“Yeah,” Thomas said. He puffed, like something had knocked the breath out of him. “But she wasn’t mine to begin with. Camille has always belonged to Trent.”
I shook my head and furrowed my brow. “Why do that to yourself?”
“It’s hard to explain. Trent has loved her since we were kids. I knew it.”
His confession surprised me. From what I knew of his childhood and his feelings toward his brothers, it was hard to imagine Thomas pulling something so heartless.
“But you pursued her anyway. I just don’t understand why.”
His shoulders moved up just a tiny bit. “I love her, too.”
Present tense. A tinge of jealousy twinged in my chest.
“I didn’t mean to,” Thomas said. “I used to go home quite a bit, mostly to see her. She works at the local bar. One night, I went straight to The Red and sat down in front of her station, and then it just hit me. She wasn’t a little girl in pigtails anymore. She was all grown-up and smiling at me.
“Trent talked about Camille all the time, but in a way—to me, at least—I never thought he’d go for it. For the longest time, I thought he’d never settle down. Then, he started seeing this other girl…Mackenzie. That’s when I decided he was past his crush on Camille. But pretty quickly after that, there was an accident, and Mackenzie died.”
I sucked in a tiny sharp breath.
Thomas acknowledged my shock with a nod and continued, “Trent wasn’t the same after that. He drank a lot, slept with whomever, and left school. One weekend, I came home to check on him and Dad, and then I went to the bar. She was there.” He winced. “I tried not to.”
“But you did.”
“I reasoned that he didn’t deserve her. It’s the second most selfish thing I’ve ever done, and both of them were to my brothers.”
“But Trent and Camille ended up together?”
“I work a lot. She’s there. He’s there. It was bound to happen once Trent decided to chase her. I couldn’t really protest. He loved her first.”
The sad look in his eyes made my chest ache. “Does she know what you do?”
“Yes.”
I arched an eyebrow. “You told her who you work for but not your family?”
Thomas thought about my words and shifted in his seat. “She won’t tell them. She promised she wouldn’t.”
“So, she’s lying to all of them?”
“She’s omitting.”
“To Trent as well?”
“He knows we were seeing each other. He thinks we were keeping it a secret from him because of the way he felt about Camille. He still doesn’t know about the Bureau.”
“Do you trust her not to tell him?”
“Yes,” he said without hesitation. “I asked her to keep quiet about the fact that we were dating. For months, no one knew but her roommate and a few of her coworkers.”
“It’s true, isn’t it? You didn’t want your brother to know you had stolen her,” I said, smug.
His face twisted, disgusted at my lack of finesse. “In part. I also didn’t want Dad poking her for information. She would have had to lie. It would have just made things more difficult than they already were.”
“She had to lie anyway.”
“I know. It was stupid. I acted on a temporary feeling, and it turned into something more. I put everyone in a bad position. I was a selfish dick. But I did…I do…love her. Trust me, I’m getting payback.”
“She’s going to be at the wedding, isn’t she?”
“Yeah,” he said, twisting his napkin.
“With Trent.”
“They’re still together. They live together.”
“Oh,” I said, surprised. “And that has nothing to do with why you want me to go?”
“Polanski wants you to go.”
“You don’t?”
“Not because I’m trying to make Camille jealous, if that’s what you’re getting at. They love each other. She’s in my past.”
“Is she?” I asked before I could stop myself. I braced for his reply.
He looked at me for a long time. “Why?”
I swallowed. That is the real question, isn’t it? Why do I want to know? I cleared my throat, chuckling nervously. “I don’t know why. I just want to know.”
He breathed a laugh and looked down. “You can love someone without wanting to be with them. Just like you can want to be with someone before you love them.”
He looked up at me, a spark in his eye.
From my peripheral, I saw that Sawyer was standing next to our table, waiting with Tessa, who had a tray in her hand.
Thomas didn’t look away from me, and I couldn’t look away from him.
“Can I, uh…excuse me,” Sawyer said.
I blinked a few times and looked up. “Oh. Yes, sorry.” I stood to let him by, and then I returned to my seat, trying not to shrink under Thomas’s unfaltering stare.
Tessa placed the appetizers on the table along with three small plates. She filled Thomas’s half-empty glass, the dark merlot splashing inside, but I put my hand over mine before she could pour.
Sawyer lifted his glass to his lips, and an awkward silence hung over the table while the rest of the restaurant hummed with a steady chatter, broken up only by intermittent laughter.
“Did you tell her about Camille?” Sawyer asked.