“Yeah. I know.” Of course I did. We had a major debriefing in the Tower before we were allowed to leave. But in a way I thought it was more talk than action. I didn’t think my dad would be so strict. Of course I’m not going to announce my ability at school, but realizing I can never tell anyone … ever … is hard. I’ve never had to lie about who I am before.
My dad still has his stern look on. I nudge his leg with my foot. “Loosen up. I’m not going to tell anyone. Finish the quiz. Ask me another question.”
“Okay. Why did you move here?”
“My dad’s work.” I start to say as a human lie detector but stop myself. He is obviously not in the mood to joke about it. The jokes were helping me feel better and without them the seriousness of the situation settles onto my shoulders.
“What do you like to do for fun?” he asks, still in teacher mode.
“Read … mostly.”
“Good. You’ll do just fine.”
“You think that’s all they’ll ask?”
“I’m sure you’ll get more questions, but it sounds like you have your story down.” His lips pucker into his concerned face. “Are you okay?”
No. “Yes, I’m fine. This is just so new to me. That’s all.”
I know he doesn’t believe me. He is the lie detector after all, but still he says, “You’ll feel better once you start school and realize the cover story isn’t a big deal.”
“Yeah, probably. I’ll go get ready for the football game.”
I shut myself in the bathroom and lean against the counter. My ability had been my entire life. It Presented earlier than most—at the beginning of the sixth grade. But even before that, from the time I was little, my mom was constantly assessing my strengths, testing my mind patterns, seeing what I was drawn toward. Without my ability, I’m not sure who I am.
I dig out my phone from my pocket and dial Laila. On the second ring she picks up.
“Hey, what’s up?” she says.
“I have to pretend like I’m average.”
“The horror!” she says in faux offense.
“It is horrible. You know what this means, right? Everybody is going to think I’m … Normal. My ability is what makes me halfway cool. I’m nobody without it.”
“Oh, please. You aren’t average—with or without your ability.”
I lower the toilet lid and sit down. “What am I supposed to talk to people about? The weather? I already tried that and it went horribly. I’m doomed.”
“Did you hear what I just said?”
“Yes, but I don’t believe you because you only know the me with my ability. You haven’t seen the me without my ability in a long time. The me without my ability is boring, whiny, and plain.”
“The you with your ability is pretty whiny as well.”
“Not helping.” I pull on the string hanging from the blinds beside me and they raise with a clatter, making me jump. After tugging on the bottom a few times, I give up, not remembering how to put them back down again.
“So let me get this straight. If I didn’t have an ability, you wouldn’t like me?”
I sigh. “Of course I’d like you. But that’s because you’re outspoken, bossy, and don’t care what anyone else thinks.”
“You just made me sound like a total witch.”
“I know, but let’s not get sidetracked. This is my meltdown.”
“Addie, come on, you usually don’t care what anyone else thinks either. What’s going on?”
“I don’t care when people think I’m an antisocial, controlling bookworm because that’s what I am. It’s when they interpret me wrong that I have a problem.”
She gives a short burst of laughter. “Well, I’m sure you’ll prove yourself to be just what you are soon enough. I gotta run. I’m getting ready to go out.”
I pull the cell phone away from my ear to check the time. “Yeah, me too. Football game. Actually I’d better go take a shower.”
“Wait. You’re going to a football game?”
“My dad’s taking me.”
“Wow. Well, that’s not going to help your image.”
“Ha-ha.”
“I’m proud of you. Find the student section and make some friends.”
I wish she were going with me, and I think about blubbering this to her in an ever-so-dignified manner but settle with, “I’ll try.”
My dad and I sit on the cold cement benches of the stadium as we watch the game. It’s a lot louder than I remember. The crunching of helmets and the cheering of the crowd echo through the air. The moon hangs over the stadium, a sliver in the sky. I try to remember the last time I’ve seen the moon anything but full.
“Is it disappointing?” my dad asks.
“Not at all,” I answer quickly, and then realize I’m not sure if he’s talking about the moon or the game. I decide the answer applies to both.
“Addie, why don’t you go sit in the student section? It looks like they’re having a lot more fun.”
I look over to where a whole section of high school students are cheering and waving signs. Some have even painted their bodies in the school colors. I wonder how they can be so excited without Mood Controllers rallying their emotions. My dad nudges my shoulder with his.
“I don’t know anybody.”