—from 701 Ways to Cheat at Solitaire
hen Julia walked into the Fitzgerald Wing of Mercy General Hospital, she noticed that someone had been very skilled at spending Ro-Ro's money. Even Nina would have approved of the beautiful-yet-comfortable chairs. But no matter how lavish its furnishings, the place still smelled like death. She wondered if Lance could smell it, too.
When they got into an elevator and waited for the doors to close, Lance pushed the button for the eighth floor, then eased his arm around Julia's shoulders. The weight of his arm felt good, so she sank into him, grateful for someone to lean on.
"I think it's going to take a lot more than a fall to hurt Ro-Ro," Lance said, as if he knew she needed to hear it. But Julia couldn't forget the tone of her mother's voice on the phone. She'd had sixty miles to process, sixty miles to think but standing in that elevator with Lance's arm around her shoulders, Julia still struggled with the realization that the impossible had happened—that Ro-Ro, after all, was human.
"Fitzgerald was husband number ..." Lance prompted.
"Four," Julia answered. "The doctor-slash-medical-researcher."
Lance nodded as if it was something he had known but forgotten. "So, what does a twenty-million-dollar donation buy you in health care today, besides the chance to wield those really big scissors at the ribbon-cutting ceremony?" he asked, and Julia had to smile.
The doors opened and she said, "I guess we'll find out."
They started down the hall but couldn't see any uniformed footmen standing outside room 862 to take coats and introduce guests. There wasn't a gold placard on the wall, proclaiming that to be the Fitzgerald Suite. In fact, when Julia peeked inside, all she saw was an ordinary hospital room, complete with bad linens, uncomfortable chairs, and a plastic water pitcher on the bedside table. When they entered the room, it was so dim that Julia could barely see the frail woman beneath the sheets, covered with IV tubes and hospital bracelets and, of course, the four largest diamonds Julia had ever seen.
"Hi, Aunt Rosemary," she whispered, half out of respect and somber purpose, half out of nerves. "How are you feeling?"
"How do you think I'm feeling?" the old woman snapped, and with that, Julia's fears subsided. Ro-Ro feels like bitching— all is right with the world! "They brought me here in that horrible contraption with all those lights and sirens. They woke up the neighbors. The whole building saw me carried out like an invalid! I'll never be able to show my face there again."
Miss Georgia will be glad to hear it, Julia thought.
She inched closer to the bed and looked at the massive cast that surrounded Ro-Ro's left leg. She wanted to ask her if it hurt, or take the felt-tip pen she kept in her bag for autographing books and sign Ro-Ro's pristine bandages. But before she could do any such thing, Ro-Ro looked behind Julia and spoke to Lance. "You're still here I see."
Lance inched forward and said, "Yes, ma'am. I'm here for a little while longer."
"Nonsense," Ro-Ro dismissed him.
Julia looked between Lance and Ro-Ro and wondered why her aunt would say such a thing. Then Julia's mother came floating into the room and whispered, "They have her on d-r-u-g-s."
"I broke my leg, not my ears, Madelyn," Ro-Ro lorded over them from the bed.
Madelyn ignored her like a pro. She hugged Lance and crooned, "Oh, I'm so glad you're here." Then she swept toward her aunt and eldest daughter. "Julia, dear, thank you so much for coming."
Julia's blood went cold—Madelyn was using her "death voice"—the one she used while thanking someone for a Bundt cake and telling them when the funeral would be. Julia looked at Ro-Ro, so tiny on the bed, so frail, and she pulled her mother out into the hallway. "What's really wrong with her?" she asked once they'd closed the door behind them.
"She broke her leg while climbing out of the bathtub. I told you that on the phone."
"No, Mother, I want the whole story."
Madelyn looked down at her hands as if trying to find the balance between honesty and gossip. "She's an old woman, Julia. We're not even sure how old. She tells everyone she's eighty-six, but you can only stay eight-six for so long. I know a fact she's over ninety."
Julia stole a glance back at Ro-Ro through the slim window in the door.
"Legs don't mend too well when you're over ninety," Madelyn went on. "Plus, she was in the bathroom when the maid found her." Madelyn grew nervous. She looked around to make sure no one could hear. "She was naked," Madelyn whispered, emphasizing the scandalous word at the sentence's end. "I'm surprised she hasn't had those poor paramedics' eyes gouged out yet. That's where your father is right now, meeting with the hospital heads, trying to save those poor boys' jobs."
Julia couldn't help herself. She laughed out loud.
"Julia!" her mother cried in disgrace. "Of course they covered her up before they brought her outside. But with her leg being in such bad shape, they weren't able to, you know, put on any underwear," she whispered. "Ro-Ro's going commando?"
Madelyn waved at her eldest daughter, dismissing her completely as she returned to Rosemary's room, closing the door on Julia and her laughter.
"I guess you heard about the commando thing?" a voice came from behind, and Julia turned to see her sister. Julia used the back of her hands to wipe her eyes as she remembered that she was in a hospital.
"I'm a terrible person," Julia admitted.
"I laughed, too," Caroline soothed. "It just didn't hit me until I was on the elevator."
"What are you doing with that?" Julia asked, pointing to the laptop computer that Caroline was carrying.
Caroline sighed. "Now that Ro-Ro has come face-to-face with her own mortality, it's more urgent than ever that we—"
"Finish the memoirs?" Julia guessed.
Caroline nodded. "Chapter fifteen, the Cairo years. At least it can't go on much longer."
"Oh, I don't know about that. There's a lot to cover yet. Mom swears she's over ninety."
"I thought she was eighty-six," Caroline protested.
"Yeah, and she has been for a while now."
Lance came out of Ro-Ro's room and quickly shut the door behind him. He joined Julia and Caroline, and Julia thought she had seen mangled lion tamers on the Discovery Channel who looked better.