I paused what I was doing. “What is this between us, Ben?”
“What do you mean?”
“This. All the kissing… Rose Red… It’s too confusing… It’s going too fast. I’m having trouble keeping up.”
He moved to my side and leaned against the granite counter. He nodded, coaxing me to go ahead and speak my mind. I couldn’t look him in the eye, so I just kept wiping the dishes dry and placing them where they belonged as I spoke.
“First, we argue in the library and then you get into this big fight – apparently over comments that involved me, and now… this. You just broke up with Tanya for crying out loud. I don’t want to be your rebound, Ben. I’m not interested in becoming one of your flings.”
He remained silent as I finished getting the kitchen in order. When everything was done, he grabbed me by the shoulders and made me face him. “You are too important to me to be a rebound or a fling. Get that into your head, Sofia. I’m tired of being just your friend and I want to give us a real shot.”
“Why now?”
“Because as I told you back at the truck, I feel like I’m losing you… I don’t want that to happen, Sofia.”
It didn’t feel like a good enough reason to start getting into a relationship that had too much potential to leave us both broken and hurt. “I’m scared,” I admitted. “What if this doesn’t work out?”
“Look… we don’t have to rush this… let’s take it slow if we have to.” His gaze was hopeful… expectant… desperate… “Let’s start with a date, and then let’s see where we go from there.”
“One date,” I agreed, “but I do have a condition…”
“Anything.”
“There will be no talk of The Shade, of what happened there or of the hunters.”
Just the mention of those particularly touchy topics clouded the expression on his face, but he nodded in agreement. “Fine by me.”
“And one more thing…” I added. “If we do get serious about this, I don’t want to be your dirty little secret, Ben. We let Lyle and Amelia know.”
It hurt how he didn’t seem happy about that particular condition, but again, he agreed to my terms. “Of course.”
It was awkward how we parted. We didn’t talk about it, but for the first time, the idea of sleeping in the same bed with him felt wrong. We said good night to each other and went our separate ways. I spent a good deal of the night, debating within myself if I ought to sneak to his room, if only to have someone there in case I wake up from another nightmare.
Just when I had made up my mind to stay alone, I heard my door creak open. The bed shifted and I turned to find Ben sitting on the edge of it. He didn’t need to explain. The look in his eyes told me enough about him needing the company. I made room for him and snuggled against him. His lips found my forehead. A kiss goodnight.
What Ben and I had used to be simple. We were best friends. We knew where we stood with each other. A couple of kisses, a few suggestive quips and an agreement to have one date were more than enough to ruin whatever comfort zone he and I had.
Lying next to him on that bed that night, all I could think of before I drifted off to sleep was how complicated things were going to become from then on. Still, a smile crept over my lips, because whatever it was that I had with Ben, it felt like a step toward moving on and finally leaving The Shade behind us.
It was wishful thinking, because the moment slumber came, the nightmares came right along with it and The Shade was proving itself to be a force that wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.
CHAPTER 23: DEREK
After the blackout, things were bound to go downhill and I knew it. The darkness began to consume me and I didn’t have enough will left to fight it, so I simply surrendered to it and let myself roll along with the free fall, waiting to hit rock bottom.
The first step down was when I decided that Sofia was no longer my responsibility.
I asked Cameron and Yuri to meet with me right after I attacked Ashley and hit Vivienne. I was in the music room. I kept the lights dim, my fingers playing a sad tune on the grand piano. The knights approached tentatively. Perhaps my face betrayed that I was in no mood for company.
“Find yourselves a seat and tell me what happened. How was it possible that my brother escaped from you both?” I kept playing the sorrowful melody.
Cameron took the lead and made himself comfortable on one of the cushioned benches. Yuri followed soon after. He appeared to be on edge with the way his fingers were twitching as he fumbled with them. I noted then how Yuri never seemed to be at ease when he was around me.
“Well?” I coaxed impatiently. “Speak.”
“We found Lucas at Claudia’s,” Cameron obliged. “Apparently, he’d been hiding out with her all this time. He was quick to escape. Most likely heard us coming and jumped out the window of one of the guest rooms right before we arrived.”
“I ran after him…” Yuri chimed in.
“…and Lazaroff was pretty damned fast too. Always has been.”
From my peripheral vision, I could make out Cameron glaring at Yuri, as if to tell the younger vampire to let him do all the talking. Of the three of us, Cameron was the oldest – both in natural and vampire years. He’d shown me more reverence and respect than Yuri ever did however.
“Yuri caught up with your brother,” Cameron continued after a short pause, “but as you may well know, Lucas overpowered him. Had I not caught up in time, the prince would’ve ripped Yuri’s heart out. When Lucas saw me coming, he made a run for it. By the time I reached the port, he’d already knocked out the guards and escaped on one of the speed boats.”