“Funny.”
“I’m not joking,” she insisted. “I’m still mad at you, so why would I go out of my way to be nice? I mean, I’m like freaking Bigfoot. I’m six one now! Most guys have to look up to see my face, and no guy likes being shorter than a chick. At least you’re cute and petite. I’d kill to be your height… and to have your eyes. You have way prettier eyes than me.”
I didn’t say anything. I was sure she’d gone insane. How the hell could she be the Duff? Even in her frog pajamas she looked like she’d just stepped off the set of America’s Next Top Model.
“If Wesley can’t see how adorable you are, he doesn’t deserve you,” she said.
“You just need to move on. Put Wesley out of your mind.”
Yeah, right. Move on to who? Who would want me?
Nobody.
But I couldn’t say that to Casey. It would probably just start another stupid fight, and we hadn’t really finished the first one yet, so I just nodded.
“So… what about the Tucker kid?”
I looked at her, surprised. “Toby? What about him?”
“You’ve had a crush on him forever,” she reminded me. “And I saw you all over him in the cafeteria yesterday-”
“He hugged me,” I interjected. “That is hardly me being all over him.”
She rolled her eyes. God, I was really rubbing off on her. “Whatever. The point is, you were getting cozy with Toby, but now you’re suddenly in-”
I shot her a warning glare.
“-you suddenly like Wesley,” she finished.
“What’s your point?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” she sighed. “It’s just… I feel like you’ve kept so much from me. Like so much has changed so fast with you. I feel really in the dark right now.”
More guilt. Great. She was laying it on thick today, but I guess I deserved it.
“Not that much has changed,” I assured her. “I still have a crush on Toby… not that it matters. We’re just friends. He hugged me yesterday because he got into the college he wanted and was really happy. I wish it had been more, but it wasn’t. And the thing with Wesley is just… it’s stupid. It’s over. We can pretend it never happened. I’d prefer that, actually.”
“What about your parents? The divorce? You haven’t even brought it up since the day after Valentine’s.”
“Everything’s fine,” I lied. “The divorce is still happening. My parents are fine.”
She gave me a skeptical look before turning back to the road. She knew I was full of shit, but for once she didn’t push it. Finally, after a long moment, she spoke again. Luckily, she changed the subject.
“Okay. So where the hell is your car?”
“At school,” I said. “The battery’s dead.”
“That blows. I guess you’ll have to get your dad to go fix it.”
“Yeah,” I muttered. If I can get him sober for more than ten seconds.
There was a long silence. After a few minutes, I decided to swallow the little pride I had left. “I’m sorry I called you a bitch yesterday.”
“You should be. You also called me a preppy cheerleader snob.”
“Sorry. Are you still mad at me?”
“Yeah,” she said. “I mean, not as much as I was yesterday, but… it really hurt, Bianca. Jess and I have been so worried about you, and you barely talk to either of us anymore. I kept asking and asking if you wanted to go out, and you totally blew me off. Then I saw you talking to Toby when you were supposed to be talking to me, and… I was kind of jealous. Not in a creepy way, but… I’m supposed to be your best friend, you know? It felt like you just tossed me aside. And now it really bothers me that you started sleeping with Wesley instead of just talking to me.”
“Sorry,” I mumbled.
“Stop saying that. Don’t just be sorry,” she said. “Sorry doesn’t change the future. Next time, think about me. And Jess, too. We need you, B. And just remember that we’re here for you, and we care about you… for some ungodly reason.”
I cracked a little smile. “I’ll remember.”
“Just don’t abandon me again, okay?” The words came out in a weak murmur. “Even with Jess, I was really lonely without you… and I didn’t have anyone cool to drive me around. Do you know how much it sucks to have Vikki as your chauffer? She almost hit some poor old dude on a bike the other day. Did I tell you that story?”
We drove around Hamilton for a while, just wasting gas and catching up on what we’d missed. Casey had a crush on a basketball player. I was acing English. Nothing too personal. Casey knew my secret now-or part of it-and she wasn’t mad at me anymore… well, not that mad at me. She assured me I had a lot of groveling to do before we were totally good again.
We drove around until her mom called at ten, demanding to know where her truck was, and Casey had to take me home.
“Are you going to tell Jessica about this?” she asked quietly as she turned onto my street. “About Wesley?”
“I don’t know.” I took a deep breath, deciding that keeping secrets wasn’t the best idea. It had only fucked things up so far. “Look, you can tell her. Tell her everything if you want. But I don’t want to talk about it. I just kind of want to forget about this if I can.”
“I understand,” Casey said. “I think she should know. I mean, she is our best friend… but I’ll tell her you’re moving on. Because that’s what you’re doing, right?”
“Right,” I murmured.
I couldn’t help feeling anxious when she pulled into my driveway. I stared at the oak front door, at the shuttered windows that looked in on my living room, and at our simple, clean, picket-fenced yard. I’d never realized what a mask my family lived behind.
Then I thought of Dad.
“I’ll see you Monday,” I said, looking away so she couldn’t see the worry on my face.
Then I slid out of the truck and started walking toward my house.
20
I was standing on the porch before I realized I didn’t have my keys. Wesley had pulled me from the house so quickly the night before that I hadn’t been able to grab my purse. So I found myself knocking on my own front door, hoping Dad was awake to let me in.