There’s a light knock on the door and it swings open.
Laurie turns, smiling. “She must really like you if you’re in the habit of just walking in like you live here.”
If I wasn’t shaking with the knowledge that I was about to be dumped, I would smile. I always leave the door open for Stephen. I love it when he walks in, always opening his arms to me before we even say hello.
“That’s weird.” Laurie is staring at the open door, looking past Stephen, who is frozen a few steps into our apartment.
Laurie looks at me. “Didn’t somebody knock?”
“Stephen did.” My voice comes out like a crow’s croak.
Stephen still hasn’t moved. He obviously doesn’t want to break up with me in front of my brother any more than I want him to. But here we all are.
“Stephen, this is Laurie,” I say. “He’s about to head to school. I thought you could say hello before he leaves.”
Why I’m trying to help the boy who is about to stomp on my heart get past this awkward first-and-last introduction to my brother is beyond me, but I don’t know what else to do.
“Elizabeth . . .” Laurie frowns at me. “There’s nobody here.”
“Don’t start with the imaginary boyfriend bit again,” I say. “It’s not funny.”
Laurie pales. “I’m not joking.”
Laurie doesn’t answer but turns back to the door, staring.
“Stephen, did you put him up to this?” I ask.
Stephen hasn’t moved, but his fists are clenched at his sides now.
“What the hell is going on?” Laurie rubs his eyes.
“Laurie,” Stephen says, quietly but in a firm tone.
“Oh my God.” Laurie jumps back. His elbow knocks his juice glass to the floor. It shatters. “Who was that?”
Stephen is looking at me now. I meet his sad gaze. His shoulders rise and fall as he sighs. Missing pieces begin to fall into place.
Something happens that’s never happened to me before. Not even when I saw Laurie going into the emergency room. I start screaming and I can’t stop.
Chapter 9
MY MIND, FOR A MOMENT, is caught in a tight loop.
This can’t be happening.
Therefore it is not happening.
This can’t be happening.
Therefore it is not happening.
Then Elizabeth starts to scream and I know that, yes, this can be happening, and, yes, it is most definitely happening. And all the things I thought I was going to say—apologies about my father, more lies about my mother, more lies to deflect Elizabeth’s gaze from the real truth—all of these things fall away.
“It’s okay,” I say—perhaps the biggest lie of all. But it’s one of those things you do. You say something like “It’s okay” not because it is, in fact, okay, but because you’re hoping these words will somehow make it okay. Even though they never, ever do.
Laurie is grabbing her shoulders, asking what’s going on. He is so confused. And she is so confused. I am the only one in the room who understands what’s happening.
“Elizabeth, I’m sorry,” I say, getting closer.
“No,” she says, pulling away. “Don’t come near me.”
Laurie stands between us, even though he can’t see me.
“This isn’t funny,” he says.
“No,” I tell him. “It’s really not.”
She’s backed against the wall now. Staring at me. Laurie looks at her. Sees the intensity of her gaze.
“You really see him, don’t you?” he asks.
“And you really can’t,” she says. It’s not even a question. She knows.
“I can explain,” I say. Even though I can’t.
“Are you—are you a ghost?” Elizabeth asks.
“No. I’m alive. I’m just . . . invisible.”
There. I’ve said it. I’ve used the word.
Laurie is over by Elizabeth now. His arm around her. Calming her. Exactly where I want to be.
“If you’re invisible,” Laurie asks, “how can she see you?”
“I don’t know. I was as surprised as anyone by that. Nobody’s ever seen me before. Nobody.”
I say this to Laurie. But now I look at Elizabeth. Look right at her.
“You have no idea what that’s like,” I tell her. “That first day in the hallway—to have gone my whole life without a single person seeing me, and then you saying hello, inviting me in. That was astonishing. But this whole thing—you and I—it isn’t just about that. It’s about much more than that. And while I don’t know why you see me, I am so happy that you’re the one.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asks.
“I didn’t think you’d believe me. Or, even worse, that this would happen when you finally found out, with you over there and me over here. I didn’t want us to feel the way we feel right now.”
“Where are you?” Laurie asks.
“Right here,” I say. “Follow the sound of my voice.” He starts walking towards me. “Yes. Right over here. Right. Here.”
We are face-to-face. Only he can’t see my face. I wonder if he’ll hit me. Throw me out. But instead, he reaches up his palm. I know what he’s doing. I mirror his movement. Concentrate.
When our palms touch, he jumps back, shocked. But then he recovers. I concentrate again. He touches my hand. Traces my arm. Shoulder. Neck. Face.
“Holy holy,” he says. “I mean, holy holy holy.”
Elizabeth is watching all of this.
“I’m real,” I tell her. “It’s still me.”
Laurie backs away again. “How long have you been like this?” he asks.
“My whole life,” I tell him. “Apparently it was a curse that made me this way. I was born invisible.”
“So, really, no one’s ever seen you?”
“No. No one but Elizabeth.”
I’m hoping to see some tenderness emerge in her expression. Now that she has an explanation, now that she knows, I want her to show some sign that things between us are still possible. That even if I lose her as a girlfriend, that even if she never wants to touch me again, I won’t lose her in my life.
But the tenderness is tamped down. Confusion and anger are still in control.