I lean over the side of the boat to look. At first glance, the place looks like some kind of Grecian fantasy island, with beautiful, angelic-looking creatures sashaying around with barely any clothes covering their perfect bodies.
“What’s so hellish about that?” I ask.
“Look closer,” Hercules directs as we glide by. “Do you see the souls?”
I take another look, this time realizing there are purple-tinged spirits also wandering the island. Each spirit is chained up with a nasty looking collar around their necks. When one of the spirits happens to glance at one of the goddesses passing by, he jerks violently, then crumples to the ground.
“Was he electrocuted?” I ask in horror, watching the man writhe in apparent agony.
Hercules nods. “Afraid so. The punishment for those who give in to their lust on Earth is to be stuck with unfulfilled desire for eternity. If these poor schmucks even dare look at one of the beautiful ones, they’re given a healthy zap for their troubles.”
“Bloody hell,” Race says with a grimace. “If I ever get out of here, I’m becoming revirginized for sure. No groupie is worth that.”
I turn away, not wanting to watch anymore. As we round a bend, a few raindrops splash on my head. Hercules reaches into the boat and hands us some umbrellas.
“It gets a little wet around Gluttony,” he apologizes, pointing to the opposite shore. I turn to look, not sure I want to see. My eyes fall upon a group of obese, anguished creatures, stuck in deep piles of gooey sludge, moaning miserably as the rain pours down on their heads. All around them are banquet tables piled with mountains of food, but not one of those stuck in the mud can reach any of it.
I grimace, turning away. “So they have to stare at the food for eternity and never eat?”
“Enough to turn you off Twinkies for life, right?” Hercules jokes. “Or, you know, blood.” He gives us a pointed look, then gestures to the shore. There, I catch sight of a group of vampires surrounded by a lake of blood, but none of them are able to take a sip. Their mouths drip with saliva and their fangs look dry and brittle. They moan and cry as the bloodlust consumes them endlessly.
I swallow hard, remembering the scene in the alleyway. I’d come so close to stealing innocent blood. Could I have ended up here, too? Hungry and alone for eternity? I shiver and Jareth reaches out and squeezes my hand, making me feel a little better.
“So what’s up next?” he asks. “Circle of Greed, if I remember right?”
“Yeah, if we kept going this way. But we’re going to take a little shortcut through the Special Circles.” Hercules steers the boat off to a side passage.
I’m about to ask what he means by “special circles,” but my words are drowned out by the sounds of loud talking. I look over to the next island we’re approaching and see a group of souls screaming in pain, hands over their ears, trying to drown out the incessant nonsensical conversation that surrounds them.
“This is the Circle for people who talk during movies,” Hercules yells over the din. “They disturbed people in life. Now they will spend eternity being disturbed by others.”
I can’t help a small grin at this one. What a great punishment to fit such an annoying crime.
“And over here,” Hercules adds, pointing to the opposite shore, “is the special Circle of Hell devoted to teachers who give out too much homework.”
Sure enough, the island is filled with purple scholarly souls chained to desks with piles of work in front of them. Demons stalk the rows and every time one of the souls completes an assignment, three more assignments are plopped down in front of them.
“They have to work for eternity,” Hercules explains. “They will never have a moment of free time.”
“Nice,” I say, wondering if any of my old teachers were secretly fairies or trolls or otherworld creatures. Because I’m pretty positive some of them would be eligible for this particular hell.
“What’s that circle over there?” Race asks, pointing to the next approaching island. At first, the place looks more like a paradise than a torture chamber, filled floor to ceiling with bookcases stacked with books. But then I take a closer look at the residents and realize, with horror, that each and every one of them has had their eyes gouged out. They wander around blindly through a forest of books, unable to read a single one.
“Those are the e-book pirates,” Hercules explains solemnly and suddenly I’m very glad I always paid for my Kindle downloads.
Finally, we head out of the Special Circles and down another branch of the river. A sparkling sign lets us know we’re entering the outskirts of the Elysian Fields. I look around, drawing in an impressed breath. The place is gorgeous—alive with color in direct contrast with the dreary Way Station we recently left. There are rolling green hills, colorful birds chirping in blossoming trees, even a fake blue sky above us, complete with warm, shining sun. Everywhere I look there are souls hanging out, having picnics, swinging on swings, laughing, and basically having a great old time.
“Wow,” I say with a low whistle. “It really pays to follow the Golden Rule doesn’t it?”
Hercules grins. “Now according to my map, your father should be right around here.” He pulls the boat over to a cotton candy colored dock. “Just walk down Happiness Lane and take a right on Paradise Cove.”
We step off the boat, then turn to thank our guide. “I can’t even tell you how great this has been,” I tell him, giving him a big hug. “We really appreciate the ride. And, you know, the ‘rescue from certain death’ thing.”