Her whole body tensed, but she remained silent and waited for him to continue.
“I broke the airlock on Phoenix.”
“What?” He wouldn’t look at her, but he could hear the confusion and disbelief in her voice.
“It was already faulty, but I made it worse. So that the air would leak faster. So that you would get sent to Earth before your eighteenth birthday. They were going to kill you, Clarke. And I couldn’t let that happen. Not after what I’d already done to you. I was the reason you were Confined in the first place.”
Clarke still said nothing, so Wells went on, a strange, numbing combination of relief and horror spreading through his limbs as he voiced the words he’d feared ever saying out loud.
“I’m the reason they had to abandon the ship so fast, and the reason so many people got stuck up there, suffocating. I did that to them.”
Clarke still hadn’t spoken, so finally, Wells forced himself to look at her, bracing for the look of horror and loathing. But instead, she just looked sad and scared, her wide eyes making her appear younger, almost vulnerable.
“You did that… for me?”
Wells nodded slowly. “I had to. I overheard my father and Rhodes talking, so I knew the plan. They were either going to kill you or send you to Earth, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to let it be option A.”
To his surprise, when she spoke, there was no rancor in her voice. Just sadness. “I would’ve never wanted you to do that. I would’ve rather died than endanger so many lives.”
“I know.” He placed his head in his hands, his cheeks burning with shame. “It was insane and selfish. I knew I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if you died, but I can’t live with myself now, anyway.” He let out a short, bitter laugh. “Of course, now I realize that the right thing to do would’ve been just to kill myself. If I’d thrown myself out of that airlock, it would’ve saved everyone a lot of pain and suffering.”
“Wells, don’t talk like that.” Clarke had scooted back in order to face him, and was looking at him with dismay. “Yes, you made a mistake… a big one. But that doesn’t negate all the incredible things you’ve done. Think of all the people you saved. If you hadn’t messed with the airlock, every single one of us would’ve been executed instead of being sent to Earth. Not just me. Molly, Octavia, Eric. Even more, you’re the reason we all survived once we got here.”
“Hardly. You’re the one who saved everyone’s lives. I just chopped some firewood.”
“You turned a wild, dangerous planet into our home. You made us see our potential, what we could achieve if we worked together. You inspired us, Wells. You bring out the best in everyone.”
That’s what he’d loved about Sasha, the way she’d made him want to be a better person, a better leader. He’d failed her—there was nothing Clarke could do to convince him otherwise—but that didn’t mean he should stop trying. He owed her more than that.
“I… I just don’t know what to do now,” he said quietly.
“You could start by forgiving yourself. Just a little bit.”
Wells had no idea how that even worked. He had spent his entire life in the right place at the right time, doing as he was told, doing as he was expected to do. He had always taken the high road, made the right choice, regardless of his own feelings. But at the most crucial moment of all, he’d faltered, and thousands of people had suffered. It was unforgivable.
Clarke knew him so well. It was as if he had spoken all his thoughts out loud. “I know better than anyone that you don’t like to show your emotions, Wells. But sometimes you have to. You need to take all these feelings and use them. Be human. It will make you an even better leader.”
Wells took Clarke’s hand and gripped it tightly. Before he could reply, a commotion rang out through the corridor. They both hopped to their feet and hurried out of the room, following a steady stream of people down the hall.
Max stood at the front of the large, cavernous space that’d become their center of operations. His face looked ravaged, and his shoulders stooped on his gaunt frame. The fire was gone from his eyes.
“We have visitors,” he announced, beckoning toward someone out of sight. As he spoke, hundreds of heads shot around to see who had entered the bunker. “Don’t worry—none of them are armed. We checked.” Wells and Clarke let out a loud sigh of relief as they recognized the dozen or so members of the hundred filing inside. Eric and Felix led the pack.
“Did Rhodes send you?” Max asked. The entire room held its breath, waiting for their answer.
“No,” Eric said, shaking his head, his voice as steady and calm as ever. “We came to join you. We want nothing to do with Rhodes or the other Colonists anymore.”
Max eyed them shrewdly, his years of experience had clearly sharpened his ability to assess people’s character. “And why is that?”
Eric met his eyes without wavering. “They’ve completely taken over. It’s not the home we built anymore. There’s no discussion, no cooperation. Rhodes tells everyone what to do, and the guards make sure they do it. It’s just like being back on the ship. The prison cabin they built for Bellamy is already full, and the guards beat one woman up so badly I’m not sure she’s going to be able to walk again.” He paused and turned to face the Earthborns, who were staring at him uneasily, then scanned the crowd until he spotted Wells. “Everything was so much better when you were in charge, Wells. You stood for something, something worth fighting for.”
The grief that had lodged in Wells’s chest loosened its grip, and a faint glimmer of hope flared up in him.
Max cleared his throat, and all eyes turned to him.
“You’re welcome to stay with us, then. We’ll help you get settled shortly. But first, do you have any insight into what Rhodes might be planning?”
“We do,” Felix said, stepping forward. “That’s why we came when we did. I volunteered to work with the guards, so I heard their discussions. They don’t believe there are two separate groups of Earthborns. They think you’re dangerous, and we couldn’t get them to believe that you aren’t. They think you’re all working together.”
“They’re planning an attack,” Eric interjected. “A big one. And they have more weapons than we realized at first. We discovered that they’ve been hoarding guns and ammo in a secret cache in the woods.”