He wraps his arms around me, and I relax into him with a happy sigh. But then he starts rubbing my back, and tingles spread down my spine. “Best friends don’t rub each other’s backs,” I tell him.
His hands stop moving, but then they press me closer to him. I can’t decide which is worse, because my whole body is on fire now.
“Will you let me read the handbook so I know all the rules?”
“Yes. I will.”
He bends down and rests his forehead on my shoulder, his breath warming my skin. Why haven’t I pushed him away yet? “Does the handbook cover this?” he says.
I nod.
His lips tickle my neck as they move along it. Is he trying to drive me crazy? “It says definitely no.”
His lips come to rest against the soft spot below my ear. I can no longer think straight. It’s then I realize I have a fistful of the back of his shirt. I clutch it tighter. He must consider this encouragement because he takes my face in his hands and presses his lips to mine. They move over mine softly, his breath seeping into my mouth. My heart feels close to bursting. I want to rip up the fake handbook and throw it in his overflowing trash can. Holy crap, Trevor the nice guy is an amazing kisser.
He pulls back slightly and meets my eyes. “So when can I get a copy of this friendship handbook?”
“Friends? Who said anything about friends?”
He looks back and forth between my eyes. “Are you okay with that?”
With my fist still full of his T-shirt, I tighten my grip and pull him back to me.
CHAPTER 29
PARA-noia: n. extreme distrust of others
I want to trust Duke, but when he’s away, suspicions start to enter my mind. What if he lied to me the other day? What if he really is still using me because he hasn’t gotten what he wants out of me? What if all he wants to know is the future? A future I can’t tell him.
“Earth to Addie,” Laila says, waving her hand in front of my face. “What’s up?”
I stare out at the sea of grass and the students surrounding the stage where we sit. My thumb rubs at the plastic paper around the water bottle in my hand, causing it to wrinkle. “Do you think Duke really likes me?”
Her brows lower. “Is that a real question? Because I thought he had made that pretty clear.”
I tell her about the list of students and their abilities I found in his room the other day and his explanation for it. “That’s adorable,” she says, when I’m done. “That’s a story you can tell your grandchildren.”
“Jeez, Laila, not even I think that far in the future. Let us get through high school first.” I set my water bottle next to me and face her. “So you don’t think I should be worried?”
“I’m starting to wonder if you really like him. Is this why you didn’t want to go off-campus with him for lunch today?”
“I just wanted some space to think. When I’m around him, everything seems perfect.”
“I swear, you’re the only person I know who would complain about something being perfect.” She sighs. “You know what your problem is, Addie?”
“What?” I ask, as if what she’s about to tell me will solve all my doubts about Duke.
“You like to assign roles to the people in your life. And when they don’t play their parts right, you have a hard time accepting that. You assigned Duke the title of egocentric jerk a long time ago, and even though he’s proven it’s not the right part for him, you’re quick to believe anything that will restore him his title.”
I look down at my lap. Maybe she’s right. It sounds like me. There’s a dull ache behind my eyes, and I rub at my temples and attempt to ease the pain with a memorized mind pattern. I just need to stop thinking so much.
The bell rings. I stand and put my empty water bottle onto the plate with the crust of pizza and drop it in the trash. “What’s today?”
“The thirteenth.”
We start walking toward our next class. “No, I mean day of the week. Is it Thursday?”
“Yeah, why?”
It bothers me that I’m having this much trouble focusing on my schedule. I used to know it backward and forward. “I feel like I’m forgetting something. Did we have plans tonight?”
“Aren’t you still grounded?”
“Yeah, I guess. My mom’s been so weird about that. It’s like she wants to be strict, but every time Duke asks her if I can go somewhere with him, she caves.”
“I say take advantage.” She squares her shoulders. “Check out the eye candy.”
I follow her stare and see Duke heading up the sidewalk from the parking lot. I smack her arm. “That’s my boyfriend you’re lusting after.”
She laughs. “I know. He’s hot.”
He stops to talk to someone. “Who is that?” I ask, only able to see the back of the guy’s head.
“It looks like Bobby.”
Stringy hair, frayed jeans, hunched shoulders. “Yeah, you’re right, it is.”
“You’re not going to say hi to him?” Laila asks, when I keep walking.
“I’ll see him later.”
When we’re almost to class, a tug on my backpack pulls me to a halt. “Hey, girlfriend,” Duke says, from behind me.
Laila waves and keeps walking. “See you later.”
“Bye.” I turn around.
He slides his legs out to the sides until we’re standing eye to eye and then pulls me against him. “You were just going to walk by without even saying hi?”