“How completely not comforting.”
It wasn’t just seeing Jesse’s mom again that made me nervous, though. It was the idea of having another tether to the city, another person to leave if we had to go. I knew Jesse had been pretty devastated when his mom moved to Connecticut, and I couldn’t bear to hurt him the same way.
“So you’ll have dinner with us when she comes into the city next week?” Jesse asked.
“Of course,” I said, not letting myself think about whether or not I would actually be in the city by that point. “Hey. While we’re talking about important things …”
“Hmm?” Jesse squeezed my hand. “You have an important thing?”
“Pretty important, yeah.”
“Okay. Out with it.”
I took a deep breath. “The Collective is investigating my parents.”
Jesse sat up so fast that my head fell off his shoulder. “They’re what?” he said. “What?”
“Well, not investigating them, exactly. But they’re saying that my parents stole evidence after finishing a case, and that’s grounds for expulsion from the Collective.”
Jesse looked upset, confused, and furious all at the same time. “Does this have to do with … him, though?” The name Colton Hooper didn’t exactly inspire good feelings around us. “I don’t get it.”
I bit my lip before answering. “Angelo and my parents say it’s not true, but I think the Collective is mad that I exposed Colton for being a double agent.”
Jesse looked at me as if I was speaking Martian. “What?” he finally said. “How … ? Why … ? What the hell is wrong with them? Why are they mad at you? They should be throwing you a goddamn parade!”
“I know,” I admitted. “Something’s wrong, but I don’t know if it’s the Collective or something else. I don’t know and I hate when I don’t know something, by the way.”
“Believe me, I’m aware.” Jesse stood up and started to pace back and forth in front of our bench. “And you can’t go to the police.”
“Nope. Too many spies would be exposed. It’d be a disaster.”
“But Mags, what if Colton Hooper wasn’t the only bad spy? What if there are more?”
I looked up at him. I knew I couldn’t tell Jesse anything about the ex-Collective members, about how Angelo was investigating their claims. I had started our relationship by lying to him and I didn’t want to do that again.
But if it meant keeping Jesse safe, I would do anything.
“When were you going to mention this?” he said. “Here I am, talking about my mom and dinner and it turns out that you’ve got all this happening! When did you even find out?”
“Just today. And you’re always so happy when you talk about your mom, I didn’t want to stop you.”
Jesse took a deep breath, then pinched the bridge of his nose. I had seen his dad do the same thing during press conferences or late-night television interviews. The Oliver family gesture. “So what are you going to do?” he asked.
I shrugged. “Prove them wrong and show them that my parents didn’t do anything. And hopefully not piss them off. Again.”
Jesse stopped pacing and stood directly in front of me. I could see realization moving across his face, the understanding of why I had been so emotional at Grand Central. “Oh, I get it,” he murmured. “You might have to leave.”
I bit my lip and glanced at the street, unable to look at his face for much longer. “Maybe.”
“Maybe.”
“Going rogue sometimes means going.” I tried to play off the words as funny, but neither of us was laughing. “I don’t want to, though. I want to stay here with you and Roux and my …” My voice caught and I fought to bring it back. “And my parents. And Angelo and school and everything. It’s our senior year. I want to apply to colleges and go to homecoming with you—is that a thing? A homecoming dance?”
Jesse nodded.
“Well, I want to do all of that. But this is my family and this is who I am. Remember I told you, I have dozens of passports but at the end of the day, all those girls are me.” I tried to smile at him, but it felt wobbly. “You fell in love with a spy. Sucks for both of us.”
Jesse gave me a small, rueful smile before coming to sit back down next to me. “Can’t Angelo just solve it?”
“We’re all working on it,” I said. “But chances are good that my parents are going to be cut off and everyone in the Collective probably knows that Angelo’s practically like my uncle, so they’ll cut him off, too.”
“Then won’t they cut you off?”
“Even if that happens, I don’t need technology to do what I do.”
Jesse let it all sink in as I curled back up next to him. “If I have to leave,” I whispered, “I promise I’ll come back.”
“What if you can’t?” Jesse put his arm around my shoulders and I drew my knees up to my chest. “What if they kill you?”
“Oh my God, they’re not going to kill me,” I scoffed. “We stop killers. It’s sort of our thing.”
Jesse shrugged. “We already got chased by a madman once, Mags. Weirder things have happened.”
He had a point. Unfortunately.
“I’ll do everything I can to keep you informed,” I promised him. “But I might not be able to tell you everything. I need to keep you and Roux safe.”