Ari took a step closer to him, her head craning to meet his eyes. “No.” She shook her head defiantly. “I’m not leaving the Guild alone to face whatever is coming.”
Red closed his eyes briefly, trying to rein in the need to order her about. It would not be useful. Ari was too much like her mother, and Sala did not take orders well. Opening his eyes, he touched Ari’s cheek and sighed. “Fine. But watch out for one another.” His eyes lifted to Jai. “Keep her safe.”
The Ginnaye gave him a militant nod, and Red knew he could rest a tiny bit easier knowing the Guardian would die in a blaze of glory to keep his niece alive.
13
Immune to Your Charms
Three days had passed and still no word from her uncles. At this point Ari would’ve been happy to be dreamwalked by Asmodeus, so long as it meant receiving some intelligence on what the hell was happening. It horrified her to know Lilif was out in the world using the Seal as she pleased.
International news had reported a large influx of weather phenomenon. None of it was as disastrous as the earthquake in Ethiopia, but if Lilif got anywhere near Azazil or the Jinn kings, Ari feared they could kiss the world goodbye.
She needed to know what was going on.
It wasn’t like this was random, everyday running-from-a-sorcerer-hunting-your-best-friend-getting-your-ass-kicked-by-an-ancient-demon issue. This was end-of-the-world stuff.
However, not even Asmodeus had visited, and Ari had the distinctly unpleasant feeling the lieutenant was furious with her for asking the epic favor from Azazil. Guilt had lodged permanently inside Ari, a heavy stone in her stomach, always there, never shifting. Guilt for demanding something so draining of Azazil. Guilt for still feeling happy that she’d done it if it meant Derek, Mikey, Fallon, and Charlie were alive.
She stared at the ceiling, wondering what everyone else really thought of her. Red and Glass seemed concerned about her safety before they fled to escape Lilif’s wrath, but that didn’t mean they weren’t disappointed in her for using Azazil’s power for her own selfish means.
What she had done … didn’t that make her as bad as Lilif?
Discussing her guilt was difficult.
She couldn’t with the Roes because they clearly were happy with her decision to manipulate Azazil’s power. She couldn’t discuss it with Fallon because she was working through her moroseness over Charlie, pummeling holes into training center punching bags. And Trey too was quiet these days, spending hours locked in his room painting and worrying about Glass.
There was only Jai, and he was convinced that she’d acted with a pure heart. How could she possibly feel guilty for saving four lives?
“You’re doing it again, aren’t you?” His sleep-roughened voice found her in the dark.
Ari turned her head on the pillow, her eyes so well adjusted to the shadows, she could see he’d turned on his side to watch her. “I can’t help it.”
“And nothing I say will convince you that this isn’t your fault?”
She shook her head.
“Ari,” he whispered sadly, his fingers trailing a shivery path across her bare shoulder and down her arm. “Baby, you made a decision to save lives. Azazil agreed. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s his.
And it’s the White King’s. And if you really want to get into it, it’s Azazil’s and Asmodeus’s fault for not destroying Lilif centuries ago when they had the chance.”
“They couldn’t. At the time … she was too connected to the world.”
“Not anymore.”
Ari nodded. “She can be destroyed now. If Azazil and Asmodeus allow it, that is.”
“I think they’ll have to. For now, I want you to stop worrying and stop feeling guilty. She may be powerful but she’s up against seven Jinn kings and Azazil and Asmodeus. Azazil will have regained his strength by now. I’m sure they’re dealing with it as we speak.”
“You can’t just say the words and expect me to stop feeling guilty. To stop worrying,” Ari insisted. “Azazil told me there might be consequences. I did it, anyway. I acted like Charlie, except I don’t have the excuse of being twisted by a piece of Mount Qaf emerald.”
Jai heaved an irritated sigh. “Now I’m getting pissed.”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me.” He sat up on his elbow. “Okay, your actions led to Lilif’s reawakening. Did you intend that? No.
You did what you did to save lives. Charlie’s actions lost lives and all to wreak revenge. How is what you did the same thing?”
Jai Bitar, you are a pain in my ass. Ari made a grumbling noise. “It’s not.”
“Are you going to stop feeling guilty?”
“Can we not talk about this anymore?”
“Ari—”
She reached up swiftly, pulling his head down to hers. The annoyed, hard kiss she pressed against his mouth to shut him up quickly grew soft and heated as he groaned and wrapped his arms around her.
“You don’t play fair,” he growled, trailing soft kisses along her jaw and down her neck.
Needing to escape for a while, Ari was overcome with an urgency to disappear inside him. She gripped his hips with her thighs and flipped him so his back was on the mattress and she was straddling him.
Jai smoothed his hands down her back and around her hips, a fire stirring in his gaze. Her lips hovered above his as she whispered desperately, “I’m going to make it so I don’t know where you start and where I end.”
Abruptly, Jai sat up, rearranging her on his lap as he held her tight against him. “We’re already there.” He kissed her softly. “We’re deep inside each other. That’s why I can’t bear to see you blame yourself. I feel it. I feel it when you hurt.”
Her eyes shimmered as she tenderly cupped his face in her hands, her thumbs stroking his bristly jawline. “Then I’ll stop blaming myself.”
“As easy as that?”
She brushed her nose along his, her bottom lip catching his top lip. “You’re the last person in the world I’d ever hurt. If hurting me hurts you … then, yeah. Easy as that.”
Jai’s eyes sparked in the dark and he hugged her tighter. “I love you. I need you,” he whispered frantically, his hands coasting around her hips to draw her nightgown up. “Now.”