My former bedroom at the top of the stairs was let out, and a variety of people passed through it. I viewed them all with suspicion: they were sleeping in my bedroom, using my little yellow basin that was just the right size for me. There had been a fat Austrian lady who told us she could leave her head and walk around the ceiling; an architectural student from New Zealand; an American couple whom my mother, scandalised, made leave when she discovered they were not actually married; and now there was the opal miner.
He was a South African, although he had made his money mining for opals in Australia. He gave my sister and me an opal each, a rough black rock with green-blue-red fire in it. My sister liked him for this, and treasured her opal stone. I could not forgive him for the death of my kitten.
It was the first day of the spring holidays: three weeks of no school. I woke early, thrilled by the prospect of endless days to fill however I wished. I would read. I would explore.
I pulled on my shorts, my T-shirt, my sandals. I went downstairs to the kitchen. My father was cooking, while my mother slept in. He was wearing his dressing gown over his pyjamas. He always cooked breakfast on Saturdays. I said, ‘Dad! Where’s my comic?’ He normally bought me a copy of SMASH! before he drove home from work on Fridays, and I would read it on Saturday mornings.
‘In the back of the car. Do you want toast?’
‘Yes,’ I said. ‘But not burnt.’
My father did not like toasters. He toasted bread under the grill, and usually, he burnt it.
I went outside into the drive. I looked around. I went back into the house, pushed the kitchen door, went in. I liked the kitchen door. It swung both ways, in and out, so servants sixty years ago would be able to walk in or out with their arms laden with dishes empty or full.
‘Dad? Where’s the car?’
‘In the drive.’
‘No it isn’t.’
‘What?’
The telephone rang, and my father went out into the hall, where the phone was, to answer it. I heard him talking to someone.
The toast began to smoke under the grill.
I got up on a chair and turned the grill off.
‘That was the police,’ my father said. ‘Someone’s reported seeing our car abandoned at the bottom of the lane. I said I hadn’t even reported it stolen yet. Right. We can head down now, meet them there. Toast!’
He pulled the pan out from beneath the grill. The toast was smoking and blackened on one side.
‘Is my comic there? Or did they steal it?’
‘I don’t know. The police didn’t mention your comic.’
My father put peanut butter on the burnt side of each piece of toast, replaced his dressing gown with a coat worn over his pyjamas, put on a pair of shoes, and we walked down the lane together. He munched his toast as we walked. I held my toast, and did not eat it.
We had walked for perhaps five minutes down the narrow lane, which ran through fields on each side, when a police car came up behind us. It slowed, and the driver greeted my father by name.
I hid my piece of burnt toast behind my back while my father talked to the policeman. I wished my family would buy normal sliced white bread, the kind that went into toasters, like every other family I knew. My father had found a local baker’s shop where they made thick loaves of heavy brown bread, and he insisted on buying them. He said they tasted better, which was, to my mind, nonsense. Proper bread was white, and pre-sliced, and tasted like almost nothing: that was the point.
The driver of the police car got out, opened the passenger door, told me to get in. My father rode up front beside the driver.
The police car went slowly down the lane. The whole lane was unpaved back then, just wide enough for one car at a time, a puddly, precipitous, bumpy way, with flints sticking up from it, the whole thing rutted by farm equipment and rain and time.
‘These kids,’ said the policeman. ‘They think it’s funny. Steal a car, drive it around, abandon it. They’ll be locals.’
‘I’m just glad it was found so fast,’ said my father.
Past Caraway Farm, where a small girl with hair so blond it was almost white, and red, red cheeks stared at us as we went past. I held my piece of burnt toast on my lap.
‘Funny them leaving it down here, though,’ said the policeman. ‘Because it’s a long walk back to anywhere from here.’
We passed a bend in the lane and saw the white Mini over on the side, in front of a gate leading into a field, tyres sunk deep in the brown mud. We drove past it, parked on the grass verge. The policeman let me out, and the three of us walked over to the Mini, while the policeman told my dad about crime in this area, and why it was obviously the local kids who had done it, then my dad was opening the passenger-side door with his spare key.
He said, ‘Someone’s left something on the back seat.’ He reached back and pulled away the blue blanket that covered the thing in the back seat, even as the policeman was telling him that he shouldn’t do that, and I was staring at the back seat because that was where my comic was, so I saw it.
It was an it, the thing I was looking at, not a him.
Although I was an imaginative child, prone to nightmares, I had persuaded my parents to take me to Madame Tussauds waxworks in London, when I was six, because I had wanted to visit the Chamber of Horrors, expecting the movie-monster Chambers of Horrors I’d read about in my comics. I had wanted to thrill to waxworks of Dracula and Frankenstein’s Monster and the Wolf-man. Instead I was walked through a seemingly endless sequence of dioramas of unremarkable, glum-looking men and women who had murdered people – usually lodgers, and members of their own families – and who were then murdered in their turn: by hanging, by the electric chair, in gas chambers. Most of them were depicted with their victims in awkward social situations – seated around a dinner table, perhaps, as their poisoned family members expired. The plaques that explained who they were also told me that the majority of them had murdered their families and sold the bodies to anatomy. It was then that the word anatomy garnered its own edge of horror for me. I did not know what anatomy was. I knew only that anatomy made people kill their children.