Bob Ellison and my parents were really close friends. They’d made him my godparent. He came to the hospital and got me. Neither of my parents had close family so I think it was all settled really quickly. I don’t really remember.’ He shrugged. ‘Guess nobody else wanted me. He moved into the cottage with me, and I lived there until I was old enough to move into the boys’ dorm.’
He met her eyes. ‘And here I am.’
Resisting the urge to wrap him in her arms and squeeze the pain out of him, Allie cleared her throat. ‘This is all so … huge, Carter,’ she said. ‘I can’t believe I didn’t know this already.’
He arched a sardonic eyebrow. ‘Yeah well, it’s not something I go around telling people.’ He held out his hand. ‘Hi, I’m Carter. My parents were killed in this awful car accident when I was little but I’m handling it remarkably well under the—’
‘Stop it, Carter.’ She interrupted him sharply. ‘That’s not fair. And it’s not real. I’m your girlfriend – not just “people”. And you can be real with me.’
‘I know,’ he looked chagrined. ‘I’m sorry, Al. I just don’t know how to … you know … say this stuff. It’s hard. Not talking about it makes me happier than talking about it. So I don’t talk about it.’
Spontaneously, she leaned over to hug him. ‘Thank you for telling me,’ she whispered into his shoulder. ‘I know it was hard. And I’m so, so sorry.’
His arms were like bands of iron around her ribs. Behind her back, she could feel his hands clenched into fists.
They held each other like that for a long moment.
When he leaned back, he rubbed his eyes before straightening.
‘Right.’ His voice was gruff but he forced a half-smile. ‘This is really great so far.’
‘Just a few questions left,’ she said, flipping through her notebook. ‘Are you now or have you ever been sympathetic to Nathaniel? Do you want to destroy the school? Are you plotting against Isabelle?’