“Not for a long time,” Annie said, her shoulder-length brown curls shaking as she scolded and worked at the same time. “Take her home.”
“Okay … okay, we’re going,” I said, standing to gather my things.
“I’ll take you home,” Paige said.
“No.” I shook my head. “You still haven’t apologized for New Year’s Eve.”
Paige took a step toward me, six inches too far into my personal space. “What do you think I’m trying to do?”
She leaned in, tilted her head, and pressed her lips to mine. The snowboarders in the corner cheered like their favorite hockey team had just scored.
“Buy those girls a drink!” one of them yelled, pointing at us.
I looked to Annie, but she pointed to the door.
Paige led me out by the hand, but once we stepped into the alley, she backed up against the wall and yanked me toward her. Her tongue ring banged against my teeth, her hands firmly on each side of my face.
I heard someone giggle to my left, and I turned to a woman in the same position as Paige, pulling Sterling’s face against hers. Her knee was hitched to his hip.
His red-rimmed eyes drifted, and when he recognized me, I could see that he was just as drunk as I was, if not more. We watched each other for a long time, and then Sterling’s friend pulled him to face her again, demanding his attention.
Paige tried to do the same, but I backed away.
“Ellie?” Paige said, confused.
I walked toward the street, passing Sterling and his new friend and turning right toward downtown. I stopped on the corner, looking down when a police cruiser rolled by. The light changed, and I hurried across the street to the only twenty-four-hour convenience store in town.
“Bathroom?” I asked.
The clerk pointed to the back, and I ran.
“Hey. Hey! No puking in there!”
I burst through the door and leaned back against it, sliding down to the floor. Pieces of toilet paper and paper towels were lying all around me, and I could feel the ass of my jeans getting wet from one of the many small puddles on the floor. I reached back for my phone, my thumb hovering over the display.
Before I could change my mind, I pressed the last name I ever thought I’d dial—a number Finley had programmed into my phone three months before.
It rang twice before she picked up. “Ellison? My God, it’s so good to hear from you.”
“Sally,” I began. “I’m in the bathroom of a convenience store. I think it’s the only open one in town.”
“Where?”
“Estes Park. I’m going to need a car to the nearest rehabilitation center. I’ve tried to stop drinking … I’ve…” I took a deep breath. “I can’t do it on my own. I’m drunk right now.”
“Someone will be there in fifteen minutes. Sit tight, Ellison. We’re going to get you well.”
I set the alarm on my phone and waited on the dirty floor. Before the chime went off, the clerk knocked on the door.
“Hey, lady? You all right in there?”
“I’m okay,” I said, sniffing. I crawled over to the far wall and pulled some toilet paper off the roll, wiping my eyes between sobs.
“There’s a guy out here. Says he’s picking you up.”
I scrambled to my feet, stunned by my reflection in the mirror. Twin thick black streaks of mascara stained my cheeks from my eyes to my jaw line. My hair was in rats, my eyes dull and glassed over. I yanked open the door to see Tyler standing next the clerk, looking very large next to the short, scrawny boy.
He sighed, relieved. “Ellison … I’ve been looking everywhere.”
I wiped my hands on my jeans and tried to walk out without stumbling. Tyler followed me outside, ready to catch me if I fell. He draped his army jacket over my shoulders and fidgeted.
“I’m so fucking sorry,” he blurted out. “I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean anything I said.”
“I know.”
“No,” he said, reaching for me. “No, you don’t know. You don’t have a fucking clue how much I love you. I’m just … I’m out of ideas. Things were so good before my birthday. I just want to get back there somehow.”
I swayed backward, but he pulled me against his side.
“How much have you had to drink?” he asked.
“A lot,” I said, my bottom lip trembling. “I saw Sterling.”
Tyler’s expression changed from worry to rage. “Where? Did he say something to you? How did you get here? Him?”
I shook my head and crossed my arms. “I walked.”
“Jesus, Ellie, it’s freezing.”
“I don’t want to be like him.”
“Sterling?” he asked, caught off guard. “You’re not. You’re nothing like him.”
“I’m exactly like him. I’m a drunk, selfish asshole who cares about no one.” I turned to Tyler. “I can’t love you. I don’t even love myself.”
Tyler looked like the air had been knocked out of him. He shrugged. “What am I supposed to say to that? You keep knocking me down and I keep getting back up, thinking one of these times you’ll stop throwing punches. I love you. And I know you love me, but … I’m not a punching bag. I don’t know how much more I can take.”
“It’s not up to you to save me. I have to do it myself. Somewhere else.”