I flinched. Me? I balked at that, particularly when we emerged outside and I saw all those faces around the campfire. I didn't know any of them.
How could I talk about Dimitri? How could I reveal what was closest to my heart? Everyone seemed to blur together, and I thought I might faint.
For the moment, none of them noticed me. Karolina was speaking, her baby in her arms. Every so often she'd pause, and the others would laugh.
Viktoria sat down on a blanket-covered spot on the ground and pulled me down beside her. Sydney joined us a little while later.
"What's she saying?" I whispered.
Viktoria listened to her sister for a few moments and then leaned closer to me. "She's talking about when Dimitri was very young, how he used to always beg her and her friends to let him play with them. He was about six and they were eight and didn't want him around." Viktoria paused again to take in the next part of the story. "Finally, Karolina told him he could if he agreed to be married off to their dolls. So Karolina and her friends dressed him and the dolls up over and over and kept having weddings. Dimitri was married at least ten times."
I couldn't help but laugh as I tried to picture tough, sexy Dimitri letting his big sister dress him up. He probably would have treated his wedding ceremony with a doll as seriously and stoically as he did his guardian duties.
Other people spoke, and I tried to keep up with the translations. All the stories were about Dimitri's kindness and strength of character. Even when not out battling the undead, Dimitri had always been there to help those who needed it. Almost everyone could recall sometime that Dimitri had stepped up to help others, going out of his way to do what was right, even in situations that could put him at risk. That was no surprise to me.
Dimitri always did the right thing.
And it was that attitude that had made me love him so much. I had a similar nature. I too rushed in when others needed me, sometimes when I shouldn't have. Others called me crazy for it, but Dimitri had understood. He'd always understood me, and part of what we'd worked on was how to temper that impulsive need to run into danger with reason and calculation. I had a feeling no one else in this world would ever understand me like he did.
I didn't notice how strongly the tears were running down my cheeks until I saw everyone looking at me. At first, I thought they considered me crazy for crying, but then I realized someone had asked me a question.
"They want you to talk about Dimitri's last days," Viktoria said. "Tell us something. What he did. What he was like."
I used my sleeve to clean my face and looked away, focusing on the bonfire. I'd spoken in front of others before without hesitation, but this was different. "I... I can't," I told Viktoria, my voice strained and soft. "I can't talk about him."
She squeezed my hand. "Please. They need to hear about him. They need to know. Just tell us anything. What was he like?"
"He... he was your brother. You know."
"Yes," she said gently. "But we want to know what you think he was like."
My eyes were still on the fire, watching the way the flames danced and shifted from orange to blue. "He... he was the best man I've ever met." I stopped to gather myself, and Viktoria used the opportunity to translate my words into Russian. "And he was one of the best guardians. I mean, he was young compared to a lot of them, but everyone knew who he was. They all knew his reputation, and lots of people relied on him for advice.
They called him a god. And whenever there was a fight... or danger... he was always the first one to put himself out there. He never flinched.
And a couple months ago, when our school was attacked..."
I choked up here a bit. The Belikovs had said they knew of the attack-that everyone knew about it-and from the faces here, it was true. I didn't need to elaborate on that night, on the horrors I'd seen.
"That night," I continued, "Dimitri rushed out to face the Strigoi. He and I were together when we realized they were attacking. I wanted to stay and help him, but he wouldn't let me. He just told me to go, to run off and alert others. And he stayed behind-not knowing how many Strigoi he'd have to take on while I went for help. I still don't know how many he fought-but there were a bunch. And he took them all down alone."
I dared to look up at the faces around me. Everyone was so quiet and still that I wondered if they were breathing. "It was so hard," I told them.
Without realizing it, my voice had dropped to a whisper. I had to repeat myself more loudly. "It was so hard. I didn't want to leave him, but I knew I had to. He taught me so much, but one of the biggest things was that we have to protect others. It was my duty to warn everyone else, even though I just wanted to stay with him. The whole time, my heart kept saying, 'Turn around, turn around. Go to him!' But I knew what I had to do and I also knew part of him was trying to keep me safe. And if the roles had been reversed... well, I would have made him run too."
I sighed, surprised I'd revealed so much of my heart. I switched back to business. "Even when the other guardians joined him, Dimitri never backed down. He took down more Strigoi than almost anyone." Christian and I had actually killed the most. "He... he was amazing."
I told them the rest of the story that I'd told the Belikovs. Only I actually forced a little detail this time, telling them vividly just how brave and fierce he had been. The words hurt me as I spoke, and yet... it was almost a relief to get them out. I'd kept the memories of that night too close to me.