“She’ll wake up soon,” I told him. “She gets her second wind after about thirty minutes or so.”
I slipped off his lap so I could curl up against his side. He put his arm around me, like a hug, like a wing, like a home. “That’s what I meant earlier,” Oliver said, “about wishing I could have been here. You know things about one another. They know things about you.”
“Too much,” I groaned.
“No, I’m serious. I don’t have that with anyone except . . .”
When I looked up, Oliver was staring straight ahead, his jaw tight, his face suddenly a secret to me. “Your dad,” I finished for him.
“Yeah,” Oliver said after a few seconds had passed. “My dad. We were—” He cleared his throat. “He’s my best friend. Or he was. I don’t really know what he is—or was—anymore.”
I pulled his arm around me even tighter, then put my arm around his waist. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.
He hugged me against his side, then kissed the top of my head. “Thanks,” he said. “No one else has said that.”
“But your mom . . . ?”
“My mom doesn’t know what she wants.” I could hear the anger as it reverberated in his chest, low like a drum. “I think she spent so much time looking for me and now that I’m home, she doesn’t know what to do with me. I disrupted her life. She was totally fine without me.”
I shook my head, more to myself than Oliver. “When you went missing, she never stopped looking for you,” I said. “She didn’t focus on anything else except you.”
“Yeah. Except for getting remarried and having more kids.”
“Hey!” I sat up. “That’s not fair.”
“Yeah, well. Sometimes I don’t feel like playing fair. Nobody was playing fair with me.”
“Your mom had one focus, one cause. And that cause had such momentum, you know? It’s all she did. It’s all she thought and breathed. And now suddenly, you’re back. It’s over. She got you back. But, if you’re driving a semi at sixty miles an hour, you can’t just stop on a dime, you know?”
“Did she say that?”
“Well, no, but I’ve known her longer than you have. I watched her, Ollie. I saw . . .” My voice trailed off as I remembered Maureen’s panic, how she used to walk with her arms out in front of her, as if to break a fall or embrace a child that was just out of reach. “Everyone’s different because of what happened,” I finally said. “Especially her. And you.”
“I feel like even if I did talk to her, she wouldn’t want to hear what I really have to say.” Oliver had rested his head on top of mine, his words rumbling down through my skull.
“Well, I do,” I said. “You can say anything to me.” But I didn’t carry it further. I didn’t ask what he really wanted to say. Because the truth was that I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear it, either.
“Emmy!”
Oliver and I jerked apart, our arms suddenly back against our own bodies and not wrapped around each other’s. “Yeah?” I yelled, even though the person was in silhouette against the lit-up patio and I couldn’t really see who it was. “Who is that?” I asked.
“I have no idea who anyone is,” Oliver replied. “Except Caro and Drew.”
“Caro’s ready to go home!” the person—male—yelled back.
“Of course she is,” I muttered, starting to stand up. Sitting outside with Oliver had sobered me up and this time when I stood, my head managed to keep up with my body. “Coming!” I yelled. “Who are you?”
“Kevin!”
“Oh my God! It’s Kevin!” I whispered to Oliver. “That’s Drew’s boyfriend!”
Oliver squinted, trying to see better. “They’re dating?”
“Well, I don’t know if they’re dating yet, but Drew wants to make out with him and I think Kevin feels the same.”
“Got it.” Oliver held on to my arm as I climbed down the stairs, then we navigated our way back to the house, our shoes making soft swish-swish-swish sounds against the dewy grass.
The party had definitely wound down, and people were either half asleep on couches and chairs or, like Caro, standing up and slumped against whatever upright objects could keep them steady.
For Caro, that object was Drew.
“Hi,” she said when she saw me. “I’m ready to go.” Then she pointed at Drew. “He totally made out with Kevin.” She announced it in a stage whisper so that both Drew and Kevin blushed.
“Um, yes, you’re ready to go,” Drew said, trying to shove her off onto me. “Please leave my house and come back when you can be discreet.” But his cheeks were pink and Kevin was smiling in that way you smile when someone you like kisses you back.
“Well played,” I murmured to Drew.
“Hi, I’m Oliver,” Oliver said to Kevin, waving a little.
“I know,” Kevin said. “I’m Kevin. We went to preschool together.”
“Oh, cool. Yeah.”
“Call one of your siblings,” I said to Caro. “I can’t drive like this.”
Caro pulled her phone out of her hoodie pocket, her finger hovering over the screen. “Which one should I call?” she muttered to herself.
“Grumpy, Happy, Dopey, whoever,” I told her, then leaned against the kitchen table. “Just pick one.”