Instead, I say, "We don't have any mountains where I live. I guess that's why they make skyscrapers, they're like Chicago's mountains."
"I've never been to Chicago," Safta says.
"Well, you'll have to come visit me. I can take you to the Sears Tower. You can see, like, four states from the top floor. It's totally cool. And we have Lake Michigan. It's so wide you can't even see across it."
I get excited thinking about taking her around Chicago when she comes to visit me. She will love Millennium Park, where she can watch people and have lunch on the grass smack dab in the middle of the city.
And I bet she'll love the Art Institute of Chicago and Museum of Science and Industry. The museum has awesome exhibits. My favorite is the dead baby exhibit.
It's really called the Neonatal exhibit, but I say just tell it like it is. It's a bunch of real, dead babies of every stage, all encased in formaldehyde or some other liquid. They have about thirty embryos and fetuses that are one week old on up to a full term baby. They even show identical twin embryos. It's the coolest thing I've ever seen.
Yeah, it would be neat to have Safia come visit.
I sigh, getting caught up in the moment. "I feel like I could scan the whole country from up here." Then I think about the malls, miles and miles from here. "But it's so far from everything."
"You're a city girl, eh?"
"Through and through. Give me a Kate Spade purse and a pair of Lucky jeans and I'm a happy girl."
She laughs, the soft, warm sound filling the air.
"I love it here. Away from the noise, away from crowds. It's the perfect place on earth for an old woman like me. Besides, at my age I don't need a Kate Spade purse or Lucky jeans."
"I'm sure you were one hot mama when you were a teenager," I say, then want to take those words right back. Talking to her like she's one of my friends is a stupid thing to do.
"I married your grandfather when I was eighteen years old."
"Was it love at first sight?"
"No. I couldn't stand the sight of him. Until one day he bought me flowers."
Flowers? That's the oldest trick in the book. "So he brought you some roses and you fell in love?" It's a cute story, if a little boring.
Safta pats my hand. "No, motek. He bought me the whole flower shop. And the poor man was allergic to pollen."
"Wow." I'd be sold if a guy bought me my own Abercrombie and Fitch store. Now, that would be true love.
Safta starts to get up, and I grab her elbow to help her. Even though she told me she's fine, I have a feeling I'm not getting the whole story.
"I'm going to lie down," she says once she stands. "Go explore the moshav, your father should be back with dinner soon." I watch as she walks back down the dirt path toward the house.
Taking a deep breath, I head toward the entrance to the moshav. The winding road will be a great place for me to take a jog.
As I reach the security booth, a guy sticks his head out of the window.
"I'm going for a run," I say.
He nods his head and opens the gate.
When I start to jog, the fresh air in my lungs energizes me. The mountainous view is like out of a movie, and the music in my ears reminds me of home. I'm in heaven as my stride matches the rhythm of the song I'm listening to.
If only Mitch could see me now, jogging down a mountain. He's a nature nut. My best friend Jessica is, too. She'd probably be jealous of me.
While I'm thinking of Mitch and Jess, I whiz past some white boxes. Only after I pass them do I realize what they are.
Beehives.
What the hell are beehives doing on the side of the road?
I think I'm safe, until I see one of the stinging suckers has followed me. "Go away," I say, running faster. The bee flies faster, and he's doing circles around me.
I stop and stand as still as those guards in London who stand at the palace, hoping that will make him go away. But it doesn't, it only attracts another bee. And another. And another.
It feels like time has stopped, except my iPod is still playing music in my ear.
"Help!" I scream, and take off again. I'm waving my arms around like a madwoman, trying to get the bees off of me. Gross, I think one just got caught in my hair!
I'm running.
And waving my arms.
And shaking my head.
When I spot a car coming up the road, I'm hopeful it's Ron. But I'm shaking my head around so hard that I don't see who it is. The car passes me, but then I hear tires screech.
I run toward the car, until I realize who's getting out of the driver's side.
Avi.
The last possible person in the world I want to see.
"Get in," he says, opening up the passenger side.
I have two options: get in the car with a jerk who saw me buck naked or get stung by seven bees.
Call me crazy, call me stupid. But I choose option number two. "Go to hell," I say, and keep running down the mountain.
About three-quarters of the way down, the bees finally leave me alone. By some miracle, I've managed to avoid getting stung.
But now I'm stuck at the bottom of the mountain. And I don't want to go back up and pass the beehives again.
I have a brilliant idea. I'll wait for the Sperm Donor. Softa said he'll be coming back soon.
So I wait. And wait.
Forty-five minutes later, I'm still waiting.
I swear, this vacation is a total disaster. If I were home, I'd be playing tennis and hanging out with friends.