“What is?” I ask. I move to her feet, try to rub heat back into them as well. They are as chilled as ice.
“The choice to die,” Sketch says. “I’m ready, Meadow. I’ve been ready for a long time.”
“But . . .” I swallow, hard, and that is when I realize it. “I wasn’t ready for you to go.”
She nods, then smiles, if only for a moment. “You’ve gone soft. It’s pathetic.” But then she grabs my hand and squeezes it tight. “I needed you, too, I guess.”
We fall asleep side by side, our heads leaning against each other.
And even though I feel impossibly alone, for the first time in my life, I think I have made a true friend.
CHAPTER 19
ZEPHYR
There’s no one to kill but Sparrow.
I writhe against my chains. I have to get to her. I have to spill blood.
“Stop,” she says. “Control yourself.”
She’s so close. I can almost reach out, almost touch her. I could slit her throat or crush her skull and feel her wet blood on my hands.
“Patient Zero, you can fight it,” I think I hear her say.
But the Murder Complex needs me. Wants me.
I have to kill.
“Control your breathing. Remember who you are.”
“Do . . . not . . . resist . . .” I hear myself say. I want to swallow the words, fight the system, but it calls on me, sings to me like a song.
“Remember who your enemies are. It’s not me, Patient Zero. It’s them,” Sparrow says. “Breathe with me. In, out. In, out. Do it.”
Somehow, I force myself to breathe.
I force my body to react to my commands, even thought the system begs me not to.
“In, out. Good,” Sparrow says. “Keep going. You are Zephyr James. You are a person, not a machine. Say it.”
“I’m . . . a person,” I gasp, and my head is pounding, and all I can think is, Kill, destroy, no escaping, no turning back.
“Say the rest,” Sparrow commands, and her voice sounds so much like Lark’s that it hurts.
“I am not a machine,” I growl.
I breathe deeply in, slowly out. I do it again, and again.
And then I realize that it’s quiet.
The system fades into the background. I keep breathing, keep doing what Sparrow says, as she guides me from darkness to light.
When it’s over, we stare at each other in silence.
A drop of blood slides from my nose, splashes onto my leg.
“You can’t keep this up much longer,” she tells me. “You’re exhausting your brain. It wasn’t meant to handle this amount of stress.”
“I don’t really have a choice, do I?” I whisper.
She smiles. It’s horrible, tugs at her scars in a way that makes me want to look away, but I don’t. “You can keep up this charade, searching for Lark, hoping she’ll surface,” Sparrow says. “But the longer you wait, the weaker you’ll become.”
“So what do you suggest we do?” I growl.
She opens and closes her mouth. She’s probably been looking for a way to kill Lark for as long as I, or anyone else, have.
But the answer comes to us, when Rhone and Dex sprint inside the tunnel.
“She’s . . . she’s coming,” Rhone gasps.
Dex leans over, tries to catch her breath.
“Who is?” I ask. Sparrow and I both lean forward against our chains. “Lark?”
“Is it her?” Sparrow asks. “Tell us!”
Rhone looks at me when he speaks. “The Leeches announced it all over the place, probably so Lark would see it. She’s coming outside, tomorrow.” He leans against the wall, takes another deep breath. His final words send a shock that rolls through me, inside and out.
“They’re setting Meadow free.”
CHAPTER 20
MEADOW
The Initiative releases me when the sun comes up.
With a fresh cut mark on my calf, I follow Doctor Wane through the outer halls of the building. She places her hand on my shoulder, weaving me through the halls as if I am her pet. The Regulator is as heavy as ever, sucking on my soul.
I’d cut my own head off if it meant getting rid of it. But there is Peri.
I have to stay alive, or they’ll kill her. The Commander said so himself.
I think of Peri, covered in blood, and another piece of me breaks away. A flicker of my mother’s insanity swims through me, emerges as a laugh that bubbles from my lips.
Doctor Wane looks sideways at me. “I see the truth,” she whispers. “I see your mother in you, Meadow. And I don’t mean the way you look on the outside.” She sighs. “It’s a pity, really.”
I don’t argue.
Because I am afraid she might be right.
We stop at the front entrance, where the walls are covered in old Pins.
It is a sign of so many citizens’ deaths. The last time I saw this, I was breaking in to this very building, thinking I had a chance to destroy the Motherboard. It would make me shiver, if I had any feelings left inside. Guards line the walls of the room, weapons at the ready. Probably positioned here around the clock, in case of another Resistance attack.
It will not come.
It may not ever come again, not after our failed attempt.
Standing before the doors is the Commander.
His oily hair shines like the Pins, and I want to slit his throat. “Miss Woodson,” he says, when he sees me. “The finest Initiative soldier we have.”