‘It’s over. I thought we–’
‘No, it isn’t over? I’ve seen the ones you’ve got for sale? Right here in front of me on my computer screen? It’s not over at all, is it, George?’
‘I mean this is over. And you know it is. You wanted it to be. And for once, I agreed–’
‘But that was before you became famous?’
‘Hardly famous, look, I–’
‘And these prices, George? That’s being a bit of a tall poppy, isn’t it?’
‘Those aren’t our websites. Those aren’t our prices. We don’t even know how that all started. It’s just sort of exploded–’
‘“We don’t even know”? You and this Kumiko person? That’s her name, isn’t it? Kumiko?’
‘I’m going to hang up now, Rachel, and I don’t want you–’
‘A couple who works together? Isn’t that nice?’
‘You’ve really got to stop this upward inflection. It makes you sound like an imbecile.’
‘. . .’
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean–’
‘Screw you, George. I’m just trying to be nice. I’m just trying to be friendly. I mean, you broke my heart–’
‘That’s not even a little bit true. Clandestine meetings. Sworn to secrecy. You never even seemed like you were having a good time.’
‘That’s really not fair? The secrecy was for both of us? I mean, I’ll happily tell Amanda all about us now, if that’s what you want–’
‘Is that meant to be some kind of threat?’
‘. . .’
‘I’m going to hang up now. I really am.’
‘Wait. Wait? I’m sorry? I know how harsh I can be. I do. But . . .’
‘But what?’
‘I can’t bear you being cruel, George. That’s the last thing you ever are.’
‘I’m sorry, I–’
‘Because that’s the thing I can’t stop thinking about. That you’re not cruel? Because cruelty is so common these days, you wouldn’t believe it. Every man I go out with, it’s like I’m in a competition with him. Who’s the meanest? Who’s the rudest? Like we’re competing from the first hello to prove how tough we are. And then the actual dates are like a, like a, like a, what are those things?’
‘A joust?’
‘Yes! Like a joust! And the only thing you’re allowed to do is show the other person how tough you are and how hard you are and how you’re laughing at their weaknesses. That’s what it is. You’re laughing at them. You’re laughing at how stupid they are? And you’re trying your goddamn hardest to make sure they’re never going to laugh at how stupid you are. And don’t even get me started on the sex?’
‘I would really hope not to–’
‘Because the sex is all about pretending that, no matter how great it is? No matter how much work and, like, skill they put into it? That it’s only okay? That you’ve had better? That it wasn’t, like, bad, but they shouldn’t feel too proud of themselves?’
‘Rachel, I don’t know what you want from–’
‘It’s awful, George. I hate it. And I’ve been with this guy, Wally?’
‘Wally?’
‘And every minute is like that! Every minute! Like we’re on Gladiators? It’s exhausting. I’m so tired of it. I’m so, so tired of it? And you weren’t like that.’
‘. . .’
‘. . .’
‘. . .’
‘George?’
‘I’m with Kumiko now.’
‘I know. I know? I mean, I do know? Your daughter won’t shut up about it? So I know? But I was just thinking. I was thinking how much I missed you.’
‘. . .’
‘. . .’
‘I don’t know what to say to–’
‘You don’t have to say anything? I just–’
‘I’m with Kumiko–’
‘Miss someone who’s–’
‘And I really have–’
‘Someone who’s actually kind–’
‘Fallen in love with her.’
‘You were so nice to me, George. Hardly anyone is.’
‘Well, you weren’t exactly nice yourself.’
‘I know I wasn’t that nice to you–’
‘No, nice to yourself. You didn’t treat yourself well.’
‘You were the first person to ever suggest that could even be a possibility, George. And I’ve been dating this Wally, who’s really, really cute and all but–’
‘Rachel, I have to–’
‘But I just keep thinking, He’s not as nice as George.’
‘It was a fling, Rachel, and I think we both know what a mistake it was. I’m too old for you. I’m too boring for you. You said so yourself. I’m not even that good-looking–’
‘So what if all that’s true? Sometimes you need more than that.’
‘And this has nothing to do with me being with someone else? Nothing to do with me being in the news a little bit?’
‘You’re being mean again, George. And it doesn’t suit you?’
‘I’m genuinely going to go. I’m going to wish you well–’
‘See? Niceness.’
‘But I’m really going to go now.’
‘I’d like to see you.’
‘Rachel–’
‘Just for old time’s sake?’
‘No, I don’t think–’
‘I could show you a proper good time.’
‘. . .’
‘You know I can, George.’
‘I’m so sorry, Rachel.’
‘You will be if you don’t let me–’
‘I’m so sorry you’re this lonely.’
‘George–’
‘I wish happiness for you. I listen to you and I hear hurting and I hear cries of how much you want to–’
‘Wait just a second–’
‘–connect with someone, really connect.’
‘I do, though? I–’
‘And I’m sorry it can’t be me. But it can’t. It really can’t.’