He's right, and it's embarrassing how true his words are. I mean what he's telling me should be obvious, but the more I think of it, the more I see how Bella's reaction to what I've said makes sense. Now I'm frustrated with myself, and I hide my face in my hands for a moment.
“I'm just so freaking tired of everyone expecting me to f**k up.” Em's laughter rings loud inside the car, and he's reaching for another cancer stick.
“Tell her that, too. You know that Bella's the only one that counts, so why care about anyone else's expectations?”
I nod, and with a heavy sigh reach for the door handle.
“Thanks, man. And not just for the ride.”
“You're welcome! Just don't f**k up again, eh?”
Chuckling under my breath I get out, and Em swerves right back into traffic.
I stare up at the house for a moment, trying to decide what to do now, but really, there's just one option. I can only hope that whatever went down after I took off hasn't riled her up even more. Resigning myself to my fate, I walk inside, and hopefully not into war.
Chapter 10
The condo is dark and empty when I tiptoe upstairs, but the distinct shape of Bella under the covers makes me let out a breath I hadn't realized I've been holding. Not that I've believed her hilarious threat about a threesome with Alice and Jazz for a moment, but just seeing her back in our bed is a relief.
I see her stiffen as I enter the bedroom but her eyes are tightly shut, and I can read the signs alright. She's avoiding me, pretending to be asleep, and the way she subtly shifts until her back is turned to me is rather telling. I sigh and pad on into the bathroom to dump my wet clothes in the washer and take a quick, hot shower to stop myself from shivering.
While the hot spray is beating down onto my shoulders I let my head sink down until my forehead is pressed against the tiles. Fuck. Fuck, f**k, f**k.
Once I'm moderately warmed up I step out of the shower and towel myself dry a little too roughly. I know I'll be sore tomorrow all over if I don't stretch now, but I don't think Bella will appreciate it if I need another twenty minutes here. So I do the quick routine while I brush my teeth, then return to the bedroom and slip under the covers next to her.
I don't know what to do now. Any other night I would shimmy closer to her and then wrap myself around her, pressing her into my body until we're as close as we can get. But she's still tense and clearly doesn't want me that close tonight, so I remain lying on my back and stare at the shadows spanning across the ceiling above me.
“Now you don't even want to touch me anymore?”
I close my eyes at the accusation in her tone, and because I'm a moron, of course I heave a loud sigh. I know it's the wrong thing to do, and I can see her pissed off frown before me as if I were looking at her, but I can't take it back.
“You know that I always want to touch you. In fact, you're the one who doesn't appreciate being touched.”
I have no idea why I say that but my filters are still down and I can't seem to get anything right. At least now she's facing me, but her glare is murderous.
“There's a difference between touching and attacking someone in public!”
“Yeah like you did so much protesting in the first case!” Her eyes narrow and I can see the muscles in her jaw stand out as she gnashes her teeth.
“I probably didn't. So what. Doesn't change the fact that you're still acting like a total jerk! Do you have any idea how worried I was when I came home and you weren't here? And then I called your cell and it was ringing in the bedroom?”
Groaning I drag my arm over my eyes and count to ten slowly to try to get rid of the reply burning on my tongue.
“Look, I'm sorry you were worried, okay? But I had to burn off some energy, and going for a run was about the only thing I could think of doing.”
“You could have left a f**king note!”
Her anger is dwindling slowly, and now she's more petulant than hurt. I sigh again, not the best answer but better than the one that I want to hurl at her.
Silence falls until she sighs herself.
“You missed quite something. Jazz got pretty wasted, and Alice nearly bit his head off when he told her to ease up a little.”
“I doubt I missed anything worth listening to then.” Another sigh, now more exasperated, but she inches a little closer so that we're no longer separated by half of the empty bed between us. I expect her to be still pissed at me, but she rather looks worried.
“Seriously, this can't go on like this. You're just making us all miserable with the way you're acting.”
“So now it's my fault all over again?”
I have no idea why I've said that, but I'm not willing to take it back, either, not to ease the sting of my words. Bella narrows her eyes at me, but she remains calm.
“We're not talking about blame here, but you have to admit that you were hostile nearly the whole evening through, until you pretty much lost it. It's so unlike you to lose control like that, I mean, I still can't believe you said all those things.”
At a loss for words I remain silent, and wait for her to go on. Her eyes skit over my face, looking for something, but she clearly doesn't find it as she goes on after a few moments.
“Wanna talk about it?”
“About what?”
Bella sighs exasperatedly.
“About why you were behaving like a jerk? And why you ran off? I'm kinda used to my life turning into a soap opera at times, but usually you're the one I can depend on not to act like a lunatic. It grates that you did exactly that tonight.”