"You're happy," she finally observes, sounding just the same herself.
"I am," I agree. "Why shouldn't I be, I have a wonderful woman at my side who lets me do all kind of perverted and devious things to her and loves me for just being who I am."
Her smile brightens and she shimmies closer, a gentle hand cradling my cheek. I briefly turn my face into her caress and kiss her palm, before I look into her eyes again.
"I'm glad you finally realized that."
Her words make me pause for a moment, then I offer her a sheepish smile.
"Am I that obvious?"
Bella shakes her head and laughs, then comes even closer until she straddles me again, but this time only to lie down on my chest and prop her chin up on her hands there so she can stare me right in the face from up close.
"Not really. For a long time you've been a huge mystery to me that only got darker and larger after that one faithful Sunday afternoon when I did the scariest thing in my life and came over to your house in just a shirt, skirt, and shoes. But the more I know the real you, the easier it's getting to see through all the layers of pretense and defensive mechanisms, and once you let me in, you're not really that much of a mystery anymore."
"Damn, and there I thought I did such a good job at deceiving you," I joke, but her light smile makes me go serious instantly again. "Thank you. For putting up with me through all this. And still loving me."
Her kiss is soft and gentle, and now it's her eyes that are brimming over with emotion.
"You know that I will always love you, Edward. I love you because you are you, and not someone else. You don't need to be anybody else, just you. I only want the real you."
My throat is suddenly tight and I feel the lump in my chest trying to overwhelm me, so I quickly kiss her deeply until the pain goes away, and I can breathe again. Her gentle touches still speak of her knowing exactly how close to crying I've just been, but she lets me get away with it uncommented.
"I just wonder what made you finally realize that. I mean our talk last weekend has been important, I know that, but I somehow don't think it was that much of a revelation for you as it for me."
I'm happy when she lets me tug her against my side so she doesn't keep staring right into my face, although I don't really have anything to hide; the scrutiny just makes me a little leery.
"I don't really know," I start, then bite my lip because I do know, and should know better than lie to Bella now. So I sigh, and spill my guts.
"I happened to listen in to a conversation between Jazz and Charlie today -
"
"You mean you eavesdropped," she chides me softly, grinning.
A dramatic sigh, but I nod.
"Yes, I eavesdropped on them, but only with the best of intentions. Which was, mostly, to get a head start should Jazz divulge any details that might send you dad running for his shotgun to end my miserable existence."
Her laughter tickles the side of my neck, and I have to admit, it's quite infectious.
"He'd never do something like that."
"Oh, I'm sure Charlie would do worse than just shoot me if he knew what we've just done in the kitchen."
Bella chuckles and hides her face in my arm pit for a moment before she goes on.
"No, I meant Jazz. It's simple self-preservation that he keeps his trap shut, as he's mired in this nearly as much as we are. Maybe even more when it comes to the 'Die, scum, you broke my little girl's heart!' thing. After all, you are too nice a guy to pull such a stunt on your own."
"Too nice, eh?" I ask flatly, but her smile stays as warm as before.
"Edward, whatever you did, and for what insane reasons or lack thereof, I know pretty well who's responsible for what happened. I know that you weren't actively trying to go behind my back, I know that you'd never deceive me. Your fault was to trust your closest friend, and quite frankly, if I hadn't been so upset and insecure I would have reacted a whole lot differently. And I'm ashamed that it took our fight last week to make me realize that I've let you take too much blame for too long. As I said, you're a good guy, maybe too good for this world sometimes."
I probably should be happy about her words, but they only make me angry.
"Wait, now you're switching from blindly defending him to even more blindly defending me?"
"I'm not, I just wanted to -"
I interrupt her surprised gasp quickly before she can elaborate.
"Don't. Just, don't. I know what I did, and trust me when I tell you that I'm so not proud of my actions. But it doesn't help anyone to twist the truth long enough until it's a lie all over again. I cheated on you, and even if it was just a kiss and some groping and I'm sure it wouldn't have been more, I still shouldn't have done any of those things. And you forgave me, because you're a better person than I am, and you love me, and you know how much I love you, and we both agreed to move on, consider it as a thing of the past and a warning for me to better not f**k it up again, because this is my second chance, and the only one I ever want and will ever need.
Nothing more."
My words stun her, maybe even hurt her, but I need to stress my point, even if I end up offending her.
"Edward, that's not what I meant. I agree with you, and I'm glad we both see it the same way. What I wanted to say, and what I would have said if you would let me speak, is that just because the trust you put in someone once was betrayed while you inevitably did the same to me, doesn't mean that you can't trust anyone anymore, or can't be trusted in turn. Can we agree on that, too?"