“You’ve put a crack in it,” said the King, showing her a tiny hairline mark before slipping it back into its satchel sheath. “This is governmental property, Azalea. What are you doing here?”
“You’re leaving,” said Azalea between shivers. “You didn’t even say good-bye! The girls—”
Shouting interrupted her, men yelling to the King about load lines, splitting regiments, supplies. The smell of wet horse, the words the King shouted back, the creaking of the poles and hooves on the planks—all felt foreign to her. Azalea grasped the King’s coat about her neck, tightly, and the boiling hotness escaped to her tongue.
“You can’t leave yet!” she said. “Rule number twenty-one! We have rules!”
The King turned to her, his fine red uniform now black from the rain. Lightning flashed, casting harsh shadows across his face. “I cannot leave the men here, Azalea! They need their general.”
“If you don’t come,” said Azalea, “the girls will think that you…that you don’t—please, sir, you’ve got to come and say good-bye!”
“Minister Fairweller,” the King called out. “Minister, escort Azalea back to the palace. And for heaven’s sake, don’t let her fall off!”
In a moment, the King had lifted Azalea back onto Thackeray and handed the reins to Fairweller, who had pulled astride on his pure white horse, LadyFair.
A teakettle screamed inside Azalea, burning her fingers, making her throat tight and her head dizzy. Fairweller led her off the dock, LadyFair’s tail twitching and bobbing in front of her. Fairweller, thankfully, remained silent.
The anger that burned in Azalea was so acute, so searing, that her hands acted of their own accord. Azalea leaned forward, and before Fairweller had fully escorted her onto the cobblestone street, she yanked the reins from his hand.
“My lady!” said Fairweller. She left him behind at a gallop.
“So!” cried Azalea through the pounding sleet as hoofs clattered back over the wood. “So!” She pulled up to the King, so hard that Thackeray skidded.
The King looked up from the reins in his hand. His eyebrows rose at her, then furrowed.
“Azalea—” he said. Azalea cut him off.
“You knew how much we thought of you! You could have at least—at least acted like you cared!”
She pulled his overcoat from her shoulders, and wadded it into a heavy, wet ball.
“Shame on us for giving our affections to someone so undeserving. If you don’t want us, then—fine! We don’t want you!”
She threw the coat with all her might at the King. It fell only a foot from her in a soggy pile on the platform.
“Good-bye!” she said.
She jerked Thackeray around and pushed him into a hard gallop, away from the port, through the slick streets, back to the palace. A marvelous, euphoric feeling fired her to her fingertips and cheeks, and she almost laughed with a sheer, angry giddiness.
By the time Thackeray had reached the palace gate, though, the blaze had faded to a dull throb, the giddiness to hurt. She turned the horse about and stared down at the sliver of river, lit by the pinpricks of port lamps. The sleet melted on her face and weighed her down to exhaustion.
“Good-bye,” she said.
CHAPTER 6
“Masterful!” Mother laughed. “You’re better than me! Up, up, up. Very good! Ladies’ cloaks, in the library, gentleman’s hats—”
“In the entrance hall. Yes, I remember.” Azalea stood and smoothed her skirts.
“Brilliant. The gentleman will be mad for you.”
“I wish you could come,” said Azalea.
“Your father will be there.”
“Actually, no,” said Azalea. “He’ll be up here with you. I’ll end up dancing with ghastly Fairweller.”
“I beg your pardon?” said Mother.
“Great scott,” said Azalea. “I’m dreaming it. Again!” And she awoke.
For a while she lay staring at the bedcurtains draped above her, her hair in auburn tendrils over the pillow.
That dream! She thought she’d gotten rid of it. She’d not had it for at least three weeks. That was better than at first, when it came nearly twice a week, three months in a row. It was always so real. She could smell Mother’s white-cake, medicine, and baby-ointment scent, and feel the warmth of the fire next to Mother’s chair. Azalea wished she could dream about the picnics and trips to the market. Not Mother’s last minutes, when she was in such pain. Azalea hated thinking of Mother in pain.
And yet Azalea wished she could have made the dream last longer.
Fumbling for Lord Bradford’s watch in her nightgown pocket, Azalea clicked it open, feeling grateful for it all over again. With the windows hidden behind black drapery, even daytime in the palace felt like night.
Still early. Azalea tucked the blanket around Kale, her bedmate, and made certain Lily slept in her bassinet, then slipped from the room.
Although it was June, the ballroom’s marble floor was cool against Azalea’s bare feet. The lamp she held made the chandeliers glimmer and reflected back from the mirrors. She set the lamp down and curtsied deeply to her reflection, pointing her back toe, lifting her arm out. She loved the stretch and pull of her legs when she danced. She lifted herself onto her toes and released into a spin, feeling her nightgown breeze around her, fixing her view on the far wall through each turn, her feet turning, her head turning faster, stopping at each rotation as her body swirled beneath her.