“Meadow? Will we eat tonight?” Peri asks me as I row, weaving through the maze of waste and litter. The wind blows her hair back from her face, and I notice how her cheekbones stick out, how her eyes are slightly sunken. She’s losing more weight.
“Yes.” I nod, looking away. The way she’s studying me, as if I am the only thing in the world worth loving, makes my heart fill with guilt. If she only knew what I do to make sure she can eat. To make sure that all of us survive.
Two miles from shore, I stop and stare out at the black sea, feeling my shoulders burn from the effort of rowing. The dinghy bumps up against our houseboat. It is quiet here, a still night, the waves lapping the boat, the same way they always have. When my mother was murdered, I thought the world would end with her. But it goes on.
CHAPTER 2
ZEPHYR
A number is a stupid thing to fear.
57809. Each time I see that one I shiver.
45860. I spin away, face flushed, fingers trembling.
23412. Guilt. Hatred. Anguish. I want to turn around and bang my head against a brick wall until it bleeds, until I black out and leave the world behind.
Wards shouldn’t have feelings. Especially the boys. We should be tough, able to fend for ourselves. At least, that’s what the Initiative tells us.
It’s stupid to fear a number.
But I do.
I do.
CHAPTER 3
MEADOW
Every night, I stay awake for as long as I can to keep my nightmares at bay. I stand on the deck. The sea is blacker than the sky, and even though I can barely see the waves rising and falling in the moonlight, I feel the motion beneath my feet. A gentle lull that makes me feel safe. The other boats around us slosh and groan at their moorings. There used to be others living on the boats.
But everyone has either been killed or disappeared. Now it is just my family that survives in the sea.
In the distance, I can see the lights of the Perimeter—the massive black wall that surrounds the Shallows.
My father tells me there was a war that tore the country apart, and everyone left alive got the Plague. It turns your insides to mush. You die in an instant, and everyone close enough to see it happen dies, too.
Every so often, the top edge of the Perimeter blinks blue, then purple, and back again. The Pulse. The lights send a message to the Pin that is implanted in our arms, at birth. When it gets the message, the Pin releases nanites. They eat away at the impurities in our bodies, fixing our cells, like sand fleas cleaning the sand. Because of it, we are all healthy. Because of the Pulse, death by an illness or disease is no longer something to fear. The Plague cannot harm us here. Commandment Two is for our safety.
And that is the only reason why we stay.
I start to turn, ready to head back inside. Peri will be having her own nightmares by now. But before I do, something stops me.
I think I hear footsteps.
“Peri?”
Something hits me, hard, and the air is knocked from my lungs. I tumble overboard, crashing into the black sea.
Someone has me. We are sinking to the bottom of the ocean, fast, the moonlight overhead slowly fading.
I can’t breathe, I can’t think. I am going to drown.
Count to three. Relax your mind. Now survive. My father’s words ring clearly in my head, and I obey.
My fist connects with human flesh, and I hear a low groan through the water. I reach back and grab the handle of my dagger, open my eyes, and thrust it toward my attacker. The blade connects, just as I feel three hard squeezes on my arm. The signal in my family, when we are ready to give up. I recoil, pulling the dagger away. I’m going to pay for this one.
I kick to the surface and suck in the cool summer air as my brother surfaces beside me.
“What the hell, Meadow?!” Koi rages, both of us sputtering salt water. “Dad!” he screams, and our father’s face appears over the railing. He tosses the rope ladder down to us, and we swim toward it in the moonlight.
“Damn it!” Koi groans as he hobbles up the ladder and flops onto the deck like a dying fish. He lies on his back and gulps in air. Silver tendrils of hair frame his scarred face. “How many times have I told you? Leave . . . the dagger . . .” Groan. “On the boat . . .” Groan. “When we’re sparring!”
I pull myself up the ladder and squat down beside my brother. He gives me the one-fingered salute and I wince at the small pool of blood gathering on the deck beneath his thigh. Blood doesn’t bother me, most of the time. The nanites repair our wounds at a rapid rate. They leave scars behind, signs of our strength. But seeing my brother’s blood makes my head spin. The thought of me being the one to end Koi’s life makes me want to retch.
“You snuck up on me!” I whine. But despite the blood, I can’t help but smile. Koi’s wins tally three for every one of mine. “Here, let me help. . . .”
“No, I’m fine,” Koi growls. The wound is already closing. “It isn’t even that bad.” He grimaces and swats my hand away. His scars are like hundreds of tiny teeth marks up and down his arms. Mine aren’t as bad—only a few nicks here and there—but I wish I had more. Scars are trophies in the Shallows. They show we know how to cheat death.
“Nice work, Meadow.” My father grins up at me. He turns the crank on a big, rusted wheel positioned on the bow of the boat. Down aft is a housing unit that holds a coil of barbed wire. Chains connected to the wheel release a thick strand of barbed wire from the housing unit. The wire snakes around the railing of our boat, its points sharp as knives. No one can ever be too safe. “You’re getting better. I think you’re ready.”