"How did you know that?" he asked, sincerely impressed.
Julia felt cocky. "ESPN Classic shows old games, or didn't you know?"
"Okay," he said. "Let's watch some decorating."
"Shush up, you two," Nina snapped as she clicked through the channels at breakneck speed, until snappy theme-show music began flooding into the room.
On the screen, Felicia Wallace, the woman who was second in Nina's class at the Wellington Design Academy, was about to begin a major project on a Manhattan brownstone. The designer who had graduated first in the class was waiting to be divorced from Jason—again. Julia had to wonder why Nina put herself through the agony of watching a former rival excel on national TV.
"What is this?" Lance asked.
"I'll tell you what this is. This is the bane of my existence." Nina quickly climbed on her soapbox. "Shows like Decorating
Derby are convincing the American public that with a gallon of primer and a dozen cardboard toilet-paper rolls, anyone can decorate." She snorted. "Good decorating is like anything else—you get what you pay for."
Caroline came in from the kitchen, a bowl of popcorn in each hand, just in time to see Felicia Wallace introduce the show's official carpenter, Mason Kent. When she-glanced at the television, she immediately asked, "Who is that"
"That is the worst thing about these shows," Nina declared. "They take a hot guy, strap on a tool belt, and use him to lure thousands of female viewers. This show isn't about design; it's about hot men with power tools. Look at those arms. Look at the way that T-shirt clings to his rippling chest. If you want to do a reality show about decorating, then at the very least, your carpenter ought to have jeans that hang below the equator."
Julia picked up on something she hadn't heard from Nina for a very long time. "You like him!" she exclaimed. "You've got a crush on Mason the hot carpenter guy!"
"I do not." Nina dismissed the suggestion, but a hint of red was appearing on her olive-skinned cheeks.
"I'm a married woman," she insisted. "Well, kind of. I'm a little bit married."
Lance glanced down at her hand. "You're not wearing a ring."
"Nina, this is great!" Julia cried. "You have a non-Jason crush. It's a good thing."
"I may be many things," Nina said, "but in love with Felicia's hammer-jockey is not one of them."
"I auditioned to be on one of these shows once," Lance said, grabbing a fistful of popcorn.
"Really?" Julia said, stealing a kernel for herself.
"Yeah," he said. "I used to do a lot of that kind of stuff for my mom, building sets and all. I'm pretty good with my hands."
Nina's elbow was suddenly in Julia's gut. Lance, thankfully, didn't notice.
"It would have been a good gig for me, but I didn't get it. Nina's right, though," he said, filling his mouth with popcorn. "Those guys are actors."
Caroline was glued to the set. "He really knows how to use that sander," she said.
"Caroline!" Julia said, a little surprised at her sister.
"I can't help it." Caroline shrugged. "Every time I ask Steve to do something around the house, he lectures me about comparative advantage and reminds me what an hour of his time bills for at the firm. Do you know how many times I've seen Steve pick up a nail gun, or anything else, for that matter?"
"Do we really want to see Steve with a nail gun?" Nina asked.
"You have a brand-new house, Caroline," Julia said. "You don't need to be married to Mr. Fix-it."
"Well, I wouldn't mind being married to Mr. Knows-how-to-unload-the-dishwasher," Caroline said under her breath.
When Felicia began instructing homeowners on how to wallpaper their den with old newspapers, Nina shifted and dramatically covered her eyes. "Oh, it's too painful. I can't watch anymore. I have to go. Caroline, are you ready?"
"Why? Can't we stay a little longer?"
Julia's jaw dropped. She'd never seen her sister do anything hut rush toward her children. Caroline had already spent the better part of a day away from them. She couldn't imagine what force of nature could have brought about such change. Then, she remembered. "So, how's the memoir coming along?"
Caroline rolled her eyes. "Did you know that Ro-Ro had seven different dogs when she was growing up? I do. I even know their names. I know how big they were. I know how she disposed of their bodies when they died."
"I suppose that came in handy," Nina said. "You know, for later."
"Why does this always happen to me?" Caroline cried in disbelief.
"You're a nice person. It comes with the territory," Nina said. "Or so I hear."
Julia asked, "So where is Ro-Ro now?"
"She wants the memoir to include excerpts from her fans. As we speak, she has called an emergency meeting of the Georgias. They're going to put together some notes and get back to me."
"I am so sorry, Caroline," Julia said, meaning it. "Being forced to work with Ro-Ro and the Georgias. No one deserves that."
"At least she gave me last night off. Although, technically, I was supposed to use that as an opportunity to scout locations for a series of tasteful black-and-white photos she wants throughout the book. Because, of course, I don't have anything else to do." She looked at her sister. "We finally got her settled back at her place, and for once, Steve agreed to stay with the kids. I know they're probably burning the house down even as we speak, but I just can't go back, not yet. She might call there, but she'd never call here."
"Why won't she call here?" Nina asked.
Julia and Caroline said in unison, "It's a long-distance call."
"Ah," Nina said, understanding. "The cheapness pays off."
Caroline added, "Hallelujah."
Just then, the phone rang, and Caroline and Julia looked at each other as if they'd just jinxed themselves and Ro-Ro had invested in nationwide long distance or, Heaven forbid, a cell phone. But Julia checked the caller ID this time, and then picked up. "Hello, mother," she said.
"Julia, it's your mother," Madelyn said, disregarding Julia's greeting. "Your father and I were driving past your house just now, and . . . well. . . you should turn on Channel Two."